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Whole Family Integrative Health, 520 E Kendall Drive, Yorkville, IL (2026)

02/02/2022

THE CLINIC IS CLOSED TODAY BECAUSE OF THE WEATHER.

06/24/2021

Video Games and Internet Use---How Much Is Too Much???

One of the most frequent topics of conversation I have when working with children and families is the topic of using the internet, how family member use social media, how adults and children use video games, and in general, how much time is spent online and using electronics. Computers and internet use have significantly changed the way we spend our time and as a result, the way we live our lives. In many ways, computer use has made our lives more convenient. But also in many ways, computer use has also made our lives more complicated. As a result, it is important that adults, parents, and children think about the impact that computer use, internet use, and video game playing are having on their lives.

When I talk with families about this topic, one of the questions I usually ask is whether the use of computers, internet, and video games is interfering with the overall functioning of the individual or family. For example, when thinking about a child or teen, is the use of electronics interfering with rest and sleep, is the use interfering with academic and school progress and success, is the use interfering with the child having healthy and well-rounded relationships with family members and peers, is the use interfering with the child or teen helping out around the home, and does the electronics use appear to be changing the personality and behavior of the child or teen in a negative way? If you have children using electronics in your home, then these are all reasonable questions to be asking yourself. And if you find yourself answering “yes” to these questions, then your child or teen is using electronic media too much.

I also find that sometimes even in families in which there are no children, the use of electronics has appeared to be causing problems. And in families in which there are children and teens, the adults themselves are setting a poor example to the children of how much electronics should be used and what role the internet should be playing in the life of the family. The use of the internet can be as attractive to adults as it can be to children and teens. So adults need to be looking at and asking themselves the very same questions I suggested previously. Is my use interfering in my physical health and sleep, is my use interfering with my relationships with other adults, is my use interfering in work productivity and success, and is my use interfering in my relationship with my partner and / or children? Once again if the answer is “yes”, then it would be wise to reduce your use of the internet, electronics, and video games.

In general, with the widespread use of electronics and electronic media, it is wise for all of us to frequently ask ourselves if our use of the internet, social media, and video games is having a negative effect on our lives and on our families. Are we using the internet in unhealthy ways to cope with stress or to avoid important problems in our lives? Are our children using the internet or video games in a way that causes them to miss out on real person-to-person friendships or suffer academically in school? Are we letting our children use electronics because it is an easy way to keep them entertained and ‘out of our hair’? Do we even actually know what our children are doing online and what they are using the internet for? And finally, are we adults setting a good example for how to use electronics and the internet? If you have a computer, video game system, tablet, or smart phone in your home, these would all be important questions to think about.

George W. Hotchkiss, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist

06/14/2021

Help make summer a breeze….

So now what? The school year is over and summer vacation is here. First, you can’t wait for school to be over. Now your kids have been home for three days and you can’t wait for school to start again. Fear not! These tips might help to make your summer meaningful, enjoyable, and less stressful.

1. Have a routine! I am not suggesting you schedule every minute of every day, but a loose “plan for the day” can be beneficial for everyone. A regular wake up time, developmentally-appropriate chores and expectation, and time for fun! A routine is especially useful for anxious children. In addition, you might want to keep a calendar that highlights special events.

2. Unplug your children-for at least part of the day. Place reasonable limits on their use of technology and media. This includes video games, television, and social media! Summer doesn’t mean a “media free-for-all.” Setting limits on the amount of media they consume will allow them the time and space to develop other interests.

3. Try to get outside every day, weather permitting. It doesn’t need to be a major outing-take walk around the block, have a nature scavenger hunt, walk the dog. If you have the time, take a hike with your children. We have many trails available in this area.

4. Read a chapter book out loud to them. During this time, parents, you read, the kids get to listen and enjoy. If they want, let them color or build with Legos as you read (trust me, it may actually help to focus their attention). Some of my favorite memories with my children are of times we spent reading out loud. Characters in books have sparked great conversations. Pick a chapter book you will all enjoy and read it aloud, trying to read each day. I challenge you to read aloud to your children for 100 days in a row without missing any.

5. If you can, hang a bird feeder in your backyard in a location you can easily see from the house. Keep a bird journal—how many different birds can you see? You can get a book of native birds of Illinois from your local library—see if your children can identify the birds that visit your feeder.

6. Plant some vegetables. If you don’t have any space for an actual garden, try large pots. Cherry or grape tomatoes are fun to grow with kids-and are tasty as well. Let your kids do some research about they want to plant, how to care for the plants, and then enjoy and watch them grow!

7. Allow your children time to be “bored.” You don’t need to schedule every minute of every day. There is value in downtime. Give your children time to be alone with their thoughts

Dr. Simmonds

05/10/2021

Children, Teens, and Gender Identity:
How Parents can Handle when their Child thinks they are the Wrong Gender

Children and teenagers are constantly growing, changing, adapting to their social environment, and managing school, all while exploring and learning about their own personal identities. What a load to juggle! For some children and teens, this may include exploring what it means to be the gender they were assigned at birth-in terms of societal gender roles, appearance, and whether they truly fit what it means to be a “boy” or a “girl.” For some, they may realize that their gender identity doesn’t fit perfectly into their assigned gender at birth.

As a parent, what should you do if your child comes to you, feeling uncertain about their gender?

Do’s and Don’ts of talking to your Child about their Gender Identity

Do’s:
• Use your child’s chosen pronouns and name. This may feel strange at first and you will likely make mistakes, but empower your child to find a safe-feeling way for your child to correct you when this occurs. Practice results in improvement.
• Assure your child that you love them no matter what choices or realizations they make. Unconditional love and support from you has a huge impact on your child’s mental health.
• Explore what they might want to change. For some, that may include changing their hairstyles, clothing choices, or using other items that may help your child feel more comfortable in their body. These sites may help give a bit more information on how to start: GenderSpectrum, Pflag
• Follow their lead, but don’t rush for the big decisions. Your child needs time to learn more about themselves and what feels right.
• Find a gender-savvy therapist for your child. Children and teens who are transgender or nonbinary are found to have higher rates of depression than cisgender children. Their therapist can also help you explore the next step for your child.
• Speak with a gender-knowledgeable pediatrician. Keeping them on board and discussing options for your child’s potential transition options.
• Consider a transgender support group for your child with other children their age.
• Learn what your child’s school can do to support your child in the school environment, including the use of their chosen pronouns and name.
Don’ts:
• Don’t focus on assumption that this a “phase.” Be flexible with your child’s exploration of themself. Showing that you support them no matter what they learn or decide about themselves is critical to supporting their mental health and overall well-being.
• Don’t assume how your child’s transition may look. Every person’s gender journey looks different. Continue checking in with your child about what will help them feel comfortable.
• Don’t intentionally ignore child’s chosen pronouns and name.
• Don’t express negative emotions or concerns with your child. If you are struggling with your child’s gender identity, it is important to process this with a therapist or in a parent support group to better work through your emotions related to your child’s gender identity.

Remember that during these changes your child is still your child, and they need your love and support during this exploration and potential transition. Studies show that children or teens who do not receive support from parents are much more likely to experiences serious depressive symptoms, dissatisfaction with life, suicidal ideation and su***de attempts and engage in much higher rates of risk-taking behaviors. The benefit to your child’s exploration of their gender identity can lead to a child more truly understanding themselves as a person and ultimately result in improved mental health.

Giving your child support, validation, and unconditional love increases resilience, self-esteem, and overall well-being and happiness. Whatever your child learns about themselves during their childhood and teenage developmental years, they will come out as better adjusted adults in part because of your continued love and support.
Haley Christensen, LCPC

05/04/2021

How Can Parents Deal With Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is one of the more challenging and frustrating conditions for parents to deal with. It is defined as a behavioral disorder which occurs for at least 6 months in which a child exhibits at least four of the following eight characteristics or behaviors;

1. The child often loses his / her temper.
2. The child is often easily annoyed.
3. The child is often angry and resentful.
4. The child is frequently argumentative with authority figures and / or parents.
5. The child is frequently noncompliant with rules and requests.
6. The child often deliberately annoys others.
7. The child often blames others for their misbehavior.
8. The child will often display a pattern of vindictiveness or revenge toward others.

As can be seen from these characteristics, living with a child and parenting a child with ODD will usually mean that the child is creating quite a bit of chaos for all the occupants of the home and perhaps other environments such as school as well. The chaos that is created is hard to ignore and frustrating for all to deal with. Research is not clear as to the causes of ODD and there has not been any one certain cause identified. It is likely that there are both inherited and environmental factors that play a role.

So, what can a parent do to help a child with ODD? I will briefly describe some of the methods that will be of most use.

A. I discourage parents from trying to deal with every misbehavior, all at the same time. The minor misbehaviors are often best ignored if at all possible. I work with parents to pick out a few of the most troubling behaviors and we work to implement methods to manage and reduce those troubling behaviors.
B. Whenever possible, try to use positive methods to increase the frequency of behavioral improvement. Negative consequences tend to increase the hostility and vindictiveness of the child and by themselves, rarely result in the child changing in a favorable way. Try to keep an eye out for the child acting properly and then praise those efforts. If your child is mostly hearing criticism and corrections from you, your relationship with that child is going to suffer.
C. Try to build opportunities and activities for there to be positive and favorable interactions with the child.
D. Keep the rules simple and predictable. Avoid getting into lengthy arguments or lectures with the child. These children almost seem to enjoy arguing and rarely is anything accomplished by arguing with them. Arguing tends to also increase hostility and vindictiveness.
E. Parents need to take care of themselves. Dealing with noncompliance and anger can create lots of anger in the parents which can lead to inappropriate behavior on the part of the parent. ODD is a condition that often needs professional help and support and I would encourage parents to seek out help to get the help and support they need to manage it.

George W. Hotchkiss, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist

04/12/2021

What is bothering my younger child???

Being the parent of a young child is no doubt, a fulltime job. When they are very young, they are entirely dependent on their parents to meet their needs. And sometimes, figuring out those needs can be a challenge. Even when you have provided everything that you think they need, they can still appear to be in distress about something. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could just tell us what they need?!? Fortunately, that is a skill that they can learn and develop as they gradually get older and learn how to communicate with words. But until then, figuring out what they need can be a guessing game…are they hungry, are they tired, do they need a diaper change, do they need to be held, do they need interaction and stimulation or play?

As children get older, they gradually get more skilled at letting us know what they need. They are able to move around on their own and they also learn how to communicate using oral language (talking) and also bodily language such as facial expressions. Their ability to communicate can make it easier to figure out what they need or what may be bothering them. However, as they get older, a child’s needs become more complex. Because of this, figuring out what they need or what is bothering them can get more complex as well. Once again, a parent may know something is bothering the child, but the child may not be able to effectively let the parent know what the problem is.

In these cases, having the child see a professional who is experienced in working with young children can be very useful. People trained in how to provide therapy to young children use a variety of methods and techniques to figure out what is going wrong and what may be troubling your child. Depending on the age of the child, the professional will use sensory play, projective play, or role play techniques to interact with your child and come to a better understanding of what kinds of things may be troubling your child. In addition, art therapy techniques can be useful in helping a child communicate what the difficulty might be.

Play and art are ways young children (and even older children) can communicate about what is going on in their mind and the things that are troubling them. The office of an experienced professional who works with younger children will be equipped with toys, dolls, puppets, art supplies, and child sized furniture. It is through the child’s use of the play equipment and interactions of the professional with the child that it can be learned what may be bothering your child.

The important thing to understand here is that when a younger child is having behavioral or emotional problems, there are professionals who can assist you and your child to get things figured out and make things start to work better.

George W. Hotchkiss, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist

04/06/2021

Warning signs your Teen may be Struggling

“I never realized she feels depressed; she acts totally fine”
“All he does is hide in his room all day.”
“Isn’t being moody just part of being a teenager?”

These are among many of the comments parents make before realizing their teenager may be struggling significantly with depression or anxiety. Teenagers may become very good at “looking okay,” or exhibiting behaviors that may seem like normal “teenage growing pains.” However, there are some warning signs parents should be looking out for.

Significant Changes may Include:
• A sudden, noticeable shift in overall mood. Depression and anxiety can look like frequent irritability, sadness, sullenness, or fidgety nervous behaviors. Your teen may also be quick to anger and take a while to return to neutral or happy.

• Notable increase or decrease in sleeping habits and energy levels. Anxiety and depression can result in overthinking and nervousness that interrupts sleep and turns into insomnia, or everyday naps and late mornings to avoid dealing with their feelings or stress.

• Significant change in eating habits, eating much more or much less. Depression can result in overeating, especially carbohydrates, to stimulate serotonin receptors and get that “reward” feeling. Depression can also lead to decreased appetite and interest in making food to eat.

• Isolating in room much more than before. If your teen usually spends more time downstairs with the family and has been doing a lot less of this, this may be a sign of depression. If your child has not been seeing friends like they used to, this can also be a sign of depression.

• Noticeable change in school performance, concentration, and motivation for schoolwork, and sometimes a decrease in grades. Sometimes teens who are struggling with anxiety and perfectionism may continue to have good grades but struggle a lot trying to maintain them.

• Less attention to appearance and hygiene. Your teen suddenly wears more sweatshirts and sweatpants than usual, and seem to have reduced personal hygiene.

• Frequent physical symptoms such as head or body aches, nausea, shaking, or fatigue. If your teen complains of somatic symptoms often, with no underlying medical cause, your teen may be struggling with depression or anxiety. Check with your teen’s pediatrician to rule out illness.

• Making frequent self-deprecating jokes. If sarcasm is not the “norm” in your family, it may be a warning sign if your teen makes sarcastic and hurtful jokes about themselves. Be aware of your teen suddenly having more “dark” humor or behaving like they “don’t care” about anything.

• Risk taking behavior such as getting involved with drugs or unsafe sexual behavior.

Sometimes, teens with severe depression may begin self-harming. Warning signs for this may include:
• Your teen suddenly wearing long sleeve shirts all the time in warm seasons or becoming upset when parents may see their arms, legs, or stomach.

• Teens has broken skin on their knuckles or hands from punching walls or other hard surfaces.

• Frequent unexplained scratches, bruises, or wounds on the body.

• Avoidance of activities that may show skin, such as swimming.

• Keeping sharp objects on hand, notably in their bedroom. This can include razors, pins, scissors, pocket knives, shards of glass, and other household items with sharp edges.

• Unusual blood stains on bedding, tissues, towels, or clothing.

If you have any doubt about your teenager’s safety, meet with a mental health professional or medical doctor to check for self-harm or suicidal thoughts. These professionals can help you determine if your teen is struggling with depression or anxiety.

Teenagers who are struggling may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid of your reactions to their struggles, and may put a lot of work towards looking “okay.” Do not yell at your teen for these above mentioned behaviors, as this may increase their feelings of sadness or anxiety and result in an increase of these behaviors.

Your family may benefit from meeting with a qualified mental health therapist to help your teenager manage their emotions and improve communication in the family.

It may take time and effort to understand and support your teen, but your family is worth it.

Haley Christensen, LCPC

03/30/2021

Overhead in your child’s preschool class, “You’re so smart.”

Meeting the new neighbor, “I have three kids, they are so smart.”

At the piano recital, “Your child is so talented.”

“That quarterback is so awesome. He is bound for the pros.”

How often do you hear phrases such as these? How often do you say them to your children? Believe it or not, these simple words can lead to a whole host of problems. Carol Dweck, a researcher whose work I was first introduced to in 2003, was interested in why some people are resilient and persevere and thrive against all odds, while others, despite every advantage, end up living in their parents’ basement at age thirty, unmarried and unemployed. Dweck proposes that our “mindset” greatly influences our attitude and our likelihood of success, especially in the face of adversity.

Individuals with a Fixed-Mind set believe that intelligence is innate. Each individual has a certain fixed amount of it. These individuals will take easy classes in school, so that they are assured success. They are invested in appearing smart to others. When facing failure, they are likely to give up or cheat. Mistakes must be avoided at all costs. The prospect of making a mistake fills these individuals with fear and anxiety.

On the other hand, individuals with a Growth-Mind set believe that intelligence is malleable. Hard work pays off. Persistence equals success. Individuals with this mind-set are likely to challenge themselves with interesting, but difficult, classes. Because they believe that hard work pays off, they are likely to be successful in these challenging classes. Mistakes are a chance to learn and grow. While no one likes to make mistakes, individuals with a growth mind-set look at mistakes as part of the learning process. Mistakes are not feared.

Unfortunately, these mindsets do not just affect the likelihood of success in academic settings. These ideas influence all aspects of life. Music. Does Frank do well in music because he is talented or because he works hard and practices? Sports. Is Sally good at volleyball because she is talented or because she is dedicated to her practice schedule? Marriage. Have John and Patty been married for 40 years because they are “lucky” and found the perfect partner, or do they work at their relationship?

So, the next logical question is: How does one develop a mindset? Is there anything we can do to influence the mindsets of children? To answer the second question first, YES! Our mindsets for the most part, develop as a result of how we are praised. Focusing on the end product when praising children, leads to a Fixed-Mind Set. Kids who grow up hearing this form of praise are likely to grow up believing that smart is something you have or you don’t. We are born with the amount of “smart” we have. Failure must mean I am “not smart.” Kids with these mind sets often give up when they encounter trouble, even if that challenge is, in the grand scheme of things, not very great. They associate success with smart, failure with not smart. If I am not smart enough to do this, why bother? Your child may have a total meltdown when asked to attempt something outside of their current knowledge-failure must be avoided at all costs. Sound like anyone you know?

A growth mind-set is developed by praising the process and not the product. Instead of telling Gregg that his picture is “the best thing I ever saw,” focus on the use of color. “Oh, I love the way you blended the yellow and red together to make that orange color.” Instead of telling your budding pianist, how talented they are, focus on the hours dedicated to practice. When your child gets an “A” on a project or exam, focus on how much they studied or how much time they put into the project.

I am not saying that it is easy to avoid using the “You’re so smart” form of praise. I was introduced to these concepts long before I had children of my own. Despite knowing better, I found those very words crossing my lips. When I said them, I would quickly add, “And you work hard too!” Making this relatively simple change can lead to the potential for future success.

Dr. Simmonds

03/21/2021

At all ages, divorce presents children with changes in the family structure and in daily routines. It is useful for parents to work together to co-parent in a cooperative manner and help the children develop new and consistent routines. It is also useful for parents to clearly explain to each child that the divorce is not the child’s fault in any way and that both parents continue to love the child and want to be supportive.

Parents who file for divorce often want to know more about how to recognize signs of distress in their children. While every child is different and may communicate their needs in a unique fashion, the following are signs and symptoms of distress that are more commonly observed.

Toddlers and preschool aged children may demonstrate distress by experiencing a regression or a loss of developmental gains. For example, a child who was toilet trained may start to experience frequent accidents or a child who was sleeping through the night may start to experience frequent awakenings. At this age, children may appear angry or fearful in situations that were previously comfortable. Children may also appear anxious or socially withdrawn.

Elementary school aged children may develop symptoms of depression or anxiety. They may appear sad, worried, or angry more frequently and demonstrate more disruptive behaviors. These feelings may be so strong that they start to interfere with daily responsibilities or academic performance. Children may experience somatic or physical complaints such as frequent stomach aches or headaches that do not appear to have a physical cause. Younger children may also experience a sleeper effect. This means that they may appear to adjust quickly to the divorce and changes in daily life, but may experience a distressing or disruptive reaction as they get older.

Adolescents, despite their greater level of maturity and increased strivings for independence, continue to need emotional support and guidance. Signs of distress in adolescents may include feelings of depression, anxiety, intrusive worries, and increased anger. They may also appear more withdrawn or experience somatic concerns with no clear medical etiology.

At all ages, it is useful for parents to practice talking with their children about feelings and strategies to manage these in an appropriate and effective manner. Parents can also be supportive by modeling these skills for their children. Finally, if you or your child are experiencing significant distress following a divorce or separation, it is useful to check in with a primary care physician or your family counselor or psychologist.

Maricela Mallory, PsyD

03/19/2021

How to Find Creative Ways to Connect to your Teen, Foster Communication and understand their World
With the world changing all of the time, it can be difficult for parents to find ways to stay connected with their teen. The fast advances in technology and social media may leave parents confused about their teen’s perceptions of the world, leaving parents feeling overwhelmed and out of touch. Your teen may also be spending more time by themselves. However, with some time, consistency, and patience parents can find ways to continue communicating and connecting with their teenager.
So, how do you start?

Quality Time
Start by setting aside time regularly to spend with your teen that they can learn to expect. Don’t expect your teen to open up to you immediately. With consistency, your teen may eventually feel comfortable enough to open up during these quality time experiences that they have learned to rely on.

Some Tips:
o Don’t take it personally if your teen rejects you at first. Continue to offer activities and quality time with your teen even if they say no. This could be as simple as watching a show together or bringing your teen to that restaurant they love going to.
o Your teen may seem to WANT to spend more time by themselves. This does not mean they don’t want to also spend time with you. Keep offering and be patient. Eventually your teen may start requesting or looking forward to more time with you.
o Make sure you put down your phone while spending time with them! Encourage your teen to do so as well. Let them know you value uninterrupted time with them.
o Quality time is not a time to criticize! The quickest way to ruin your time together is mentioning that homework that they haven’t finished or those chores they’ve been ignoring. Save that conversation for another time. Even if you disagree with something they’re saying, work hard to understand them more then deny or criticize their reality.

Communication
• Show an interest in their interests. Pay attention to what you hear them talking about to family or friends or what you see them watching or engaging in. Ask questions. The more you explore what your teen likes, the more they may connect with you and let you into their world.
• Eat dinner together. If your family has a shared dinner schedule, put down the phones, and you may find that dinnertime can be a great opportunity for communication and connection.
• Say kind things about them. Mention things they have done that you are proud of them for. Tell others about your teen’s accomplishments.
• Offer to help with something they’re struggling with. If your teenager has been slacking on their homework or chores, offer to help them out. This could include breaking down tasks that are contributing to their procrastination or simply helping them get started. Without criticism!
• Talk less, Listen More! Your teen will appreciate you asking them open-ended questions that provoke conversation about their own personal experiences.
• Validate and reflect their feelings. Find the emotion underneath their stories and state them. Saying “I’d feel frustrated about that too” or “that sounds really sad” can help your teen feel validated and understood.
• Manage your own stress, anger, or anxiety. Your teenager can sense the tension or notice your bad mood, so be sure to engage in self-care for yourself regularly or get support from friends, family, or a therapist.

Most importantly of all, don’t give up! Even if your relationship feels distant or you feel disconnected from your teenager, there is always hope. With these tips, some time, and a lot of patience you and your teen will continue to finds ways to connect and you will find that you begin to understand their world.

Haley Christensen, LCPC

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