Page Rutledge, LCSW, CHt

11/04/2025

Why We Argue
Why do couples fight? Couples don’t just fight about dishes, money, or schedules, they fight because they’re trying to express deeper needs that often go unheard.

Conflict often stems from feelings of not being appreciated, valued, or emotionally understood. Beneath most arguments are longings for love, respect, and safety. When those needs aren’t met, frustration and defensiveness can take over.

Common disagreements often arise around communication, money, values, trust, intimacy, household responsibilities, parenting, lifestyle choices, and future plans. These are all normal issues to face together.

Every couple argues. It doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. Arguments are chances to understand each other more deeply. When you approach conflict with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you create space for empathy, trust, and growth.

Your to-do this week:
Pick one area where tension tends to surface and set aside 15 minutes this week to talk about it calmly. Focus on listening to understand, not to win. Approach with curiosity. Don’t blame or shame. End the conversation by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner.—Gottman Institute

10/30/2025

Rituals are on my mind.
Thriving relationships have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together: a culture rich with symbols and rituals and an appreciation for your roles and goals that bind you together.

Take some time to examine your rituals. What rituals can you renew? What can you change or add? What’s outdated?

Here are some rituals to examine this season:
Waking up, waking one another up
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, &/or coffee together
Bedtime
Leaving one another
Reuniting
Handling finances
Athletics/exercise
Celebrations (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
Taking care of each other when sick
Renewing your spirit
Recreation, games, play
Dates and romantic evenings
Watching television
Running errands, doing chores
Doing schoolwork
Soothing other people’s feelings
Apologizing or repairing feelings after an argument
Common hobbies
Making art
Discovering what kinds of rituals you would like to introduce, change, or continue in your relationship will help you in many ways: to feel the comfort and trust that comes from relying on regular routines, turning towards each other, building stronger bonds, and inevitably deepening your emotional connection.

The more shared meaning you can find, the deeper, richer, and more rewarding your relationship will be.—Gottman Institute

If you need help in your relationship, contact me at www.pagerutledge.com

09/30/2025

https://pagerutledge.com/the-1-relationship-skill-most-couples-in-wilmington-overlook/
Do you find yourself feeling like you have to defend when you are fighting with your partner? If so, read on...

One of the greatest human failings is to prefer to be right rather than effective.

09/16/2025

What’s behind your conflict?
Fights often have deeper meaning. Here are some common underlying issues couples can have:

A fight about chores may really be about feeling unappreciated.

A disagreement over spending might reflect deeper worries about security.

An argument about screen time may really be about longing for more attention and connection.

A conflict over parenting styles might reflect fears about not being respected or supported as a parent.

A disagreement about social plans may actually be about wanting to feel like a priority.

Tension around intimacy might point to deeper needs for affection, closeness, or reassurance.

A fight about being late may really be about one partner’s need for reliability and trust.

According to Gottman research, every conflict has “dreams within” it. These dreams are the values, needs, or fears hidden underneath.

When you slow down and ask, “What’s really at the heart of this for you?” you can move from fighting to understanding. Find out more at www.pagerutledge.com

09/09/2025

Curiosity is one of the most underrated tools in a healthy relationship. If I can help a couple shift to this mindset, I consider it a great success, and it is not easy--for them.

It is not easy because big emotions swallow them whole in a conflict.


When challenges come up, it’s easy to slip into judgment, defensiveness, or shutting down. But choosing curiosity changes the conversation.



Instead of asking, “Why would you do that?,” curiosity invites, “Help me understand what this means for you.”



Staying curious keeps the door open for dialogue and helps you discover the emotions and needs underneath the surface.



It will strengthen trust and connection, because when you feel heard and valued, even conflict can bring you closer.



So remember…

Ask questions.
Stay curious.
Really listen.

If you need help with this contact me at

Anxiety Therapy J. Page Rutledge specializing in general anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and mid-life change.

07/30/2025

Most arguments aren’t really about what they appear. If you are stuck in repeated fights that go nowhere, contact me at www.pagerutledge.com