31/08/2025
I promised you the good, the bad, and the ugly- the unfiltered truth. And I’m learning that even in the ugly-cry, there’s a strange kind of beauty, because it’s honest and human.
It’s been a week. The meds have hit hard. Trauma tugs at old scars…
I keep reminding myself these first weeks will settle, but let’s just say that stopping at the end of a pool length during a gym swim training session this week to have a quick sob before carrying on, is not what I want to maintain indefinitely. (Thank goodness no one else was anywhere near the pool!)
Last night, the emotional overwhelm was real… AGAIN…
My little girl walked into my room. I quickly tried to wipe the tears away.
“Are you crying, Mommy?”
“No, love.” I whispered, trying to keep my heavy heart from her.
“Yes, you are.”
I went over to where she was standing. “We all have sad days, my love. Just like you do sometimes, so does Mommy.”
She wrapped her small arms tightly around me. “It’s OK mommy. Cry. Let it out. We’re allowed to cry. Everybody is allowed to cry.”
And I did. I couldn’t hold it in. Full body sobs. She held me, whispering, “You can cry with me Mom. And I know when I need to, I can cry with you. Let it all out Mommy.”
When the sobs had quieted, she offered to fetch me a tissue. She told me that any time I needed to cry, even if she was at school, I could pop to her classroom (pretending to bring her lunchbox) and cry with her. My precious child…
And then- just like that – she asked if she could watch an episode of Free Rein, her favourite series, (I now realise that’s what she’d come in for in the first place!) and off she skipped.
Later, on the way to bed, she walked beside me down the passage.
“Mom, it wasn’t right to tell me you weren’t crying. Don’t hide your tears from me. Crying is normal and crying is important.”
I was stunned. My tears hadn’t weighed her down. She’d tuned-in, and I’d let her in – trusting her resilience and allowing her to be there for me.
Still amazed at her intensely caring yet completely ‘unphased’ response, here’s what I reflected on this morning:
From the youngest age, this deeply-feeling child has had BIG emotions tumbling out. I’ve held her through them – co-regulating, staying with her until her nervous system settled. I knew it mattered. I didn’t realize it was also teaching her how to hold the space for others with steadiness and compassion.
When we hold our children through their big feelings, they learn to hold their own – and then to hold space for the people they love. Many adults who struggle to process emotions never had someone who could sit with them in the overwhelm. It touches everything – partnerships, friendships, and the parent-child bond.
My little girl isn’t carrying my pain. She simply knows that pain – and the ugly cry – are part of the beautiful, complicated, messy human experience. She can hold it for as long as it needs holding, and then happily flit back to her favourite series, reminding this mom just how normal crying is- for all ages.
But it got me thinking how important it is for us to be creating homes where feelings are welcome. Not suppressed, ignored, minimized, or punished. Suppression breeds depression. There’s no way around that.
In case you need her wise words too, my little girl is right: “Cry, Mom. Everyone can cry. Let it all out.”
This is how we raise emotionally healthy adults – and goodness, the world needs more of those.
Maybe this is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children - normalize ALL of it – the joy, the ache, the messy, the ecstatic, the ugly cry – so they can grow into the full, rich, deeply real experience of being human.
With love and real,
Naomi ❤️
