Kristin Vergo Counseling, LLC

02/15/2025

I’m excited to announce that I am now offering premarital and couples counseling intensives in Winston-Salem, NC and online throughout NC, CO, and FL! Intensives are a great way to focus on your relationship and go deeper over a couple of days, versus one hour sessions over months or years.

If you’re newly engaged, or even a couple who have been together awhile and want to jump start your relationship, this may be for you.

Why is Premarital Counseling Important? I have over 12 years experience of working with couples, and the healthiest and longest lasting relationships have good communication and conflict resolution skills, trust, and a roadmap of shared understanding of each other’s values and where the relationsh...

12/17/2024

02/25/2024

If you're not familiar with mindfulness, here is an introduction to what it is, why it's important, and 5 easy ways you can start practicing it now for better health!

In a world filled with distractions and constant stimuli, mindfulness offers us a path to reconnect with ourselves, find peace amidst chaos, and cultivate a deeper sense of well-being. By anchoring ourselves in the present moment, we can break free from the grip of past regrets and future anxieties,...

06/26/2023

12/02/2022

I‘m now licensed to practice in NC, as well as CO and FL!

08/29/2022

03/13/2022

Love the suggestions on how to communicate with your partner what’s happening when you are having a stress response from conflict! Being proactive in this way with good communication not only will help your nervous system and let your body know you’re safe, it can also help diffuse conflicts from becoming escalated because your partner knows what’s going on vs having their own interpretation of your behavior. ⭐️

We learn how to deal with conflict as children when we watch the adults around us dealing with conflict in their own lives.

For some of us conflict in our homes meant: screaming matches, the relationship ending (or parental abandonment), the silent treatment, retaliation (you hurt me, now I’m going to hurt you) or it meant harsh punishment. Sometimes we faced very tough consequences for doing something “bad” or “wrong.” And in the process we learned: conflict means love is taken away.

Witnessing parents who were emotionally immature + unable to cope with conflict has long term impacts on us. It also had an impact on our nervous system— we can enter immobilization states where we shut down, become highly emotionally reactive/unable think, or dissociate (leave our body during conflict.)

Conflict is simply two different perspectives colliding. It happens consistently in relationships + is part of human nature.

Conflict can actually *help* our relationships because (if we understand how to navigate it) we can feel more connected to our partners. We can say “I see your perspective” it differs from mine. And that’s ok. I love you. You love me. Conflict doesn’t mean what it meant in the past.

If conflict brings up strong intense emotions (specifically of abandonment) talk to your partner about this. Share with each other how conflict was dealt with in your homes. If you need it + LOTS OF US DO ask for re-assurance.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE:

- “I’m feeling a lot of intense things within my body, can you just affirm you love me?”

- “this disagreement is feeling like a lot. I need to take a break for myself. Can you let me know this is ok?”

- “I am feeling myself want to shut down + run away from this situation. I don’t know why + just want to share this with you”

- my nervous system is entering fight or flight + im struggling to find the words to express myself. Can we sit in silence for a minute or two?”

- “this is bringing up my stress response + I feel like I’m going to cry. Is there any way I could just have a hug right now?”

10/01/2021

“If I betray myself enough, then you won’t leave me.” These word may never have been spoken exactly that way by you, but the message is often what is present when we fear someone abandoning us.

Wounded attachments from childhood are often where this programming has its origin story. What must I trade in order to attach? In order to be enough? Chosen? Loved? What must I give away of myself to gain those things from you?
We seek what is familiar to our system, and we can find ourselves re-enacting the past. Our system gets drawn into familiarity and seeks to recreate in order to find a different outcome. Except, we can’t guide ourselves to a new outcome if we aren’t awake. We can’t get there if we abandon or betray ourselves in order to keep another.

This work is HARD. Take a moment here. What we’re communicating is that it is more threatening to be abandoned by another than to betray ourselves. Our need to be chosen by another is superior to being chosen by ourselves. We must journey back into our wounds, trauma, and story to inspect and unpack. There’s work in our origin story that needs our attention so that we can pivot. We cannot have authentic connection and attachment if we are abandoning ourselves. It just won’t work that way. So if the above is landing for you, begin to consider your origin story around being abandoned. Explore expectations around relationships. What do you believe is your partners responsibility with you and vice versa? What does abandoning yourself feel like? How have you reasoned that away? What do you believe being chosen will heal in you? Just some questions to start you.