Longing

28/02/2017

For you Grace Lavin! With much love ❤️

"I am kind of a big freakin' deal."

28/02/2017

That's why I started Longing... so we can talk
openly

'Non-disclosure of fertility treatments perpetuates a false sense of security'

04/10/2016

Science just keeps taking us further, and creating the opportunities for healthy beautiful children.

A five-month-old boy is the first baby to be born using a new version of a controversial technique that uses DNA from three people

30/08/2016

I have sometimes wondered what my life would have been like if I had had a 'normal' or 'typical' journey to motherhood, if such a thing even exists.
This article made me realize that I am changed because of Infertility, but that may not be a bad thing at all.

I have been changed forever by those years of infertility, and I am a better parent because of it.

29/06/2016

A big hearted act of kindness .....

The parents-to-be are looking for someone they can relate to, that is why it is important that you have a refreshing, honest profile that reflects...

24/05/2016

If you, a friend or family member is affected by a medical condition that prevents you from having a successful pregnancy we would love to help!

We work with the best, result-driven Clinics in South Africa. If you would like to learn more please follow the link below:

http://www.ababysa.com/recipients/welcome/

24/05/2016

There's always been a small voice in my head that has wondered if, when doctors can't find a reason for infertility, they default to blaming Endometriosis as the cause. It seemed to easy too me. If this is your diagnosis, read the article...and give some thought to a second opinion.

Endometriosis — in which the cells of the endometrial lining grow outside of the uterus — is one of the most commonly-cited factors in infertility issues. But according to a new analysis, the actual endometriosis-related risk for infertility may be only half of what we thought. For the

16/05/2016

I'm often asked what other complimentary therapies I know that one should use while trying to conceive. I myself went for acupuncture... And it must have worked!
But recently, I've come to appreciate that probably the best thing you can do to help you conceive or cope with Fertilty treatment, is to sleep. The restorative nature of sleep does wonders for energy levels, and the ability to cope through extreme stress.
Rather look for ways to help yourself sleep, then only rushing from one alternative treatment to another.
Happy zzzzzzz's!

10/05/2016

If adoption is one of the options you have in front of you, but are not sure how you feel about it, read heartmamablog.co.za
especially the post by Karen Aspey on how she was adopted and chose to grow her family through adoption.
Real insight, thanks to her for sharing.

09/05/2016

Because most of the time I work with woman and infertility, I dont always have alot of insight into what it is like for men.
This beautifully written blog often has me in tears. Not so much for its insights into infertility but the depth of feeling and meaning of fatherhood.

Thank you for being my little girls hero, for saving her! Thank you for fighting for my little boy, teaching him what it means to be a warrior, before I could stand with him in battle.

06/05/2016

Deciding what to do when you get the news....you won't have children 'naturally'.
What do you do? Feel overwhelmed for starters!
Well, the good advice in this piece says 'Focus on the mouthful in front of you.'
Maybe that mouthful could just be talking to someone.
Longing was started for that reason...contact us if you want a safe and caring place to take that first mouthful.

Feeling overwhelmed? Too much to do? Too many options? There's just one thing you need to know right now. This quick read is for YOU.

12/01/2016

Anyone facing fertility issues has suddenly joined a whole sub-culture, and must become familiar with complex medical lingo in the hope of conceiving or adopting. This can become all consuming and as a result, relationships and even finances may take strain under the weight. I know, I have been there: the doctors were very efficient at treating my body, but didn’t often have time for my heart.
So, if you would like to sort through those feelings, wonder about the options you have and talk, I would love to sit with you and listen.
www.thelonging.co.za

Lisa Lavin is an infertility counsellor who will help you through her personal experience in dealing with infertility

07/12/2015

Ahhh, this is so sad. How can we have so many abandoned babies and so many couples who want children?
It seems we do. So, maybe the question needs to rather be - does legislation need to change so that we can bring these two together more easily?

Stereotypical pictures of illegal abortion practices are of doctors with bloodied aprons and carving knives, but modern “clinics” are usually run by criminals. Women are instructed to take drugs (orally or vaginally) and are sometimes told that the baby “will dissolve” or be “flushed away”. By ROBYN…

20/11/2015

OH YES! I can love a child! And reading this article made me realize that that really is the only question I need to ask myself.
When we considered an egg donor, I plagued myself with what felt like 100's of questions: Would genes matter? How would I tell my child? Is it ethical?
And now that my daughter is here, I can see and feel, that the most important question was: Can I love her?
Unequivocal YES. She has cracked open my heart.

Adoption takes a life out of a rubbish bin, off a sidewalk or away from the evils of abuse, and gives that life a hope and a future.

09/11/2015

Its a bitter sweet day - My husband and I disagree about adoption. And me being me, I want to understand the real reason, the deeper motivations, the underlying causes.
He feels like there's a greater risk. Risk?
Doesnt every parent, genetic or otherwise take a risk when having a child? There's no guarantee you will have a child without disability or dysfunction, that you won't raise an addict or a criminal. Some are raised by biological parents and some by adopted.
Surely the risk is the same? Sometimes even love, security and a good education doesn't mitigate risk.
Some of our hero's had ordinary genetic material, a harsh environment and no help.
You would not have put your money on them to succeed, to make an impact on the world and yet they did.
So what risk is the in adopting? That nature will be stronger than nurture? There's no evidence in my mind that one is more significant than the other.
Is there in yours?

29/10/2015

A very good friend of mine going for embryo transfer this week.
Wishing you all the best...holding you in my heart.

14/09/2015

In speaking with so many woman & families living with Infertility, this is such an apt quote. Stuck somewhere between wanting
something so badly your heart aches, and not allowing yourself to want it, just in case your heart breaks.

It is hard to stay encouraged, to keep your head above water. There are many times that you may want to give up hope. Here are some things that I found helped a little...

1. Even though you are in limbo: "What if I'm pregnant this time next year..." was something that I had going on in my head for a
long time. Eventually, I realised that I had put myself and our life decisions on hold. So I made a choice : Continue living life.
I tried to have fun and pushed myself to be involved in things that I enjoyed. I even used my scrapbooking/journalling hobby to express what I was feeling. It felt good to take control again and not feel quite so at the mercy of fate.

2. Surround yourself with Lotsa Love! There is so much information out there, but I chose to ignore the 'bad press'. Some may say thats naive, and I'm ok with that. It was a deliberate decision of mine, that for a time in my life, I would hear & read only GOOD NEWS stories. Your Infertility journey is yours…but if you can - find others on the same journey, share with the community, encourage others and get a sense that you are not alone.
Have a look at http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/, and you can decide how much or how little you want to contribute.

3. Read my post on self-compassion & try some of Dr.Kirstin Neff's meditation excercises. Be kind to yourself.

27/08/2015

Self Compassion...helping yourself through the process.


Having lived through the process of Fertility treatment, I think I did what most people would do: research, research, research!
"What will make this thing work?"
"What can I do to improve it`s success?"
From there began the rounds of acupuncture, excercise routine, organic foods, complimentary medicine , and so the list goes on.
Believing that all of those are extremely valuable, and give a sense of `trying all options`, I think the one thing I missed was, instead of berating myself constantly that I wasn`t doing enough, was to be being kinder to myself.
Since then, whilst doing some other work on leadership development & effectiveness, I have come across Dr Kristin Neff`s work on self compassion, which has made me think a little differently.
She puts it something like this: What if your best friend was going through IVF...how would you talk to her, comfort & encourage her?

When she cried, instead of saying `Pull yourself together!` (like I did in my head), you would more than likely show compassion, kindness & understanding.
So why don`t we do that for ourselves? Well, of course, its because we are the ones to blame after all, for the Infertility!
There`s something wrong with us...and now we have to fix it.
None of this may be applicable to your thought process, but it certainly was to mine.

"Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? " Dr Kristen Neff

If I was doing it all again, I would go easier on myself (and dearest hubby), and change what`s going on in my head and my heart, because I believe it affects what`s going on in my body.

Go and have a look http://self-compassion.org, and let me know what you think

All-in-one resource for self-compassion. Official website for Dr. Kristin Neff, pioneering self-compassion researcher, author, and teacher.