10/01/2021
Can we retire the word ‘baggage’ already?
After my divorce, I was reintroduced to the concept of dating. And with that comes all the other concepts singles have to deal with: swiping, ghosting, exhausting small talk, etc. But my LEAST favorite is ‘baggage’.
Let’s break this down: the word baggage paints a vivid picture of someone dragging around this suitcase full of crap that they are too ashamed to expose to the world. We just stuff it full and bring it with us wherever we go. But, what’s in there?
The term implies that what’s in there is our past. Unresolved trauma, resolved trauma, life experience, daddy issues, mommy issues, basically all of what makes us human. The human experience is in that suitcase. (Don’t get me started on referring to children as baggage. That is truly one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard). And much too often do I hear people say “I can’t deal with his/her/their baggage”.
…WHAT?
First of all, if you think you don’t have ‘baggage’, you are wrong. Second, is it too inconvenient for you to accept someone for where they are in life based on what they’ve had to overcome? We are, after all, a culmination of all our experiences leading up to this point. Right. Now.
Our pasts are not stuffed in a suitcase that we drag around behind us. They are INSIDE of us. Our stories are beautiful, colorful illustrations of our Selves and should be embraced.
This is not an attempt at dating advice. I’m not even really talking about romantic relationships anymore. Nor am I dismissing the value of our intuition. If something feels off, something is. So by all means, set your firm boundaries and stick to them. This is an attempt to highlight an extremely common manifestation of Negative Self Talk. What I am asking is that we stop writing people off for being human. That we stop writing ourSELVES off for being human.
It’s not easy. But the first step is shifting the way we think about our pasts. Instead of shoving it in a bag and lug around for the rest of our lives (because after a while, that s**t will get heavy), let’s integrate it. Because you can thank your past for giving you all the things that you like about yourself too.