22/04/2024
hey, it's me again!
for sometime, i wonder why is my "inner peace" cannot stay long.
in a very short time, I "feel" quite okay then there definitely something or someone will happen to me.
such as, last weekend, I went to the pagoda and felt "it's okay, thing will be just fine" then just the next day, my dad came and talked to me like "the family situation right now is very difficult, you should work and provide to the family as much as you can". I felt pressured tho, he's never said sth like that before.
I feel hopeless, I tried, because my work life is not as its best right now, it's unstable (if I have to said), I am pressure if they eliminate me because I cannot "find" a client. I am not sure how many time they will give me to "try". what if i am unemployed right now - this scary thing haunted me for so long, like I don't have plan B anymore, I have only this plan. and I hate it, I always have the plan B.
"what should I do in this life?" is the question I gave myself since I graduated (it's been 5-6 years already and I still ask, I don't know the answer), are others will wondering and uncertain like me, or only me like this, I hate y own-self for this uncertainty.
for 3-4 years of working, I don't have any saving, actually I had but I kept changing place and then unemployed, then travelled and spent all the money, so I don't have anything left :v
but look at that, at least, I had the money for the traveling, right? I don't exchange it with nothing right?
I am just, scared, when the moment my family had little to no money like this and I have nothing to provide to them, I'm scared, very much.
I feel hopeless at the moment and I even scared to share it with any one.
I know, I really need to gather all the thing together, try my best because this is the only one way I can go right now. But you know, you cannot say "stop overthinking" and it will suddenly "stop".
atleast, I still have the chance to try, you know, and I thankful for that.
thank you for everything I have received in my life.
thank you.
22.04.24 - HCMC