The Counseling Canary

05/19/2026

Favorite line from therapy today: "If your child is on fire, a fire extinguisher is not a reward." So many of us were raised to believe that all tantrums are a choice and not a skills issue. What we've learned now is that there are clear differences between a tactic and dysregulation, but many of our adult brains are still oriented towards some regulation tools look like fun and therefore we're rewarding "bad behavior." Remember - a dysregulated meltdown isn't a choice, and regulation tools are not a reward even if they are fun.

05/15/2026

Your mind can know you're safe logically, but your unconscious mind, your nervous system, your heart need different evidence to FEEL that safety on an instinctive level. This is where a lot of people get stuck.

05/03/2026

Can you really review the power of play in therapy too many times? Undirected play without a clearly defined "goal" for ten minutes a day in adults has had significant positive impacts for all areas of mental health. Just go have fun, purely to have fun. Frolic in a field, bounce a balloon, blow some bubbles, wear the silly glasses, whatever it is be free.

04/27/2026

If you can't control your shut down, that's not your fault but it is your responsibility to learn and develop the skills to develop a different reaction. If you choose to respond to others this way - you are probably choosing for that relationship to weaken. Either way, it's up to you.

04/06/2026

It's easy for our regulation skills to be more precariously balanced than we realize. Diversify, it's more fun anyway!

04/03/2026

03/28/2026

A child’s behavior is often a reflection of how full (or empty) their emotional cup feels.
Connection, validation, and encouragement go a long way. 💛 🥤
Filling their cup doesn’t take big moments, just small, consistent ones.
The way we listen, validate, and connect becomes their inner voice.

03/11/2026

New shelf! Now the Sandtray materials have a home 🥰

03/03/2026

The more clearly kids can see that their actions created the outcome the less able they are to shift the blame and avoid realizing they can change what happens in the future.