07/11/2023
I had food poisoning over the weekend. It was awful. I haven’t been in that much pain in a very long time.
Initially my body was tightening up and holding on to try stop the pain or at least contain it. I was holding my breath in agony through each wave, begging it to stop. I was in so much pain I wanted to ask my husband to take me to the hospital so they could give me ALL the meds to take this pain away, but my three girls were fast asleep in their beds. It was honestly too much of a mission to get them all up and take them with us. My 9 month old breastfed baby would have been impossible. She would be awake and grumpy and needing me to hold her and feed her at the hospital, whereas at home she was peacefully asleep and my husband could lie next to her and bring her to me when she woke up in a few hours for a feed.
I decided to stick it out at home as long as I could. I gave myself arbitrary time limits: ‘If I’m still in this much pain in 20 minutes, we’ll go.’ That time period would pass and I was still in pain, but I’d managed it and I was no worse off. So I gave myself another 20 minutes, and then another, and another…
At some point I remember thinking ‘What happens if I just let go?’ So I did. I surrendered to the pain. I let my body get on with doing what it needed to do. My insides didn’t fall outside or come undone when I let go. The pain didn’t go away, but it didn’t get worse either. Then I realised I was practising calm breathing to give me something to focus on and control. It didn’t help the pain but I started to feel better. I’m not sure why, but I started to move and sway my hips through the worst of the cramps and then come down to rest in child’s pose with deep abdominal breaths when the intensity of the cramps momentarily lessened. This didn’t necessarily help the pain either but it made me feel better in myself; like I was doing something to soothe myself.
Eventually the pain and cramps stopped. I felt tender all over but climbed into bed to feed my sleepy baby back to sleep. I fell asleep sandwhiched between my baby and my husband.
Thinking back on it now, I managed that pain just like I managed my labours (which were extremely intense but never painful). I relaxed my body to let it get it’s work done and used movement and my breath to bring comfort and focus. I was in a labour land of sorts where time eventually didn’t matter, but the sensations of my body became all consuming. I just had to ride the waves until the work was done.
It made me realise how strong we can be. How determined we can be if we want to. How our bodies know what they need and can work best when we stop getting in the way and listen to what it needs. How the skills we learn in childbirth can keep serving us in surprising ways through the rest of our lives.
It was a profound learning experience for me and I wanted to remind you:
You are capable
You are strong
You can do hard things
Surrender to your body’s wisdom, don’t fight it, it only wants to look after you; if you listen closely it will tell you when you are capable and when you need help.
I wish you will remember these lessons not only in childbirth but also in life.
