11/16/2021
Can two people experience the same event and have completely different emotional reactions?
Of course, they can. How we react emotionally to situations is a consequence of our beliefs about the situation. Imagine two baseball players who both get hits while at bat and both find themselves on third base. Both are in relatively equal situations, but one is unhappy and frustrated, and the other is ecstatic. Why? Well, the first player may be in contention for the home run record, and this might be the last chance at bat for the season. That player may have placed greater importance on achieving a home run, so the triple was “just not good enough.” Meanwhile, the second player may have been just called up from the minor leagues and was hoping to impress the fans and the coaches. Hitting a triple was much better than could be expected and “fantastic!” in that player’s mind. Two “equal” events with two vastly disparate reactions!
We are not different than those players. As individuals, we can have vastly different sets of experiences and expectations that lead us to interpret events in our lives quite differently. These interpretations of events are then translated into emotional responses that contribute to our sense of well-being. These concepts are the basis for cognitive-behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT seeks to understand individuals by examining their beliefs in reaction to events or situations in their lives. Those beliefs are what determine their emotional reactions to events. Improvement in therapy follows the modification of beliefs that lead to distressing reactions. Remember that home run contender? The exaggerated importance of that one event, the belief that the player was “not good enough,” led to that athlete’s distress. Does the “missed opportunity” of not getting the home run make the player a “not good enough” athlete? Certainly not! That player was among the best in all of baseball, rising to the top ranks of the sport. Obviously good enough, and even great!
So, the next time something doesn’t go your way and you are feeling distressed, take the opportunity to analyze your beliefs about the situation. Are your beliefs realistic? Does the evidence against your beliefs outweigh the evidence for your beliefs? Are you possibly jumping to conclusions about the event? Are your beliefs based on habit or fact? If you conclude that your beliefs are not realistic, what can you tell yourself next time that is based on a realistic interpretation of the event? And finally, ask yourself how you feel now that you have a more realistic view of what happened.
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