Robin Vanderplank Clinical Psychologist Traumatologist

05/02/2026

We have reached a point now where we all need to take time to honour, accept and love ourselves first 💝

23/01/2026

14/01/2026

Friends 💗

08/01/2026

S13/E4 (final) Child Parts: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

S13/E4 (final) Child Parts: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

What do you need to do to attend to your Parts? PAY ATTENTION.

When an emotion/feeling/symptom/behaviour arises in you – NOTICE IT – and then ask yourself: Which Exile is being protected here? Kindly ask the Protector to step aside so you can speak to the Exile, have a dialogue with it, in order to give it the attention, affection, comfort and reassurance it longs for.

Often, more than one Child Part will visit (Protectors and/or Exiles) at the same time and they may conflict with each other, causing ambivalence in the Adult, as each Part competes for your attention. When this happens, and it will, you would gently ask the interfering Parts to kindly step back for a bit, give you space, promising to see to them later, while you address the main Part needing the immediate attention.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is the name of the therapy that works with Child Parts. The goal for IFS work is to transform each Part so that it can be in its natural, healthy role ie it can be there for you when it is necessary and real but not to be constantly hijacking and commandeering your life. With IFS therapy, the Protectors learn to trust the adult You (Self) to lead, and all Parts learn to co-operate with each other. You (Self) will learn to have a relationship with the Protectors so they will willingly move aside to reveal the hurting Exiles so these can be attended to.

For more on Internal Family Systems look up the work of: Richard Schwartz, Ruth Culver, Bonnie Weiss, Janina Fisher.

Note: Child Parts may also be positive – eg Joy, Excitement, Exuberance, Happy, Playful, Calm, Satisfied, Laughing, Smiling and we embrace and enjoy all of them. This series has focused on the Child Parts that have become extreme in their protection of us, the ones that distress us and detrimentally affect our living as adults. These Child Parts are the ones that we may find harder to understand and manage, the ones that need to be carefully attended to. Ultimately we want all our Parts to be integrated into ourselves, none rejected or ignored – we are all of our Parts and when they live healthily within us, then that is good!

*** What you heal in yourself you heal in your family line ***

07/01/2026

S13/E3 Child Parts: THE EXILES

S13/E3 Child Parts: THE EXILES

The Exiles are called Exiles because they feel abandoned and ignored by their Person whose Protectors strive to keep them at bay. Yet the Exiles, which are the issues of the inner child, want to be seen and heard by their Person and they are always pushing to come out onto the surface. Healing begins when the Person realises that these Parts need to be allowed to surface and taken care of, and then integrated into the wholeness of the Person.

Examples of Exiles include: Shame, Guilt, Fear, Worthless, Grief, Abused, Dominated, Unprocessed Rage, Terror, Hopelessness, Stupid, Failure, Not Good Enough, Unworthy, Worthless, Undeserving, Defeated, Depleted, Insecurity, Lonely, Isolated, Invisible, Ignored, Not seen or heard, Insignificant, Loss, Self-Loathing, Doubt, Sad, Abandoned, Insignificant, Ignored, Rejected, Neglected, Taken for Granted, Insecure, Unlovable.

Our Child Parts are named with a capital letter because we can see them as little people that live inside us. There are NO bad Parts. All Parts exist in everyone and they all have their own healthy purpose. It’s when wounds/trauma cause them to take on extreme protective roles that makes them unhealthy. Therapy is to negotiate/heal these Parts so they can function healthily again.

When your Exiled Child Parts receive love, care and compassion from you and when your Protector Parts are given the reassurance that their protection is no longer required (as you are now a capable, resourceful adult (Self) who can look after yourself), all the Child Parts (emotions/feelings/symptoms/behaviours) are able to slowly diminish/dissipate/subside/reduce in intensity and frequency. The Protectors will be glad to surrender their onerous responsibility to you as capable adult. It will be of great comfort and relief to them having carried the burden for so long. And with the unblocking of the Protectors, the Exiles can be healed.

Tomorrow (final): What do you need to do?

06/01/2026

S13/E2 Child Parts: PROTECTOR PARTS

S13/E2 Child Parts: PROTECTOR PARTS

The Parts we carry inside us have specific roles, some are Protectors, others are Exiles. Protector Parts form our defensive system. They are our defensive behaviours that appear and interact in the world, they are seen by the world. They scan for danger and are designed to protect the Exiled Parts. Exiles are our wounded child parts who carry the pain and the negative beliefs that result from childhood situations. These will be discussed further in S13/E3.

The Protectors work hard to keep the Exiles hidden from the world.

Protector Parts are subdivided into 2 important roles: Managers and Firefighters.

• Managers are those parts of you that work hard to keep you okay, in control and looking good to everyone else. They show up in a variety of ways eg Inner Critic, Caretaker, Appearance, Controlling, Judging, Humour/Comic, Rebel, Bully, Liar, Cynic, Over-achieving, Overly-organised, Procrastinator, Driven, People Pleasing, Workaholic, Martyr, Cool, Always busy, Rushing, Manic, Impulsive, Intellectual, Always strong, Hypervigilance, Perfectionism, Know-all (hubris), Role player.

• Firefighters come out to protect you when the Managers are unable to ie when you get triggered by something or someone, the Managers cannot always hold you together and you become reactive. The Firefighters then frantically emerge to try to quickly deaden the pain and the discomfort of being out of control. There is usually a hierarchy of Firefighter options turned to and these could be: Eating, Alcohol, Drugs, Self-medication, Addictions of all kinds including behavioural addictions, OCD, Distracting activities, Swearing, Angry outbursts, Withdrawing, Dissociating, Numb, Self-harming, Sleeping, Depression, Anxiety, Panic, Apathy, Fatigue, Binge movie watching, Computer games, TV, Social media, Sweets/Chocolate, Screen time (cell phone, iPad, Computer), Su***de (which is the ultimate firefighter).

Tomorrow: The Exiles

05/01/2026

It's a new year and it feels appropriate to reshare Series 13: Child Parts.

How often are we triggered by something such that we immediately feel a hurt or pain or emotion arise that is uncomfortable and unpleasant? Noticing when this happens is important for our healing journey. Despite the discomfort being felt, we can be grateful for triggers as they show us where we still need healing, and often this can be in areas we thought we had already healed!

These uncomfortable feelings are our child parts that reside within us and triggers show us that these child parts are still needing recognition, love, comfort and acceptance - still needing the words of the Ho'oponopono prayer (I love you; I'm sorry; Please forgive me; Thank you).

Series 13: Child Parts with 4 episodes is being reshared now as we all need a reminder of understanding and caring for our child parts.

Common child parts are: Abandonment, Left Out, Self-loathing, Failure, Not Good Enough, Rejected, Neglected, Isolated, Fear, Lonely, Loss, Shame, Guilt and more.

Read Episode 1 beneath the image.

Series 13: Child Parts starts today. It has 4 episodes, one episode being shared per day this week.

S13/E1 Child Parts: INTRODUCTION

Your subconscious holds all of your life experiences, all of what happened to you, and you have been shaped by all of that, much you will not remember, but your body and subconscious will - these are deep, procedural memories. Your subconscious will also hold all those parts of you that feel unloved, unappreciated and uncared for.

These are your ‘Child Parts’ who arrived to protect you in childhood when you were vulnerable and powerless and when, being a child, your need for attachment sadly had to override your need for authenticity. You actually subconsciously created these Parts, as coping mechanisms in childhood, which then formed your adapted self. These adaptations kept you alive (primitive brain survival instinct) and worked well for you when you were small and helpless. The problem that arises is that the wounds/bruises/scars/traumas that caused the Child Parts to come into existence have no sense of time; they continue to feel the need to protect you in adulthood but now they become maladaptive coping mechanisms, not now suitable for an adult. These Parts get automatically triggered to show up in our lives in many ways, mostly unconsciously until they are eventually recognised (awareness) and acknowledged by YOU. This is when you come to realise your fragility, your vulnerability, your dysfunction, firstly by noticing the Parts when they arrive and then thanking them for their continuous and rigorous protection of you over all the years and then giving them the love, compassion and care that they crave (given now by your Adult Self).

Until this happens, your Child Parts will continue to show up, begging for your attention and affection and, feeling like orphans, they want to be reunited with you (integrated into You), to be accepted and loved, and to be allowed to give you your wholeness (the word ‘health’ derives from Old English and means ‘whole, complete in itself’).

Tomorrow S13/E2 Protector Parts