09/01/2025
Rehearsing Collapse
This morning, I climbed the hill I climb nearly every day, 15-pound vest on, legs heavy, air thin.
At the top, I let out a groan.
It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t intentional.
But the moment the sound escaped my mouth, I recognized it.
It was the same sound I made yesterday after a long, productive day at work.
That groan, the same one that left my lips after a challenging procedure, after caring for a heavy load of patients, after giving everything I had, wasn’t about the work itself.
It was my brain’s automatic response to effort.
And that realization stopped me cold.
Here’s what I know:
Every time we face a hard thing: a hill, a patient, a client, a to-do list, a challenge, we’re not just going through it.
We’re rehearsing how we respond to effort.
And the brain doesn’t miss a rehearsal.
Every sound you make…
Every sigh at the end of the day…
Every time you say, “This is so hard,” or “I’m exhausted,” or “I can’t do this anymore”…
You’re teaching your brain that effort equals suffering.
You’re wiring in collapse.
You’re anchoring fatigue into your identity.
Not because you are weak, but because your brain believes what you repeatedly say and do.
Here’s what neuroscience tells us:
Your thoughts create emotions
Your emotions drive physiological responses
Repetition of that loop wires those responses into your neural pathways
So when you finish a hard task and groan or complain, your brain begins associating success with strain.
Accomplishment with depletion.
Challenge with collapse.
And over time?
That loop becomes your personality.
Your self-image.
Your identity.
That’s why it matters.
That’s why this morning, at the top of the hill, I paid attention.
I heard the groan. I felt the pattern. I saw the lie.
And the next time I reached the top, I didn’t let it happen.
Instead of groaning, I made a different choice.
One small word.
One shift in response.
And everything changed.
My breath returned to normal.
My shoulders relaxed.
My body didn’t crumple, it stood strong.
The work hadn’t changed.
But my relationship to the work had.
And that’s how you rewire your brain.
One conscious moment at a time.
What sound do you make when something is hard?
What emotion do you feed when you finish something that challenged you, even if the challenge was your responsibility? 
Because the brain remembers.
And it’s becoming who you are.
Tomorrow I’ll share the one word that changed my whole response.
But for now, I’ll leave you with this:
You don’t just go through life.
You train for it.
And every moment is a rehearsal.
What are you rehearsing?
I am not trying to raise our vibration. I want to raise our standard so we are unshakable in doing hard things.