Remembering Doc Mayner

06/14/2025

Happy heavenly birthday tomorrow, dad. It would have been your 89th earthly birthday but instead we only got you for 47 short years. I miss you so much. It isn’t fair or easy.

02/13/2025

Ron - I know you don’t know me but I wanted you to know when my father passed away in January 1984, you were the only person on any channel that reported it with respect and gave him the honor he so rightly deserved. I have loved and respected you for this. I was 20 years old and it was covered on every channel for days and even as young as I was, I knew the difference. I will miss you with all of my heart. 😔

https://www.facebook.com/ronsteele7

09/10/2024

Maybe if people's heads weren't buried in the sand of ignorance and they took the time to understand, instead of judging and thinking it won't happen to them because they have the perfect family, life would be a little bit easier for people that do experience this! This hits close to home for me, for family and friends who live under this shadow. The days of 'it' not being talked about or being taboo should be over. In the most difficult moments of life you realize who your true friends are, and the people who really appreciate you. Unfortunately, most social media 'friends' aren't true friends. They will send you a "like" here and there, but in reality they do not take time to read your status if they see it's lengthy. More than half will stop reading right here, or have already scrolled on to the next post on their page. I decided to post this message in support of all those who continue to battle with their mental illness. (Su***de is at an all time high). Now, let's see who will have taken the time to read this lengthy post right through to the end. If you have read everything so far, please "like" it so that I can put a thank you on your page. More mental health awareness is urgently needed. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean people aren't suffering. Please, try to spare a little of your time with someone who may just want to talk (about anything). Talking can help us all to cope a little more, keeping things bottled up just makes it worse. Most people will say, "if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, I'll be there to help you" but will they? I believe a select few of my friends will post this, to show their support for those who may be struggling. Thank you!

I am copying & posting this because I believe in what it is saying & supporting my friends who are dealing with mental illness❣️

08/25/2024

Look what came in the mail. My dad has been gone for over 40 years. If I could have been only half the legend.
Update - I found this one on Amazon, but I saw that eBay has quite a few, also. It is 1:64 size. The box says it copyright 2021.

06/16/2024

When the family is no longer family and you were raised that family are the only ones to trust and count on. It makes it difficult to move on to find purpose and security. I hope to feel that again. I miss my mom and dad so much. I miss Donny and Lex so much. I miss granny Lee and papa so much. I miss little Cara Cay. I miss Carrie and Rhody. I miss feeling joy. I miss laughing all night with Linda Holm.

06/13/2024

Today is a nonfunctional day. Some days it is just hard to breathe.

04/02/2024

I held a party the other week and grief came.
She wasn’t invited but she came anyway - barged her way in through the door and settled down like she was here to stay.
And then she introduced me to the friends she’d brought with her - Anger. Fear. Frustration. Guilt. Hopelessness.
And they sang in the loudest voices, took up space in every corner of the room and spoke over anyone else that tried to talk.
They made it messy and loud and uncomfortable.
But finally, they left.
And long afterwards, when I was all alone,
I realized there was still someone here.
Quietly clearing up after the rest.
I asked who she was and she told me, “Love.”
And I assumed that’s why she looked familiar - because I had met her before.
“Or perhaps,” she said, “it’s because I’ve been here the whole time.”
And I was confused then because I hadn’t seen her all evening.
But when I looked more closely,
when I looked into her eyes,
I realized quietly that she had been here.
All the time.
She’d just been dressed as grief.
*****
Becky Hemsley 2023
Image created with Canva
I share this poem a lot because I think it can be quite comforting to think of grief as simply love in disguise ❤
‘Afterparty’ is from the book When I Am Gone
https://a.co/d/35WJcRh

03/04/2024

Happy Heavenly Anniversary to my mom and dad. Today would have been their 68th anniversary and I hope they are celebrating in heaven together again with Donnie. I miss all of them so much.

02/13/2024

01/29/2024

40 years ago today, we lost my father. He was only 47 years old. We lost my brother 47 years ago. Donny, who was 19 years old, has been gone for as long as my father lived now. This last year, my mother joined them and they are all together again. It is hard for me to fathom and wrap my mind around how time goes by. The world keeps turning. There never seems to be enough time with those we love here on earth. I was 12 years old, when Donny died, the same year I lost Carrie and Jeff, and 8 years later, I lost my father. In those 8 years, I graduated high school, got married and found out I was having my first child, born exactly on my due date, predicted by dad, 8 months after his death on 8/19/84. When Dad died, he had just told me that I was pregnant and had given me the due date. I felt so robbed that he wasn't going to meet my child.

All of these years, somehow with mom still being here, it never really felt like Dad and Donny were really really gone for good, but when Mom died in May, I realized deep down finally, none of them were ever coming back. From my daughter's home, out the window, I can see the home my father built and the home my mother built across the street from each other.

Dad in January, Donny in April and now Mom in May. I know they will always be with me and as long as we keep talking about them, they are still with us somehow, but I am a much more visual person and I miss their voices and touch and feedback and encouragement. This year, I won't spend the day crying from missing them, but will rejoice in their reunion. I will thank the good Lord for all of the years, she gave me with all of them and the love they gave me, when they were here with me. I will keep telling my children of the memories and the stories to keep their lives going. That is what this page is all about - the stories and memories we share of them, so my children and grandchildren know where they came from and who they are in this world.

01/11/2024

I didn’t understand how much it would hurt
to heal.
I thought I’d be further along by now.
A bit more intact.
Some days, I drift and float weightless
atop my grief.
Let it carry me freely wherever.
And others,
I’m pulled into the cold, endless depths of it. Wave after wave of reminders and memories.
I thought by now I’d be stronger.
I’d be able to swim out from the undertow
and breathe again.
I didn’t understand how much of me is missing without you.
I feel so lost.
I’m tired of condolences and well wishes.
I want to laugh with you again.
I want to see you walk through the door.
I want to hear your footsteps coming toward me once more.
I didn’t understand how quiet life would be without you here.
There’s only echoes now.
I call out and wait for a reply I know
isn’t coming.
I didn’t understand how much of my heart
was home for you.
I’m filled with empty spaces
I’m not sure what to do with now.
How much can one person lose before there's nothing left of themselves?
I didn't understand how much it would hurt
to heal.
J. Raymond
"Take This For The Pain"
From my book The Kindred Project: Vol. II
(Available June '24)
Signed Books, Custom Poetry, and Framed Works are available through the shop tagged in post. Thank you for connecting with me. Your support means the world.

📸 credit: alebloshka

12/22/2023

We do the best we can from what we have learned from our parents