Evexia Counseling and Consultation, PLLC

03/05/2026

I’m not a fan of CSI shows, typically, but Bones is the one CSI show I really love. I enjoy all the characters for their dynamics with each other and for how several of them grow and develop. One character I particularly enjoy is FBI agent special agent Seeley Booth, who is simply known as Booth.

Booth is very patriotic. It is surmised throughout the show that he has done terrible things as one of the most skilled snipers in the world before becoming an FBI agent, that he has been tortured in the line of duty, grew up being abused and caring for a little brother who he shielded from abuse, and later from consequences. Booth grew up in an environment in which he formed the identity of a protector, and made a career of being a protector, moving from military to law enforcement.

At times, Booth’s identity attachment to the law enforcement system stabilizes him and connects him to something bigger than himself, just like his faith. At other times, when that system is shown to have severe cracks, it takes him with it as it crumbles.

People often do the same in their families, their jobs, their communities, etc. And when the systems dissolve, fail to reciprocate, or outright betray them, their identity being tethered to that system strongly risks collapse. Some starting tips to strengthen identity resilience include:

Reflect regularly on your own thoughts and feelings when you are alone.
Identify your values, the guiding principles for your behavior/choices in a given situation.
Proactively determine how your values direct your behavior in the circumstances you typically face.

This is just a start, but can make a huge difference in the durability of your identity apart from the system that shapes it.

03/03/2026

Some wounds don’t heal because the environment that created them never changed.
We don’t just attach to people. We attach to roles inside systems — the responsible one, the black sheep, the peacemaker, the high achiever. Over time, those roles can become part of our identity.
But when a system continues to reinforce the same dynamics, healing becomes difficult. Not because you’re weak — but because the structure around you hasn’t shifted.
Growth often requires one of two things: changing the system, or changing your place within it.
You can’t heal what the system keeps breaking.

A common struggle in trauma treatment is a client with ongoing circumstances that are harmful or triggering without relief. Because attachment forms within relationships, or systems, and individuals make up those same re...

02/27/2026

People who tend to do more than their share in relationships often end up with people who do less.
At first, this can feel good. You may be seen as thoughtful, patient, and dependable. People appreciate you. But over time, that appreciation can turn into expectation. What was once valued slowly becomes assumed. And the person doing so much often ends up exhausted, frustrated, and alone.
Changing this pattern can be uncomfortable.
To create a healthier relationship, the person who overfunctions has to begin doing less. Not to punish anyone, but to stop carrying the entire relationship alone. This can be hard, especially if your sense of worth has been tied to being the reliable one.
Start by protecting your own well-being. Build support in other areas of your life. Then begin setting limits. Pay attention to what happens next.
Healthy relationships adjust. Unhealthy ones resist.
Either way, you begin to build a life where your value is not measured by how much you carry for others.

02/25/2026

Overfunctioning isn’t just about doing too much. It’s about who you learned you had to be in order to feel safe, valued, or secure.
Slowing down can feel threatening—not because it’s wrong, but because it creates space where your identity used to be filled by effort.
The work isn’t to stop being capable. It’s to learn that your worth remains intact even when you are at rest.
Start small:
• Let one thing remain unfinished today
• Notice the discomfort without immediately fixing it
• Remind yourself that capacity grows through balance, not constant output
Over time, you build a self that isn’t dependent on exhaustion to feel real.

02/23/2026

Would you believe me if I told you there are groups for trauma therapy? Let’s test that.

I offer group intensives for EMDR reprocessing. Of course they operate a bit differently than individual therapy, and there are some major benefits to some of those differences. These types of groups balance the specialization of EMDR and intensive work-fast, targeted work for quick breakthroughs-with the lower cost of groups. Check out this post to learn more about this specialty offering.

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02/20/2026

There are a lot of terms for a dynamic in which power is used to prevent those with the least amount of it from enjoying safe freedom of expression. Such a concentration of power, when abused, limits the ability of people to set boundaries.

For example, if a woman meets a man and the two fall in love, they develop a relationship where they both rely on each other. Add a child, and by the nature of pregnancy, childbirth, recovery and early infant care the woman becomes more dependent on her partner. He has more power because she is more likely to need him for survival than he is to need her. After being out of the workforce for a while to recover, childcare falls predominantly to her, and her career begins to take a hit. She becomes more dependent on her partner. If he uses that power to move more of he childcare and home responsibilities onto her, the becomes increasingly burned out, but can’t necessarily leave without somewhere else to go, unless she has enough money. But because of the dynamics of the relationship, her partner controls the money and can use that to cut off her ability to leave.

In this scenario, her ability to set boundaries effectively is limited by the power structure, especially if her partner abuses it.

I call these types of systems self-cannibalizing systems, because they consume those with the least power to support those with the most power. And while they destroy the people sacrificing to keep them going, they often control the resources a vulnerable person would need to leave the system.

So what can be done?
Labor unions address this in workplaces.
Prenups help in marriage (and so can divorce when resources allow)
The ability to exit and meeting needs somewhere else is the most effective way, in short.
And most important, reflect regularly to notice when these dynamics have crept up on you.

02/18/2026

When you were told you hurt your parent by saying no, or that you were bad for wanting to do what you wanted instead of what your parent(s) wanted… Or when you were harmed for trying to express your own thoughts and feelings, then it makes perfect sense to feel WORSE after setting a boundary. It’s not that you can’t or shouldn’t set boundaries, but that you need experiences to change your inner algorithm that associates harm with your boundaries.

Some of the ways you can begin to address this on your own without even being in therapy is to take 5-10 minutes in a given day, every day if you can, to reflect on a change you made, no matter how small, to better enforce or implement boundaries and tell yourself that you did good, why this action was good, and the positive quality it reflects from you.

Nervous system resets: exercise, deep breath, muscle relaxation, or sensory grounding to help your body relax into the present.

Practice noticing emotions without trying to change them, and then notice what happens when you notice them.

Ask for encouragement from a friend or loved one who supports your boundaries and well-being.

This is not an exhaustive list, but a good start on how to handle the natural backlash of setting boundaries that many experience.

02/16/2026

I really enjoy the dive into fictional character psyche. Often, these characters are written with such real experience in mind that they offer great sources of learning about mental health and healthy/unhealthy relationships. Today, I revisited “How I Met Your Mother” and reviewed Robin’s nature. Have fun reading!

Despite having what is probably the most hated television sitcom ending of all time, “How I Met Your Mother” did have quite a bit of comedy gold. In this post, however, I’m digging at a different element: attachment.

02/15/2026

10 days. There are 10 days given for couples to sift through 15-16 potential partners, get to know a couple and choose if they want to pursue marriage with one of them. And routinely, at least 4-6 couples will emerge claiming love for each other. And rarely will more than 1 make it to the alter to get married at the end of the experiment.

Ignoring a host of problems with the design of the show that encourage breakups over lasting relationships, I’ll focus instead on 1 particularly egregious problem: most people will not develop lasting love in 10 days. In the second, or “breakup,” phase of the show, most of the couples meet their relationship doom. They change from having never seen each other to living together. Fights happen over all the little things that they never got a chance to navigate because they DIDN’T HAVE TIME to develop a healthy relationship.

For many people, this is a real struggle, not just one of fake-reality television. Intensity before capacity is a recipe for disaster.

So instead of jumping from “Hey, nice to meet you,” to “you’re the love of my life,” slow it down. Take time to be yourself, time to build a foundation of togetherness over time.

02/11/2026

There are an abundance of ways to understand this message. “You can’t heal what the system keeps breaking” is the most direct. In essence, if you are working hard for an extended period of time (this can range widely, but I would start with a 9-12 month minimum as long as there are no physical safety or psychological abuse dynamics at play) and things aren’t getting better, it may not be you that needs to change (though by all means, keep leveling up!).

Sometimes, systems are not designed to promote well-being. One of my favorite systems to pick on is the education system in the US. I love the reels that discuss the neuroscience of how learning can be optimized for children’s brains, pointing out that policy-makers routinely ignore well-established science to the detriment of children. And don’t get me started on the abuse teachers suffer. The credit and lending system is another great example: stuff you need to earn more costs a lot and requires a loan to be able to purchase it. If you have bad credit lenders fear you can’t afford it, so they approve you with a more expensive loan to make the item less affordable… That seems pretty stacked against anyone born into a low income household.

Sometimes, the system is wrong. That’s just a tough part of reality that has to be accepted in order to begin adapting. And sometimes the best adaptation is to leave. Sometimes it is to change the system. Sometimes it is to abolish it entirely.

What’s important is that you think through it carefully and with plenty of counsel, and consider if your system is designed to keep you where you are at, no matter how much you improve yourself. If so, consider what it would take to have a system that promotes your well-being and rewards your effort.

02/09/2026

I’m beginning to write blogs using case studies from popular media to demonstrate what trauma and healing can look like without so much therapy jargon. Ironically, my first such case study blog is about a film with a lot of therapy, but fortunately still not so much jargon. I hope you enjoy this read about Good Will Hunting!

Good Will Hunting is one of my favorite movies. It shows how trauma, attachment wounds, and healing can happen in real life—not just in textbooks. The movie doesn’t rely on heavy psychology terms, which makes it a great ...

02/08/2026

I have been fascinated by the concept of limits lately, and particularly with understanding the cost of exceeding limits. We see this in all sorts of ways. If someone with a light-duty truck pulls or hauls too much weight with it, the frame of the vehicle becomes stressed and can break down prematurely. If a weight lifter uses too much weight on an exercise, they can become injured. In the case of Tolkien’s masterpiece, the hero pays the price of their epic journey.

The point I try to make is not to diminish the value of Frodo’s journey, but to honor it with understanding. Someone operating above their capacity (as resilient as Hobbits were, they certainly could not withstand the ring indefinitely) for so long, even for selfless and good causes, cannot escape the price. Frodo did not have the capacity to remain on Middle Earth. He needed a specialized place for healing and restoration.

In real life, I see this often with hard working people. They are highly responsible, and often have gone beyond the capacity of their system to produce and provide amazing things for others. Sometimes, they even make great money. But that doesn’t protect them from feeling burned out, fatigued, irritable, lonely, etc.

We all have limits, and it’s important to manage them effectively for our own sakes rather than just blow right past them-because, let’s face it, we don’t tend to encounter evil somewhat-sentient rings that need to be hoofed to an active volcano for disposal. Instead, we need to find time to be like the Hobbits, whose life protected their resilience in the first place: find simplicity, good food and song when we can, and rest enough to have space for the trials life will bring our way.