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Leaders-in-Progress, Durban (2025)

05/03/2018

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo 5 March 2018: This week’s focus:

“Win-win”: cliché or mutually beneficial?

It’s funny how many of us resist the notion of win-win; in fact, we resist most things that come up on a regular basis to the extent that they start sounding like a fad or become clichéd, irrespective of their actual merits. This seems to be especially so with something like win-win – I guess it doesn’t sound, well, tough enough for us. It sounds like that soft stuff – but that’s probably a topic for another day.

The thing we tend to forget with win-win is that it’s an imperative, a strategic imperative if you like, whenever we have an ongoing relationship with the other person – and most times we do. Most of the time, our approach is win-lose or lose-win even if this is no longer a conscious thing.

The trouble is twofold: most of the time we are dealing with people with whom we have an ongoing relationship, and win-lose and lose-win inevitably turns into lose-lose at some stage and, accordingly, impacts negatively on that relationship, and the context of the relationship! And, really, where does lose-lose get us?

Wouldn’t we prefer to have something that is mutually beneficial?

01/03/2018

Weekly Wisdom 1 March 2018...“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds. It is something one creates.” – Thomas Szasz

26/02/2018

Monday Memo 26 February 2018:

This week’s focus:
We get what we focus on!

Firearm regulations in the US are again in the headlines following another fatal shooting incident in a school. Of course, here in South Africa, perhaps the most notorious case was that of Oscar Pistorius.

These incidents remind me of something that arises regularly in my practice as a coach – we tend to get what we focus on! In Oscar’s case, unfortunately, if you focus so much on guns and security, then you are likely to use a gun at some time. If we focus on eating, too much or too little, there will be consequences. If we focus on doing things perfectly and are hard on ourselves when we fall short of perfection, then there will be consequences. If we focus entirely on our work, we are likely to become workaholics. We need to take ownership of the things we focus on, especially the things we are obsessed with.

In all these examples, it seems to me to be a case of “if we don’t manage what we are focusing on, sooner or later the thing we focus on will manage us.” Habits like these grow into obsessions.

Maybe it’s a good opportunity for us all to ask ourselves what are becoming habits and obsessions in our lives? What will
happen if we focus or obsess on these things over a period?

Monday morning perspective: “It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” ― Benjamin Franklin

22/02/2018

Lauron Buys' Weekly Wisdom...22 February 2018: "If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." - Emile Zola

19/02/2018

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 19 February 2018:

This week’s focus:
How much of what others say do we chuck?

It always strikes me as one of life’s great ironies that we are socialized to hold strong opinions to the extent that we bust a gut to make ourselves right and others wrong.

As a former attorney, some of my friends will be saying that this is rich coming from me, but we seem to spend an inordinate amount of time and effort trying to get our point made whilst our adversary (friend, colleague, lover) is trying as desperately to make theirs – and both sides walk out feeling unheard, and even not valued.

And even when we do purport to listen, just how much do we accept and how much do we dismiss or chuck? The people I work with say they chuck a whole lot more than they accept. Interesting that, isn’t it. I mean do others speak a whole lot more trash than we (think we) do? And wouldn’t we like others to filter in what we are saying, rather than filtering it out like we do?

Well, I guess the only way we can help them to do that is to be really interested – no, curious – about what they are saying, what they feel about what they are saying, the potential of what they are saying and, in fact, the potential that they hold as people. In fact, we should listen like a sponge!

Maybe if we did that we would get a whole lot more out of what others say – and some may even return the compliment!

Monday Morning Perspective: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey

08/02/2018

Lauron Buys' Weekly Wisdom...8 February 2018: "Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." - Rumi

14/12/2017

Weekly Wisdom 14 December 2017...
All of you are perfect just as you are…and there is still room for improvement - Shunryu Suzuki

11/12/2017

Monday Memo: Season's Greetings 11 December 2017:

Wishing you and your loved ones a joyous festive season, may it be a welcome time to rest and recharge.

Please note that our offices will close on 22nd December 2017 and reopen on 8th January 2018.

Looking forward to a partnering with you in 2018!Monday Memo: Season's Greetings 11 December 2017:

Wishing you and your loved ones a joyous festive season, may it be a welcome time to rest and recharge.

Please note that our offices will close on 22nd December 2017 and reopen on 8th January 2018.

Looking forward to a partnering with you in 2018!

07/12/2017

Lauron Buys' Weekly Wisdom... 07 December 2017:

"Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion."
- Martha Graham

04/12/2017

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 04 December 2017:

This week’s focus:
The Weakest Link: Time to stop making things worse!

The chances are that you, right now, are able to identify one person in your team who is somehow protected – despite the fact that they don’t perform or are a divisive influence in the team. It’s endemic. But what are you going to do about it?

I remember reading an article in a corporate newsletter as far back as 2001 that more CEO’s get fired for not dealing with their non-performing team members than for any other reason. Similarly, Jim Collins in his great book ”From Good to Great” clearly states that a leader’s first essential task is to ensure that he has the right people in the right seats on the bus. Most of the people that I come across in business have read this – and yet so many of them admit to having the wrong person in the wrong seat, the right person in the wrong seat, or plain old the wrong person on the bus. There’s always a reason why we shouldn’t deal with it, isn’t there!

The late Peter Drucker, that wise sage of the business world, couldn’t have put it more clearly:

“It is the duty of the executive to remove ruthlessly anyone – and especially any manager – who consistently fails to perform with high distinction. To let such a man stay on corrupts others. It is grossly unfair to the organisation.

It is grossly unfair to his subordinates who are deprived by their superior’s inadequacy of opportunities for achievement and recognition. Above all, it is senseless cruelty to the man himself. He knows he is inadequate whether he admits it to himself or not.”

Thomas E Ricks, in an article in the October 2012 Harvard Business Review entitled Whatever happened to accountability?” in making a similar point, looks at how this factor impedes the leader’s ability to execute his or her high-level strategic plan with their present leadership, how self-interest creeps in and that the ensuing lingering cost of mediocrity can be crippling.

But we know these things, don’t we! We know what has to happen. Yet we continue to protect these people at the expense of the team, the division and the organisation. That’s not an exaggeration. If people at the top can get away with things, others lower down are able to as well. I bet my whole mailing list has seen evidence of this at one time or another, if not right now.

For me the most important reason is that we fail to distinguish between the “what” and the “how” of the conversation to be held with the errant team member, especially since the person is often a friend at some level. In doing so, that is by merging the “what” and the “how”, it somehow becomes too complicated or difficult so we put it off until the time is more appropriate, which it never is.

Simply put, if the “what” is right in principle (the person either is or is not performing etc), the decision needs to be made on that principle. The rest is about the “how” – how one can humanely deal with the person that is in the best interests of the team, the organisation, and that person.

So it’s not so much a case of “you are the weakest link – goodbye” but a case of being firm and absolutely fair.

Monday Morning Perspective: “When leaders don’t fire underperforming executives, they send a bad message to the whole organisation.”
-Thomas E Ricks

30/11/2017

Weekly Wisdom 30 November 2017:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared with what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

27/11/2017

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 27 November 2017:

This week’s focus:
Watch for the Comrades Syndrome – Don’t fall down now!

It’s that time of the year again. No, relax, the next Comrades Ultra-Marathon is only due to be run around mid-2017. Yet, every year at this time, I notice real signs of what I call the Comrades Syndrome.

Each year, several of the runners run approximately 90 kilometres, enter the stadium, run around the field and, then, just when they enter the final straight, they look up and see the finish line…and fall over! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a massive feat (excuse the pun!) to run that far, and I have massive respect for them. And, of course, thousands pass the finishing line without falling.

Here’s the thing though. Each year around this time, I notice higher stress levels as people have, like the runners, slogged their hearts out for eleven months and are trying desperately to get those outstanding tasks done before the holiday break. They are tired. People around them, like them, are exhausted, and are also trying to get those projects or tasks completed. Patience runs shorter. Irritability rises close to the surface. And then, seemingly all of a sudden, with the end in sight, people start falling down – arguments that would never have happened in the other eleven months, happen now; people just give up on completing their projects and tasks etc. etc. and so forth…

So, this is the time for us all to be more like the runners that complete the Comrades. We need to keep focused on completing our goal – for it is the lapse in focus that makes us fall down! Slow down, if you need to, but complete your individual race. Be mindful of the other runners in the race too – they are exactly where you are and need the same things as you do right now.

So, don’t fall down – just take the next step!

Monday Morning Perspective: “Don’t get sidetracked by people who are not on track.”
-Unknown

23/11/2017

Weekly Wisdom 23 November 2017:
Perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense.
-Marcus Aurelius

20/11/2017

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 20 November 2017:

This week’s focus:
“Yes, but…”

Most of us would be surprised – no, probably shocked – if we knew how many times we use the qualifiers “but”, “no” and “however” in a single conversation, never mind in all our conversations in a single day.

Worse is its impact on these conversations – we are secretly making ourselves right and everyone else wrong. It’s often an opportunity our ego just can’t give up.

It strikes me that we probably don’t mean to be this emotionally unintelligent!

Turning theory into practice: Here are two ways you can try to change this habit:
1. For this week, try to catch yourself using these qualifiers, and replacing “but” with “and” – then try to reflect on the difference it makes to these conversations compared to the ones you had last week!
2. A well-known international executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith, fines some of his clients $20 every time they say “but” or one of its similes in a session. Apart from making sizable donations to charities, it is a fun (and expensive) way to find out just how much one uses these words. So why not ask a colleague and/or your spouse to help you catch yourself saying these words and undertake to donate a specified amount per usage to a charity of your choice.

Monday Morning Perspective: “Stop trying to defend your position and start monitoring how many times you begin remarks with ‘no’, ‘but’ or ‘however’. Pay extra-close attention to those moments when you use these words in sentences whose ostensible purpose is agreement with what the other person is saying.”
- Marshall Goldsmith

16/11/2017

Weekly Wisdom 16 November 2017:
"We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives."
-Maya Angelou

13/11/2017

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 13 November 2017:

This week’s focus:
Choice…potentially our most powerful muscle!

Around this time three years ago, I had the privilege of attending a conference addressed by world-renowned cognitive neuroscientist, Dr Caroline Leaf. One of her staggering statistics is this one: “Research shows that 75 to 98 percent of mental, physical, and behavioural illness comes from one’s thought life.” So, as she points out, we can only blame the environment and genes for 2 to 25 percent of our mental and physical illnesses.

What this means to me, however, is that we need to take more responsibility for all our thoughts. More specifically, we need to take responsibility for the way we react to things because each time we do react, in Caroline’s words, “our brains become shaped by the process in either a positive, good-quality-of-life direction or a negative, toxic, poor-quality-of-life direction.” In this process, our brain actually changes its shape, whichever direction we have taken. Accordingly, our thought life becomes physically wired in the direction we generally take. Even our DNA actually changes according to our thoughts.

The power of positive thinking, then, is not only real, but it is literally more powerful than we think. This power comes from our ability to choose which way we wish to think and respond.

It makes sense to choose powerfully! And positively!

Monday Morning Perspective: “With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer

09/11/2017

Weekly Wisdom 09 November 2017:
"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures."
- Lao Tzu

06/11/2017

Lauron Buys' Monday Memo... 06 November 2017:
This week’s focus:

So, where does self-confidence come from?

Over the years, I have noticed several things about confidence, in myself and also in my clients. Perhaps the most significant is the extent to which so many people seek affirmation externally, from others, and the impact that this has on them.

I have learnt that two things seem to happen when we seek affirmation from others. The first is that, the more we look for others to affirm us, the less accepting or believing we are of that affirmation and, consequently, the more we seek external affirmation. And so this reinforcing circuitous behaviour continues. The second thing is that the more we seek external affirmation the less confident we become in our own ability.

I am no psychologist, as you know, but the reason seems to be self-evident: self-confidence, by definition (I guess), needs to come from self. To look to get it from others seems to me to be a contradiction in terms.

A second consequence is, I believe, equally true: from a neuroplasticity perspective (see my earlier memos), each time I seek external affirmation the more I am exercising that “muscle” in my brain and the stronger my “lack of self-confidence muscle” therefore actually becomes. I say “actually” because that’s what neuroplasticity means, at least in lay terms: the thoughts we have, what we pay attention to, actually physically changes a part of our brain and, so, in that sense we are building that muscle. So, each time we seek external affirmation, we strengthen the lack of confidence muscle, if you like, and (it’s a double whammy!) weaken our confidence muscle!

But it’s not all bad news, because the converse is equally true. Each time we seek affirmation from ourselves, the stronger that “muscle” becomes and the weaker our “lack of self-confidence muscle” becomes!

So, this week, stop trying to get your confidence from others. Look inside yourself. Start with small things if you need to – things you KNOW you can do, and tell yourself so. Focus on what you can do, not on what you think you can’t.

Monday Morning Perspective: “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” - Thomas Carlyle
“If you think you can do something or think you can't, you're right.” - Henry Ford

Leaders-in-Progress

05/03/2018

01/03/2018

26/02/2018

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08/02/2018

14/12/2017

11/12/2017

07/12/2017

04/12/2017

30/11/2017

27/11/2017

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