01/17/2022
This is beautiful
The day she dies a piece of you will die too. You’ll learn this is a piece that you cannot fill. It is a piece that cannot be replaced by anything, ever.
The day she dies you’ll stop breathing for a moment too. You’ll wonder how the world around you continues to go on.
The day she dies you’ll start a new life. Your new life will be motherless. It will be different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way.
The day she dies you will look around and question everything. You’ll question your faith, your last words, and every moment you spent away from her. Your questions will never be answered, but keep asking anyway.
The day she dies you’ll be in complete disbelief. You will refuse to accept this reality but it will stay with you. One day the debilitating reality will sink in. This day is just as bad as the day she dies.
The day she dies you will be frozen with heartbreak, confusion and terror. You will develop new anxieties and fears you never had before. Some days these new fears will be debilitating.
The day she dies, you become an adult. The kind of adult that doesn’t have a mother. That is a different kind of adult than before, trust me.
The day she dies you will long for her hug, her kiss, her time and her presence. This longing never goes away.
It stays with you, but so does she, because…
The day she dies you gain the most beautiful angel. You can’t see her, but she is there, just as she promised.
The day she dies you will look around and be grateful for all of the people there supporting you and helping you pick up the pieces. The people that show up are your people. Never forget the ones that showed up, they are special.
The day she dies you’ll learn that you loved so hard, so deeply, so purely, that you will now grieve hard because of that beautiful love.
The day she dies you’ll learn that she loved you beyond measure. She mothered you more beautifully than any Hallmark movie. She believed in you more than you’ve ever believed in yourself. You’ll realize that she took care of you like you were the most precious cargo on the planet, even as an adult.
The day she dies you’ll realize, without hesitation, that she was the most amazing woman you’ve ever known and will ever know.
The day she dies you’ll appreciate her more than you ever have, and you’ll pray to have her back. Unfortunately, no prayers can bring her back. No wishes can make her appear.
So when she dies, remember her smile, remember her love, and remember her life.
Never forget her and everything that she was because the day she dies, you become her legacy.
xox, Chels
Written by Chelsea Ohlemiller.
Originally published here (2019): http://hopeandharshrealities.com/the-day-she-dies/
