09/04/2026
It took me 45 years, and I'm a bit sad that I wasted so much of my life not knowing what I know now about my ADHD. BUT I absolutely am able to wrap my arms around my "little girl self" and celebrate her for getting through school -and life- with a brain that mostly felt like a browser with 47 tabs open. (If you knew me, you would know I couldn’t have come up with that analogy, because know very little about tech and I don’t use words like “browser” and “tabs”).
One day I was going about my things-you know- grabbing an urgent nap and such, when my sister (tactfully) sent me a podcast about women with ADHD, and Ha! Who would have thought, I ticked ALL the boxes, so off I went to collect my rightful (and expensive) diagnosis.
My life did a 180’, (or a 360’- I never know which one is a bigger turn…surely it should be the larger number🤔)… Anyway, I don't care to spend thought on figuring it out if it’s to do with numbers- ) -when I got diagnosed. SO much of me finally made sense (to me)!
So todays subtle lesson-Just a handful of things on my "Lightbulb Moment List"…part 1:
don’t always look like we’re bouncing off the walls.
looks like sitting still… while running a mental marathon.
From the outside, I look calm.
Inside, it’s a full-blown staff meeting with no chairperson. Never lonely up in here!🤯
But I am actually way more now since I have and the to live: (These tool hashtags are for another post)...
*Went a bit crazy there on the hashtags*😵💫😂
If I seem distant, short, or like I’ve checked out…
it’s not attitude—it’s a flat battery. I know I can come across as rude, My kids have the best manners - I am well aware of what good manners are meant to look like- But when its time to leave, I just cannot stand around pretending to still be present. Because I’m not, my brain has left the building and it’s onto what needs to be done next Tuesday.
My dopamine doesn’t fade slowly… it drops off a cliff. One minute I’m fully in, the next I’m buffering. (Only the people very close to me see - because I have learnt to mask personality since I was a child). I don’t ‘lose interest’—my brain just quietly pulls the plug.
When everything feels loud inside, I step back to turn the volume down.
That pause isn’t disconnection— its regulation. But I understand how it might feel to people who are trying to connect with me. What looks like withdrawal is just me coming home to my body. It makes me feel safe, while everyone else thinks I’m in a mood. (I am actually… a content one!😄)
I can go from fully engaged to completely unavailable in seconds.
Not because I don’t care—because my system is overloaded. It’s not inconsistency… it’s nervous system capacity.
I have spent my entire life trying to explain myself to people who don't understand me. And please don't assume this is me still doing it. I'm just using my story for likes and follows. (I can't find the laughing emoji). Seriously though, my intention is to share my journey - always, because maybe something I say lands for someone at the right time.
I'm excited because there is so much information that I will never run out of content...which I will either never get around to, or get REALLY around to, all in 42hrs.
Bored of this post.....
