Wellness and Relationships with Timothy Chabualasanza

16/09/2025

16/08/2025

Emotions aren't just in our minds they can get "stuck" in our bodies, causing tension, pain, or discomfort if not dealt with. This idea comes from fields like psychology and body-based therapies (think of books like "The Body Keeps the Score"), where stress or past hurts build up physically. It's not a strict medical fact but a helpful way to think about why we might feel aches in certain areas during tough times. Here's what each part represents:

Hips: Often hold onto unprocessed grief or buried feelings, like old sadness from losses or changes that weren't fully felt.
Shoulders: Carry the weight of responsibility and stress, such as feeling overwhelmed by daily duties or worries.
Lower Back: Linked to fears of instability or uncertainty, like worries about money, security, or the future.
Jaw: Stores repressed anger and unsaid words, which might show up as clenching or tightness when you're holding back what you really want to say.
Chest/Heartbreak: Holds heartbreak and unexpressed sadness, often feeling like a heavy or tight sensation around the heart area.
Neck: Connected to suppressed truth and inner conflict, such as struggling with decisions or not speaking your mind.
Stomach: Ties to anxiety and emotional trauma, which can cause butterflies, knots, or digestive issues during stress.
Hands: Related to control issues, like feeling the need to grip everything tightly or struggle with letting go.
Knees: Represent resistance to change and moving forward, perhaps showing as weakness or pain when life's pushing you in new directions.

The point is that our bodies and emotions are connected, and noticing these spots can be a gentle way to start addressing what's going on inside. If any of this sounds familiar, talking it out with someone supportive can help release it.

15/08/2025

Childhood trauma refers to harmful experiences during a person's early years that can affect their emotional, mental, and even physical well-being later in life. Trauma like this isn't always obvious, and many people carry it without realizing its impact until adulthood. These numbers can vary widely based on research, but general studies from places like the World Health Organization or CDC show that up to two-thirds of adults have faced at least one type of adverse childhood experience. Here's a simple breakdown of what each type means:

- Verbal Abuse (28%): This happens when a child is often spoken to in hurtful ways, like being constantly criticized, name-called, or yelled at by parents or caregivers. It can make someone feel worthless or unsafe expressing themselves as an adult.
- Sexual Abuse (37%): This involves any unwanted sexual contact, exposure, or behavior toward a child, often by someone they trust. It can lead to deep trust issues, shame, or difficulties in relationships later on.
- Physical Abuse (59%): This is when a child is hurt physically, such as being hit, kicked, or injured on purpose beyond normal discipline. It might leave lasting fears, anger, or even health problems.
- Witnessing Violence (87%): Even if not directly hurt, a child sees violent acts, like fights between parents or in the home. This can create ongoing anxiety or a sense of instability.
- Emotional Neglect (96%): This is when a child's basic emotional needs aren't met—no hugs, no listening, no encouragement. It's like being invisible, and it can make forming close bonds hard in adulthood.

24/07/2025

Gossip is a cancer that eats away at everything it expresses. It seeks to destroy both the gossiper and the person being gossiped about. It grows every time it passes from one to another, gaining momentum as it speeds along. Being involved with or perpetuating gossip will keep you trapped in the very place you aspire to break out of. Gossip has no place in your life. Its like yeast that permeates everything it comes into contact with. Its impact is felt everywhere. The gossiper inevitably loses their trustworthiness and integrity. If they gossip about other people in your presence, they will gossip about you in the presence of others. Stop gossip in its tracks. Change the focus of the conversation. Avoid being entertained by it. Do not feed it. Starve it to death. Remove its glory. Shine your light instead and you will energise everyone around you.

16/07/2025

Not every time you miss the mark does it leave a mark.
Sometimes the greatest damage comes from what never happened.

It wasn’t what I said—it’s what I didn’t say.
It wasn’t the step I took—it’s the one I never did.
Omission is just commission in silent clothes.

We focus so much on the sins we commit…
That we forget about the ones we permit.
I didn’t hurt anyone.
But I didn’t help them either.
I didn’t lie.
But I didn’t speak the truth.
I didn’t engage in the dark.
But I didn’t light a candle.

Sometimes disobedience sounds like silence.
Sometimes passivity is rebellion with a polite tone.
Sometimes not showing up is the problem.

James 4:17 says it plain:
“If anyone knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it—it’s sin.”

Not doing wrong doesn’t mean you’re doing right.
And standing still can still be moving in the wrong direction.

But here’s the grace:
God still calls you. Still sends you. Still uses you.
Not because of your past actions—or inactions.
But because of His.

So start today.

Do the thing.
Say the word.
Show up.

Don’t just omit the wrong—commit to the right.

23/06/2025

Parenting With a Focus on the Long-Term Goal

Parents are often tempted to wield their enormous physical, emotional, and intellectual power in order to coerce their children into doing what they want. This strategy may meet the immediate need for ease, but it can be counterproductive in the long term.

If you find yourself coercing your child into doing something, ask yourself two questions: “What do I want my child to do?” and “What do I want my child’s reasons for doing it to be?”

Often, parents want their children to be self-motivated, but they limit their opportunity for this when they force them to do things they don’t want to do. When children are motivated by guilt, fear, or shame, they begin to lose touch with themselves because they focus on your reactions, not on their needs.

When this happens, they create a paradigm that it is OK to do certain things as long as they aren’t caught. When they live in this paradigm, they are no longer connecting to their own needs to belong or to contribute to their family or community. They lose their connection to self.

Mary Mackenzie; Excerpts from Peaceful Living...