02/12/2025
Thank you for the review and having us in stitches Derailed but Delightful 😂
We couldn't have said it better!!! We don't play we slay those demons and the bugs 🐛
The CHOKING BALLS elixir!! Aka Natural Elixir Health Tonic
So after surviving the green Woolies smoothies that tried to baptize me against my will, I believed that life couldn’t possibly offer me anything more dramatic...
But alas… the universe said, Hold my cayenne, check diè move!!!
The Elixir of Life, also known as Throat Punch a la Satan, depending on how deeply dramatic you are..
I took one shot.
ONE...
That Fuggen 25ml shotglass looked at me like a dominee with a pamphlet saying,
Come, come dear child… let’s cleanse you of your forefathers sins.!!
My first sip experience?
My esophagus immediately threw its t**s in a twist and handed in its resignation letter, I swear I heard it scream
NOPE! NOT TODAY, I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS SHID!!
The cayenne didn’t just burn…
It grabbed my tonguetjie like a jealous ex and screamed
“WIIIIES JOU PAPPPPPPA!?”
My eyes - Sweating...
My soul - Left the circus..
My ancestors - Peeking from behind the clouds like,
Yoh!!!! We warned her… maar sy luister mos nie!!!!
And then… the outer body experiences started.
1. I levitated, watching myself thinking haaibo, Shame, look at her trying to be healthy.
2. I met my guardian angel — bitch rolled her eyes so hard her wings fell skew.
3. Had a flashback to the time I lied about drinking enough water RIP hydration!!
4. Went to heaven briefly they said, No Jacqueline...wrong elevator, go face that pepper!
5. Tried negotiating with my intestines — they just presented the universe with a panic fart.
6. Made a solemn promise to jog and live right.
7. Broke that promise 0.4 seconds later because I remembered jogging is a human rights violation.
8. I Blacked out ...
9. Returned a battle hardened cayenne soldier.
Just when I thought death was scheduling a Zoom call with me…
And my chest was playing bongo drums against my rib cage and my tongue was halfway through writing I quit…
I realized…
It’s actually not THAT bad taste wise...
It basically just feels like your body is reading your browser history out loud.
Its been 3 weeks since ive started drinking this bad bitch twice per day..…
I’ve ascended.
My blood is sprinting.
My pores are harmonizing
My eyebrows are sweating out secrets from 2009.
And I feel like I can
Clean the house
Start a business
Fix my finances
Read my payslip without crying
AND run for president of the Republic of I Told You So
The magic?
It didn’t even upset my very dramatic colon who normally inflames itself over absolutely nothing...fuggen brat!
Id say this…
This is not a wellness shot...
This is not a juice shot..
This is not a gag, fart and protest shot..
This is trauma with health benefits.
Im rating this baby a 9/10
You will deffos
Hear in colour
Fight a cayenne demon
Meet your higher self
Cure bloating
Regain the will to live
The minus one?
Because the esophagus kick was unprovoked and personal - fugg you!
Drink responsibly.
Or don’t.
Either way, this bliksempie will teach you respect
and leave you feeling like you can reorganize your entire life before breakfast in 3 weeks flat!
Derailed but Delightful
