08/11/2024
Thirty years ago I lived for two years in a village in Côte d'Ivoire, West Africa, working with the midwife there as a health volunteer with the Peace Corps. I learned more than I could ever express, but one thing I learned is it is NOT. NORMAL. for babies to be fussy and cry a lot.
Somehow, at least in "American" culture, we have been taught that crying and fussing can be really normal.
"oh, babies fuss."
"my baby cries a few hours a day and my pediatrician said it's 'colic' and will go away around four months"
"my baby is fussy in the evening, but I heard it's just the 'witching hour', so there's not much we can do about it"
"my baby is crying but they have to learn to self-soothe--my sleep consultant told me crying is just another way a baby communicates"
Back to my experience in West Africa...why am I bringing this up? Because there, I lived in the middle of the village surrounded by families with babies. So I could hear what was going on at night, as well as witness it during the day as I moved around the village, worked at the maternity center, lunched with families, etc.
What I saw was babywearing all. the. time...nursing whenever the baby wanted...sleeping with babies (safely). Babies were calmed. Babies were bounced (on their mother's back, aunt's back, sister's back--even on a 5-year-old's back). Babies needs were always met.
At night the village was silent. It was magical. I remember those nights. Not only were the stars brighter than anywhere else I'd ever seen but also just so quiet. Babies weren't crying in the middle of the night.
I share this to encourage everyone to stop normalizing babies crying.
Let's stop normalizing fussiness.
Meanwhile your version of what fussy means could be different than someone else's.
I see often that when babies are fussy, the first thing to try is feed them more (even if you know you "just" fed them), even if from the "third breast" or more from a bottle. If they clearly don't want more milk, then an up-and-down bounce (where their head is NOT moving) is soooo helpful.
But if they still seem to be fussy, and of course, you've tried to see if they need help burping (not that common but could be), or need a diaper changed...or just need help falling asleep with some rhythm and sound...then seek out help from an IBCLC who can evaluate the whole picture.
It could be baby's latch and suckle on your body or a bottle. Could be that you could learn some new ways to soothe your baby or learn better babywearing. Or maybe there's a gut health issue we can discuss and give you some ideas (and probably other providers to see). We'd also love to see you before you start adding in medications, as those can affect a baby's gut health, so while of course, that's something to discuss with your baby's doctor, there may be other things that are appropriate to try first--it's about teamwork!
Babies should be calm most of the time. If not, get help.
