06/10/2025
Our team at STEPS for Kids uses empathic communication and focuses on discovering what the child's behavior is telling us. Our clinic approach is rooted in all that I've learned through the years as an OT and a parent. Looking for something different that will support both you and your child? Check out STEPS for Development, where you can get the benefit of all that we teach in therapy through parent coaching, educational opportunities and more. I hope to see you inside STEPS for Development! ~ Deb Johnson, MS, OTR/L
About 15 years ago, as I was exploring effective ways to address behaviors within my OT sessions, I learned about “empathic communication.” This style of communication focuses on really understanding what the person is trying to communicate and practicing empathy for their emotions and needs as way to connect and engage effectively with that person.
Long before then, I had learned how to put structure in place to support children in making transitions, especially when having to end an OT session. In preparation for that transition during one session, I turned my back on a 4 year old while setting the visual timer as I said: “It’s almost time to go. I’ll set the timer so we know when it is time to finish.”
As I reached for the timer, a beanbag flung by said 4 year old hit me square between the shoulder blades. Staying calm and curious about what caused this outburst of aggression, I turned around and said “Oh, did you need me for something?”
4 year old glares at me and growls, “I hate that timer!” Still not too sure how to react to being hit by the beanbag, I tried buying time to think by agreeing with him. “Ugh! I hate that timer, too! What is up with that timer?” (said in a growling voice, in sync with the child). And then I waited, silent for a moment.
In that quiet space, the child sadly stated, “I’m not done playing yet.” And there it was. The real reason why he threw the beanbag. Frustrated by having to end before he was finished, the child was simply expressing his feelings and his intense desire, his NEED to finish playing.
So, I “leaned in” to his feelings. I told him that I wanted to keep playing too. He leaned right back in to me - "Yeah! Let's keep playing!" All the aggression was gone, just like that. He was now connected and able to listen as I said, "I wish we could keep playing, the problem is you have to go home and eat lunch now." Suddenly, as though he just remembered how hungry he was, he was ready to leave. He even helped my clean up before departing.
The best part of that session? His mom was right there to see it all play out. She had let out an audible gasp when he threw the beanbag and almost jumped in to "correct him" - which would have surely just escalated his behavior more. What did we both learn that day? Two things:
1. Big emotions can lead to BIG behaviors.
2. Connection makes all the difference.
That session changed the way I look at and address challenging behaviors. Let's stop reacting and start understanding.
Who is with me?
