04/19/2026
"How true it is that our God is a God of second chances."
April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month. A friend of A Door of Hope courageously shared her own story of finding forgiveness after abortion. Here is her story.
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Upon graduating from college and taking a job, it would seem as though my life as an independent woman was off to a great start. To family, friends, and acquaintances, it appeared I had it all together. No one could see the brokenness on the inside – the insecurity and the feeling that nothing I did or accomplished was ever good enough. I found myself making important life decisions to please others. In many ways, my life was a lie, and the consequences of some of my decisions would be lifechanging.
Although I grew up going to church, I never really thought much about God and certainly didn’t understand what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ. During my high school years, I dated someone whose parents were born-again Christians, a term I had never heard before. There was something different about this family that I liked, and I found myself spending a lot of time with them. Then shortly after graduating from high school, I met a born-again Christian woman who took a special interest in me and my life. I spent a lot of time with her as well, attending church services and engaging in detailed discussions about faith. While my relationship with my boyfriend eventually ended, I maintained a relationship with his parents and this woman.
Despite the influence of these godly people, I had inappropriate relationships with men, enjoying the attention and security that came with it. Eventually, I found myself pregnant. My initial response was to go into a state of denial. There was no way I could have a baby; I could never tell my parents… There was no other option for me but to terminate the pregnancy.
A couple of months after my abortion, the Christian woman I had befriended led me to Christ. My faith was weak, and I questioned how this would change my life. I had convinced myself that I had made the right decision to abort my baby. I also believed that my abortion experience was something that I could keep secret and forget about.
For many years, I continued to live a life that was not pleasing to God. In a way, I was living a double life. I was in a battle with how I wanted to live and how I was living. I would eventually hit rock bottom, struggling with relationships, leaving my career, and avoiding all men in my life. Yet I can now look back and see how God was at work in my heart and my life. I am so thankful for those who prayed for me every day, and it was during this time that I met my husband, a man of strong faith.
While we were dating, I ran into the doctor who performed my abortion procedure. Seeing him unearthed all those feelings of grief and sorrow; I chose to grieve alone. My husband and I married about two years later. He was outspoken on prolife issues which caused further emotional suffering on the inside. Soon I became pregnant. I felt so overwhelmed with guilt and shame – why would God allow me to have a baby? It didn’t seem right; I didn’t deserve to be a mother.
How true it is that our God is a God of second chances. We have beautiful children that were dedicated to the Lord. When our children became school age, I met a Christian mom who also had an abortion. While sharing our stories was freeing for me, it became clear in my heart that my husband needed to know my secret. One evening, my husband was telling me that his friend’s college age daughter was pregnant and made the decision to keep and raise the baby as a single mom. I recall breaking down and weeping uncontrollably because I did not make that decision. In that moment, my husband was there for me.
Soon after that, I received much-needed healing through A Door of Hope’s abortion recovery program. God then brought me to the place where I was able to accept His forgiveness, and that is sufficient. While my feelings toward myself change from time to time, God’s love and forgiveness does not change. I cherish Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13-14, “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Too often I wonder how many women are experiencing the deep wounds of abortion and need the healing and forgiveness available to them that only our loving and merciful God offers through Christ. I lived in silence for twenty years. I never realized how much shame, guilt, and regret I was carrying around inside, affecting my relationships and my ability to experience all that God had planned for me. I understood God’s forgiveness, but with that I needed to forgive myself and those I blamed for their part in my decisions.
I also needed to break through the many lies of abortion. I took the life of my baby, created by God… I did not simply rid my body of tissue. Even long after my healing, it was difficult to look at the stages of development of the unborn. I recall the day that God revealed to me that I had a daughter and it was then that I was finally able to give her a name. God knew her in the womb, and she is with Him in heaven.
The following excerpt from a poem written by Della Baker Hutto is a beautiful reminder of the hope I have, because of Christ, that I will be reunited with her someday.
"Father God, when is my mommy going to be here?"
"Soon, my child, soon."
"What do you think she is going to do when she sees me?"
"She will run to you, take you in her arms, and love you just as any other loving Mother would do."
"Father God why has she never held me in her arms before?"
"She never had the chance to do so, my child."
"Why did she never have the chance, Father God?"
"I don’t remember, my child."
I take comfort in Hebrews 8:12, “For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins so more.”
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If you are suffering after an abortion, you are not alone, and you can heal.
Please call us at 302-998-9000 for more information about A Door of Hope’s Abortion Recovery Assistance. All inquiries are confidential.
