Arnon and Gila Social Workers in Private Practice

25/09/2025

Join us in celebration of Usapho Foundation's book launch. Our two ladies, Leticia Poggenpoel and Nicole Willemse is featured in the Women of WORTH Book.

This Saturday
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20/09/2025

17/09/2025

When Your Spouse is Not a Christian

You cry. You pray. You wonder how long you can hold on. Guilt and loneliness may seem your constant companions. You look at other Christian couples with envy. If you’re a follower of Jesus, daily life has special challenges when your spouse is not a Christian.

And whatever your spouse’s spiritual status, you also still have all the other “stuff” of married life to contend with; communication, intimacy, money, in-laws, children, etc. You may struggle with the same false beliefs about marriage, and need to be reminded of what is true about marriage.

You may be tempted to believe that other couples where both partners are Christians have it so much easier, or that if only your spouse would “become a Christian” everything would be OK. That’s might be true, but not necessarily. Some of the most heartbreaking stories I hear are from those whose Christian husband or wife abuses, betrays, or otherwise causes them extreme pain.

That said, some of your challenges may be unique. How do you deal with your spouse when they don’t share your faith? How do you balance what may feel like competing loyalties? Is it worth it to keep on praying?

Paul encouraged those whose husband or wife was not a believer to remain married if their spouse was willing (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). God may use you to draw your spouse to Himself (1 Corinthians 7:16).

But what practically can you do to both survive and “help” God bring your spouse into His kingdom? Here are 5 keys.

1. Don’t play junior Holy Spirit

God has not given you the job of “fixing” or “saving” your spouse. That’s HIS job! No human being has a right to play junior Holy Spirit in anyone else’s life – not even your spouse’s. (You DO have a job though. More on that in the coming steps.) God honors your spouse’s free will, and you need to do the same.
This means no nagging, no pridefully flaunting your spirituality, no belittling, no arrogance, no using Scripture as a weapon. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. If some behavior would push you away or make it less likely you would want to join your believing spouse as a Christian, be extremely cautious and prayerful before acting in that way. Using truth as a weapon or acting arrogantly righteous will not win your spouse’s heart to Jesus.

2. Be a walking advertisement for God’s Kingdom

If you were looking at or living with you, would you want what you had? If you were an unbeliever, would you want to join yourself in being a Christian? All of us are broken and in need of Jesus’ transforming grace. But to the degree you demonstrate that transformation in your daily words, actions, and in the way you love, you are either an appealing incentive or a stinking obstacle in your spouse’s journey to God’s kingdom (2 Corinthians 2:16).

You will not be perfect. When you mess up, apologize and ask for forgiveness. Let God continue to grow you. Keep investing deeply in your relationship with your spouse. Let God’s love keep teaching you how to love better. That may be the factor God uses to save your spouse.

3. Keep Feeding Yourself

Any marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. This is never more true than when your spouse is not a Christian. And to make it you must be very intentional about keeping your soul and spirit filled with nourishing food. It may be easier than ever to neglect this when your spouse does not share your faith.

Jesus regularly needed time alone with His Father while He was here on Earth, and you need the same. Find ways to stay connected to other believers even if you can’t attend church every service. Spend time reading or listening to inspirational media. Invest time in God’s word and in prayer. You’re responsible for keeping your own soul filled up regardless of what your spouse does or doesn’t do.

4. Watch for God’s Work in your Spouse’s Life

God loves your husband or wife more than you do. He IS working to draw them to Himself. He knows better than you do what their brokenness is, where they are vulnerable, what barriers they would have to overcome, and what it would take to win their heart.

You may, as a believer, get an inside view of how God deals with someone who is “hard to get.” Or you may not see any evidence that God is doing anything; don’t let that fool you. Sometimes God allows life to break a person in order to give His Holy Spirit an open door; your interference could possibly prolong that process. And He may use your love as a demonstration of His own love to them.

If your spouse shows an interest or asks questions, be yourself. Don’t pounce! Freely share your own journey, struggles, victories, fears, hopes, and faith. And if God uses someone else to speak into your spouse’s life, don’t be jealous; be grateful.

5. Continue Praying

Prayer works. How long does it take? Only God knows. And only He knows the specifics of the outcome. Don’t believe the lie that prayer doesn’t work just because you don’t see your spouse coming to Christ. The stories are too numerous to believe otherwise, and God’s word affirms it. Seek God’s insight and direction; you need this desperately.

So keep on praying – whether it’s 7 days or 70 years. Pray for yourself – for your own character growth, wisdom, courage, and perseverance. Pray for God to continually show you how to love well. Pray for your marriage – for the connection between you. Pray for your spouse – that the Holy Spirit never stop doing His work in their heart, regardless of what it takes.

Will your spouse become a Christian? I don’t know. Will your marriage be saved? I don’t know. But I do know that God can use you as one of His best tools to minister His love to your spouse as He draws them to Himself.

Your Turn:
If your spouse is not a believer, what special challenges are you facing?
What has given you courage, or helped you in this journey?

02/09/2025

"Spring into renewal 🌸💛! As the seasons change, spring symbolizes growth, hope, and new beginnings. Let's work together to nurture your mental health and bloom into a brighter you! 🌻 Book your session today and let's cultivate a fresh start! "

065 805 8315

15/08/2025

Ways to Find Hope from Impossible Marriages that Survived

If your marriage relationship is great, you already understand what I’m going to talk about here. But if your marriage is not great, what are you waiting for? You don’t have to accept being a victim. There’s great power in going first in your marriage.

Over 95% of people who write or talk to me about their marriage challenges focus on their spouse. “My husband doesn’t pay attention to me, and won’t talk to me.” “My wife won’t have s*x with me regardless of what I do.” When I meet with a couple for marriage coaching almost always the initial sessions are taken up with a litany of faults the other person has committed.

Hurting people also blame their spouse for their own less-than-perfect behavior. “I wouldn’t be threatening divorce (or have to go to p**n) if my wife would give me s*x like she’s supposed to.” “If my husband would just show me some affection and not hide things from me I wouldn’t be so angry all the time.” “My spouse never listens, so why would I talk to them?”

This does not excuse your spouse’s bad behavior. But you have no control over them. If you’d like your marriage to be better, I invite you to embrace the power of going first.

Getting Out of the Victim Mindset

There are victims in this world. Lots of them. You might be one if you were trafficked, chained up, or beaten. Abuse and betrayal are real – and horrific. Addiction or abandonment leave deep scars. And that happens in some marriages. None of that is meant to minimize the very real problems you are facing.

But the most powerful weapon of all against misery is right inside your own head. It’s what you believe about yourself. Stories abound of those in the most extreme circumstances – prisoners of war, people who experienced deep tragedy and loss, others – who demonstrated they could choose their attitude and behavior. Your spouse may be wrong, very wrong; that’s not something you can change. But you can change what you do.

If you’re reading this, you have choices.
* You may have been horribly hurt. Now you have the choice to heal.
* You may have had your trust broken and betrayed. Now you have the choice to forgive.
* You may have been manipulated and controlled. Now you have the choice to learn to say No.
* You may have been lied to and cheated on. Now you have the choice of who you will believe.

By blaming your spouse for your unhappiness you are giving them power over you. Do you really want to continue to do that? Regardless of how badly your spouse has wounded you, it’s your choice what you do next.

By taking 100% responsibility for what you can control – your own attitudes and behavior – your own wellbeing will soar. It may be a hard journey. But you can choose to take responsibility for becoming the person God created you to become.

You Go First

Waiting for your spouse to change will only lead to frustration and misery, and it continues to give your spouse power over you. Remember, you’re choosing to not be a victim any longer.

If you’re unhappy with the way things are between you, you make the first move. Continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results has been called the definition of insanity. So what can and will you do in going first?

Taking positive action removes you from the victim position and makes you the leader. You can’t guarantee how your spouse will respond, but you can decide what you will do.

Here are some ways in which you can go first:

• If the communication has broken down between you, you can look at your own communication style to see where you may have contributed. You can learn about Healthy Communication in Marriage.

• If your spouse is engaged in ongoing bad behavior, perhaps as an addict, you can learn about setting healthy boundaries.

• If you’re feeling empty, lonely, and dissatisfied in your marriage, you can take responsibility for getting filled up. Find healthy godly ways to get the emotional/spiritual nourishment you need. Your spouse was never intended to fill all your needs anyway.

• If there’s no emotional or physical intimacy between you, you make the choice to move closer. Work overtime to learn your spouse’s love language, and identify the barriers to intimacy in your relationship. Seek to learn the Why underlying your spouse’s reluctance. And you begin removing the bricks in the wall, and moving closer.

• If there’s little spiritual connection between you, you move in that direction. Spend time – a lot of time – on your knees. Invest deeply in your own relationship with God. Make your spiritual life an invitation to your spouse, not a barrier.

• If unkindness, contempt, and conflict characterizes every interaction with your spouse, you make the choice to respond differently, even when it means you will have to do the deep work in your own soul to even begin to do so.

• If your marriage is toxic, you be the one to look at the truth and make intentional decisions. (There are times when God releases you from a toxic marriage.) And regardless of whether you stay or go, you make the decision to grow and live well, difficult though it will be.

What Happens When You Go First

Part of what happens will be in your control, but not all of it. But there are a couple things that are guaranteed to happen when you go first.

First, you will grow. You will feel empowered and much less of a victim. Your own sense of wellbeing will dramatically increase, and you will have a sense of becoming more of who God created you to be.

And second, your marriage will change. If you become different, your marriage has to become different. As you go first, your spouse will sense an invitation to join you in a new marriage. They may or may not join you in that. But since you’re doing something different, you will get different results.

What is not guaranteed is how your spouse will respond. But if you’re unhappy with your current relationship, the only thing you’ve got to lose is your sense of victimhood.

And that would be a great thing to lose!

Your Turn:

1. Where have you been giving in to a victim mindset in your marriage?
2. Have you been waiting for your spouse to change?
3. Where are you going to go first in making a positive difference?

10/08/2025

Stop comparing your insides with other people's outsides.

05/08/2025

Mental health is health.

Ladies! let's make sure we care for all our health areas. Reach out today !💖

04/08/2025

04/08/2025

Parent fir Life. Affordable training for you as a parent.

04/08/2025

When you're choosing a life partner, think beyond the romance.
Think beyond the butterflies, the dates, the gifts, and the "I miss you" texts. Romance can be exciting, but it's only a fraction of what will carry a lifelong relationship. What truly matters is who they are at their core—when life gets real, when things aren’t perfect, when love isn't glamorous but requires patience, resilience, and sacrifice.

Ask yourself:
Who are they when they’re tired, angry, or under pressure?
How do they act when things don’t go their way?
Do they take accountability, or do they shift blame?
Can they grow with you, or will they grow resentful when things get hard?

Think about the breakfast conversations—the small, everyday interactions that build or break emotional intimacy.
Think about the quiet moments after a long day—do they offer peace, or do they bring more stress?
Think about the way they handle stress, finances, disappointment, and conflict—do they avoid it, explode, or seek resolution with empathy?

Love is not just about grand gestures. It's in the little things:
— The way they speak to you when no one is watching.
— The respect they show when they’re frustrated.
— The choices they make when you're not around.
— The support they offer when you’re falling apart inside.

Look deeper than chemistry—look at character.
Because chemistry can fade, but character remains. Character shapes trust. Character determines how safe you feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Their mindset will influence your peace—whether your home feels like a sanctuary or a battlefield.
Their decisions will affect your future—the dreams you build together or the damage you spend years trying to recover from.
Their patience—or lack of it—will echo through your home—affecting not just you, but your children, your stability, your mental health, and the emotional tone of your entire life.

Choose someone who values growth, not just comfort.
Someone who sees partnership as a responsibility, not a convenience.
Someone who communicates, not manipulates.
Someone who protects your peace, not threatens it.

Because who you choose to build a life with…
will shape the life you end up living.
So choose wisely. Love intentionally. And never settle for potential over peace.