The Silent Muslimah

24/07/2022

بسم ال الرحمن الرحيم
Who would you have been?
The covert passive yet aggressive behaviors of others got me thinking….

Who would you have been?

There was once a time when I marveled at the thought of being amidst the companions of
our beloved prophet Muhammed سـلم و عـلیھ الله صـلى .I imagined how great it would have been,
being there in their time and knowing that I would be part of the struggle. I thought of
what it would be like being in their midst, of being able to witness their strength,
charisma , their "hayba"” and all the good qualities we admire and strive towards. However, I came across information suggesting that we should not wish to be of a time other than the time we are in…….For we do not know who we would have been?! Subhanallah.

This is indeed a reminder that the thoughts of grandeur of who we are, who we think
others are and the pride associated with it is a grave danger to us. It is a reminder to
humble ourselves and to constantly analyze our behaviors, our responses to those around
us and to our environments.
It is a bit arrogant for us to assume that we would be of those that stood tough in the times of struggle….presuming our faith to be on the same level of their faith. The more I thought
about it the question popped up in my mind, who would I have been?. I realized there are
similarities between the stories of the prophets ( peace and blessings be upon them ) and
situations today. I had to share some of my thoughts as a reminder to myself and my
acquaintances hoping that it will help to purify our intentions and our hearts. We need
reminders to humble us, to sit grounded and not lose ourselves in the smog of arrogance
for it can be blinding.

Who would you have been?
If Nabi Nuh alaihi salaam called you to ALLAH but you judged him because you could not
imagine the catastrophe he described,
Or you judge him because “we are a reflection of our parents” and since his children did not
follow him, that defines who he is and hence not worthy of calling you or your children to
the path?!. We hear this today. People judge you by your closest family. And we know many stories about those closest to the pious predecessors. "You do not guide whom you love but ALLAH guides whom He wills" Quran Qasas 56 If Nabi Musa alaihi salaam came to you, would you be of those who ridicule someone with a speech impediment since it is all about eloquence and appearances these days?!
If Sayyidna Bilal, the companion of the prophet سـلم و عـلیھ الله صـلى came to you, is he too black
to be a companion?!
The prophet Muhammed سـلم و عـلیھ الله صـلى was ordered to marry the wife of his adopted son, which the prophet ســــلم و عــــلیھ الله صــــلى tried to avoid, the point was to regulate the issues of adoption and that an adopted son should not carry your family name nor does laws of close
kinship apply.
His wife Aisha may ALLAH be pleased with her was accused of zina/ adultery, and
exonerated in the Quran,
Yet in these times, when you so freely dig into other peoples honour, when you create
scandal or drama around any information you get, sitting and judging everyone's efforts
instead of praising their effort and making a dua for ALLAH to reward the effort, as if
ALLAH has appointed you and anointed you to watch and scrutinize peoples doings…
Who were you going to be when they, the pious predecessors were faced with the calamities
of their times…would you have been of those that rejoiced at the tests of others?
We can take every story of every prophet ( peace and blessings upon them), we can take the stories of the Sahaba ( may ALLAH be pleased with them) as well and compare it to
what is happening today, we can compare their enemies to the actions of some of us today.
Remember, they were a diverse group, diverse backgrounds, varied statuses, different
appearances…
They were this way as an example that ALLAH تـــعالـــى و ســـبحانـــھ looks at what is in our hearts and nothing related to our looks, backgrounds nor status is going to benefit us on the day of Qiyamah except that pure heart. Let us work to keep our hearts pure and uplift each other. What we do, how we do it, say and utter is a reflection of what is in that heart.
If you are truly a believer then the believers are your brothers and you are a support and
aid to them. You do not break them down and humiliate them.

Our pious predecessors were normal human beings going about with their daily lives just as we are today. Do not forget that within societal circles each of us play a role, just as they did. And amongst them were believers like them, disbelievers and hypocrites. The believer is merciful to believers, have
you been merciful to the believers around you in your time?

I have promised myself to address every smug comment, every racist bickering and any
injustice as soon as I hear it, it is a necessity. Not with the intention to cause a fight or
uproar but to rectify a wrong before it escalates because we are brothers and mirrors to
each other. If we remain silent and allow it, change may never come about. The *hadith
says, He who believes in Allah and the last day, say good or remain silent. This was so that
you build people up not break them down. To evaluate what you say and how it will affect
them. However, when they do something wrong in-front of you or say something wrong, be
courageous and do as Nabi Muhammad ســلم و عــلیھ الله صــلى did, address it immediately. May
ALLAH give us all the strength to call people out on their passive yet destructive remarks.
May ALLAH ســبحانــھ give us the strength to overlook if we hear what is being said behind our backs and the ability to forgive.

THE PROPHETS WERE SHEPHERDS AND BY THE GRACE OF ALLAH, DESTROYERS OF INJUSTICE AND KINGS. OUR WEALTH, PERCEIVED STATUS, VILIFICATION, HUMILIATION OF OTHERS WILL
NEVER MAKE YOU MORE SUPERIOR, A PROMISE BY THE ONE BY WHOSE GRACE EVERYTHING EXISTS AND BY WHOSE POWER EVERYTHING CEASES TO BE.

May ALLAH تـعالـى و سـبحانـھ grant us pure hearts and the companionship of the purest of hearts and distance us the distance of the east and west from those harmful to our faith.
Allahuma Ameen.

Fi amaanillah,
Umm Muhammed
Kindly remember my family and I in your duas today.

'Hayba' is a type of aura... it is an aura of awe and fear / deep respect.
*Hadith Bukhari 6475

26/05/2022

Walking Solo
Final Part
Author: Ceylan

SIX YEARS LATER

Today marks Hamza’s thirteen birthday.

Every year, since the past six years I celebrated his birthday.
I would feed an orphan home and then come home and cut a cake as I stared at his photograph.

Any other person would refuse to stare at this picture, but I wouldn’t allow hatred for Tamana to overshadow my love for my son.
The picture was the one when Hamza saw his mother after a year, the happiness that poured out and touched my heart, his innocence and his excitement was visible.

I got remarried three years ago, My wife moved from South Africa to live with me. She endured the loss of her spouse due to an illness. Our marriage was a healing stone for both of us, we understood the loss of a loved one and our relationship was based on patience.

Allah had blessed us with a little princess, and she looked exactly like Hamza when she was born, it was startling. I couldn’t hold her in my arms without breaking out in tears, but my beautiful wife Shazia was patient and understanding.

I had the fear of loving another child and losing that child, but our princess Amina clung to me and she took over my heart.

“Dad, can I blow the candles?” Amina pleaded.

I smiled and all three of us blew the candles out and burst out laughing.

“Oh Allah, please bring Bhai home soon. I want a friend.” Amina said out loud.

We all responded with a heartfelt Ameen.

PRESENTLY

Do I hate Tamana?
No, however I have always begged Allah to not create another person like her, to never allow another man to be tested, as I have been tested.

Do I ever wish that I never stipulated her presence in Hamza’s life?
Never, my fear to answering my Creator exceeded my need to agonize a mother.

After all, who was I to tear a son and mother apart? Even though she has done it to me, I would never have been content knowing the extent of pain one must endure.

Do I fantasize my life with him? Yes, I still do.

The day I remarried I promised myself that I would leave my past in New York, so I have kept a spare room for him in my home. My lawyers in New York have my current number at all times.

Why didn’t I ever visit Hamza in Pakistan?
Oh I tried.
Numerous times, I was never issued the visa. Always denied.
The frequent emails sent to Tamana and her family were never answered.

Tamana’s younger sister visited us once before she got married and showed me a picture, but never sent it to me.
After that,there was no contact with anyone in that family.

We all relocated, my sisters found amazing life partners here in South Africa and have children of their own. My parents wanted to relax during their retirement, they wanted to spend time with all the grandchildren.

My divorce and the loss of Hamza in our lives, had taken a huge toll on my parents, but Allah kept us strong and eventually I managed to settled down.

My relationship with Shazia formed slowly.
We both had to heal from our losses and start afresh.

She begged me to tell my story.
Shazia believes the stigma of men always being the abuser had to end, and I should be the one to be the stepping stone.

Men do have hearts, we do sit in corners and cry our hearts out.
We also want to shatter things in sight, but we are always controlled by society’s thoughts.
What will people say about us?
We will be the laughing stock?
Who wants to see weak men?

That’s just it, societies judgemental commentary which never ends.
I had to live through it, and had to endure hours of people telling me what I should have done or what I should do.
But that will never change the outcome of Allah’s plans, and I trust that plan.

I will not fall prey to cynical shirk methods in hopes that my child will run back to me, or his mother will suffer in pain.
What good does that do? The only result would be that my son will be sad.
My son will lose his mother and above all I will be fail to be a true muslim.

I have spent hours watching young men who are Hamza’s age and pondered, what is my son’s hobbies?
What career choice did he make? Is he happy?
Does he look like me or has he changed?

I spent endless hours searching for him on the internet.
I am pretty sure that Tamana changed all their identities.
I have never found him and even up until today’s date, I couldn’t find one picture of him.
Tamana’s father still appears on the political page but not one picture of his wife or children have surfaced in years.
The last I had heard, is that Tamana had moved out of Pakistan and her whereabouts were not known, which only meant that my son was somewhere in the world.

Perhaps it was the hope that Hamza would cone to New York, which kept me tied down there for years, but I couldn’t keep my wife and children away from the family on the presence of hope.

If there is one thing that I would convey out to the world, please remember we are responsible for our actions in this world.

By keeping a child away from a parent, be it a mother or father, will only cause misery and hatred in oneself.
I have cried many nights but I have prayed multiple times. I have pined as many times as I have smiled at my memories with my small first born.

I have a son and daughter with Shazia, and yes if you met me today, you would never tell that I have been tested in this manner.

Many father’s bury their sons and know that their sons have returned to our Creator, but I live everyday wondering if I will ever meet Hamza in this world or will Allah unite us in the hereafter?

My spouse has changed my perspective of marriage and I see it this way; Every rose has a thorn but don’t fall back if you are pricked, because if you do then you will never be able to touch and admire the beauty of the rose.

06/05/2022

https://deenprogress.wordpress.com/2022/05/05/should-a-muslim-man-marry-a-doctor/

Please do not be another burden a Muslimah has to bear.

06/05/2022

Anon post

Is happily divorced possible?

Assalamu alaikum va rahmatullahi vabarakaatuhu

This is actually a shout-out to other divorcee females.

To divorce or not is a big decision. The universal advice to women in abusive marriages is to leave it and save their mental health and strength. I did the same and like others I have no regret over my decision. I thought I have broken away my shackles and divorce has given me freedom to be myself and pursue the path of goodness.

But I found myself being ostracized by relatives and friends. I have to deal with an inflow of marriage proposals with conditions imposed and adjustments expected of me even if I'm not happy with the alliance. And if I reject a proposal, I'm being termed arrogant for choosing to do so. Slowly, I realise I'm a misfit in the society and my character is judged based solely on the fact I'm divorced.

Why are people so cruel? It feels like the case of falling from the frying pan to the fire. Many women maybe postponing their decision to end the marriage on fear of this scenario alone. It's been 11 years and I still feel I haven't healed. More than the effect of the bad experiences in marriage, it's painful to be under the social radar indefinitely and feeling like a failure.

Am I alone in feeling all this? No matter how much I try to focus on my happiness and goals, I find myself getting sucked into an abyss of despair which takes weeks or even months to come out of. I know there's a lot about me to take pride in but I shy away when asked about my marital status, as if I'm an ex-con. I struggled in my marriage and got out if it, now I have to struggle with everyone else to just keep living.

Just like how r**e victims are shunned more than they are sympathized with, divorced females undergo a similar litmus test. And yes, there's the issue of raising fatherless kids and fearing about their future and how the society may treat them. Kids raised without mothers enable their fathers being branded as 'les magnifiques', but it's a pathetic scenario the other way around. I know there's no exact solution to solve this issue as the world is not a bed of roses.

By an anonymous divorced muslimah

For Muslim women to share their personal stories anonymously and get the support based on Qur'aan and Sunnah