20/03/2024
TRUTH SHARING
One school term has ended and another has begun. Report cards have been written. Report cards have been read. There have been moments of joy and celebrations. There have been moments of sadness and reprimanding.
Whilst it is important to celebrate the achievements, let us not lose sight of what true achievement truly is….
It’s not all about the As on a report card…
It’s not all about making the A side of a sport’s team….
It’s not all about the A of Achieving the highest, the best, the greatest….
It’s not about the As for the Academic Accolades presented in Assemblies….
All of those As can lead to other types of As…
Anxiety struggles….
Attitude problems….
Aggressive feelings….
Let it not be about a symbol or a team, but rather about;
Character…
Work ethic..
Perseverance…
Simply being a good, decent person…
Today in therapy I was confronted by a very disappointed, verging on angry, parent. How, after all of the input given, money spent on extra lessons and therapies, could his child have received such a bad report!?!
My eyes locked on his child, the sadness that I saw, became my sadness, the pain intense. I took a deep breath, held the child in my embrace and asked the dad to “take a seat” - it was time for some TRUTH SHARING….
As I held the child in my embrace, I addressed them both but looked J in the eyes, trying to share the weight of his pain.
“ You J, are a hard worker. You never complain. You try your best. Always. You come to therapy straight from school. Your school day is long and hard. As much as you enjoy school, school is tough, it’s a struggle, not through any fault of your own. You work hard, you never give up, you try to do your best, over and over and over again. You not only battle to read the print on pages and the work on the blackboard but you struggle to put your amazing, clever, creative and often brilliant thoughts onto paper.
You battle with teasing. You find it hard to understand how your friends can sometimes cause you such heartache. You battle to understand how your teachers sometimes say that you must try harder. Try harder? … Do they know how hard you ARE trying?! You hate the red marks all over your pages. Those red pen marks hurt, don’t they J?
But you never give up J, you keep on trying. You never stop. You keep on smiling.
But today, right now, I feel your sadness.
I hope dad feels it too….
From my therapy room you go to judo then you go to kumon and then you go home to do your homework. Often more homework than the other children get, because you never managed to finish all the work in class. And still. You don’t moan. You keep on. You persevere.
I wonder if dad knows all of this about you?
I wonder if he knows how hard it is for you to just get through the day?
I wonder if he knows how hard you try?
I wonder if he knows what a good friend you are?
I wonder if he knows enough about your learning difficulties?
I wonder if he knows enough about your DYSLEXIA?”
J looked at me, looked at his dad and took a deep breath….
“I think I need to educate him”, he said with a tired smile…
I ´handed’ J over to his dad, encouraging an embrace. I could see in dad that he had had an epiphany.
An ‘ Ah hah’ moment.
I looked at them both.
I embraced the silence.
I let it linger.
Silent moments can be a wonderful healer.
“It’s really not about the As on a report card…
In fact, it’s often not about report cards at all…Your precious J is so much more than a symbol on a
report card.”
J smiled – I hope he learnt a valuable lesson today ….
I hope his dad did…
I know that I did…
When a teaching/truth moment presents itself…
TEACH….
With much heartfelt, Therapist love,
Gill
