Ryan Bateman Clinical Psychologist

31/01/2025

05/02/2024

All defensive mechanisms were adaptive and helpful at some point, helping you to survive and cope in a difficult situation.

However, the difficulty comes in when you apply the same defensive mechanism to all situations moving forward in your life. What was once adaptive, becomes harmful later in life. Thus, it is important to question and gain insight into your defence mechanisms, adapting them to best meet the new challenges you face.

05/02/2024

Around 80% of you will relate to one category more than the others. Those who don’t will probably be either closer to the secure category and thus have more flexible responses to relationship stress, or will be closer to the disorganized category and have more unpredictable responses to relationship stress. Also, keep in mind that attachment theory is meant to be applied to relationships with the strongest attachment bonds. Yes, attachment styles will show up in other relationships outside of your closest ones, but it’s not the same intensity or context. If you try to apply the theory to anyone and everyone in your life, things can start to get murky. Most people will have a similar attachment style in all of their romantic relationships throughout life (without working on it), but some can vary. What causes the variation goes beyond the scope of this post, but it can happen.
As with all categorizations and labels, the goal is to help you use the label to have a better understanding of yourself and what you can work on, not to put you in a box. Use this information to grow. If you don’t relate to any of it, that’s okay too…work on what you see as a problem. It’s more important to know that you have an insecure attachment at all than it is to know what exact style you are.
All of this stuff is workable. If that weren’t the case I wouldn’t be here telling people what is wrong for no good reason. This post is meant to provide understanding, but this entire account has info on HOW to heal, as well as my upcoming book Secure Love which is available for pre-order everywhere.
Lastly, we have relationships with ourselves and our own emotions which can be secure or insecure, and we have relationships with our partners which can be secure or insecure. Both matter and they work together. Work on both….how you help yourself in times of need, how you help your partner in times of need, how you communicate with yourself, and how you communicate with your partner. 🪴

10/10/2023

It’s World Mental Health Day. A day to talk about mental health. To show everyone that mental health matters. And let people know that it’s okay to ask for help!!

19/09/2023

19/09/2023