05/03/2023
I want to talk about something that is pretty important to me. The outdated idea of “mental age”. Or rather I thought that it was outdated, but yet I was confronted by it today in a place I really didn’t expect - from a doctor at a rather “progressive” local paediatric rehab hospital.
Sophie is due for some dental work and for her that means going under general anaesthesia. We had the intake consult over the phone with the anaesthesiologist. It was going rather as can be expected until the above mentioned “so what age do you feel she functions at?”
I took a deep breath of honest surprise and being genuinely taken aback. I mean this is a paediatric rehab hospital, renowned and well respected. Is this what they really ask their patients’ caregivers?
When I replied that Sophie is an 11 year old girl with a developmental disability and that is the age she functions at, the lady got quite huffy and said “well most parents are able to give me a number” like I was the one being difficult! I again countered with “she had a limited vocabulary, is fully ambulatory, can follow simple directions (usually), is able to read and navigate her iPad, will likely not engage with you on your meeting as she will be escalated due to being anxious and in an unfamiliar environment” you know, the things I thought she needs to know for the purpose of the call she impatiently sighed and replied “so like a 6 year old?”
Sigh. No. Not a 6 year old. Not a 2 year old. Not in between 2 and 6 year old. She functions as an 11 year old with an intellectual disability- not more, not less.
I’m not sure if the lady was able to check off a magic number on her checklist, and frankly I don’t care. We are done with “mental age”. Sophie has been alive for almost 11 years and has the acquired knowledge and experience of being alive almost 11 years. Telling someone that her language is maybe like that of 2 year old is not an accurate picture as her language IS NOT as that of a 2 year old- rather it is the language of an autistic 11 YEAR OLD who has a developmental disability and is still learning to use language in the same way we do.
Ask about how she behaves in unfamiliar environments. Ask about what can make the experience less stressful. Ask about her language and how best to communicate with her. Ask about her medical history. Ask about her favorite things to make the process more comfortable. I will give you all that and more. But never ask me what age she functions at because the answer will always be the same - she functions at her age because that’s the only age she’s ever been. And she’s freaking awesome at being almost 11.
Picture is of Sophie just now on the balcony smiling at what she’s looking at (probably cars).
