Totally Me Tracy Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Totally Me Tracy Intimacy & Relationship Coach Struggling with disconnection, low desire, or communication breakdowns? Medical Aid rates apply.*
Online sessions are available.

I help individuals and couples rediscover intimacy, reignite desire, and build stronger connections with compassion, curiosity, and no shame.

One of the most common things I hear from couples in long-term relationships is that the chemistry has faded. The love i...
16/04/2026

One of the most common things I hear from couples in long-term relationships is that the chemistry has faded. The love is still there, deep and real, but the desire feels like it belongs to an earlier version of the relationship.

What they're actually missing is eros: the erotic energy that thrives not on comfort but on mystery, on longing, on wanting.

The shift doesn't require anything new or dramatic. It requires looking at what you already have with fresh eyes. Giving your partner space to be fully themselves. Staying connected to your own desires in the presence of the person you love. Allowing your relationship to be both your anchor and your adventure.

Desire doesn't disappear. It waits for you to come looking.

Visit totallyme.co.za to find out more about working with Tracy.

I've never seen a happy s*xless marriage where one partner needs s*xual connection to feel fulfilled, and I don't think ...
14/04/2026

I've never seen a happy s*xless marriage where one partner needs s*xual connection to feel fulfilled, and I don't think I ever will.

When you commit to monogamy, you become each other's only source of s*xual intimacy. That's a responsibility you've both chosen together, and it deserves to be taken seriously.

Many women don't realise that their desire pattern changes over time, and this is completely normal. If you're no longer 20, child-free, and carefree, your desire has likely shifted from spontaneous to responsive, which means you won't feel aroused until you actually get going. This doesn't mean you're no longer attracted to your partner. It's simply how desire works for most women as life evolves.

Think of s*x a little like exercise. You don't always wake up desperate to move your body, but once you start, you're almost always glad you did. Desire follows engagement, and engagement is a choice you can make even when the mood doesn't strike you first.

Body image struggles, exhaustion, stress, hormonal shifts, feeling disconnected from your partner, these are all real barriers that deserve genuine attention and compassion. But the goal is to lower those barriers together, not to let s*xual connection quietly disappear when life gets hard.

Sexual intimacy is how many people feel loved, seen, and genuinely close to their partner. If something is standing in the way of that for you, it's worth exploring rather than pushing through or ignoring entirely.

Book a session at totallyme.co.za and let's work through it together.

This one is for the men.If she's not interested in s*x, the answer is almost never about s*x itself. The answer is usual...
09/04/2026

This one is for the men.

If she's not interested in s*x, the answer is almost never about s*x itself. The answer is usually about emotional safety, and whether or not she actually feels it around you.

Emotional safety is the atmosphere she lives in when she's with you. Does she feel secure or on edge? Relaxed or tense? Connected or quietly alone? Supported, or like she's carrying everything by herself? When that atmosphere is off, her body shuts down. Her heart shuts down. Everything shuts down.

The surface complaints, the dishes, the schedule, the things she keeps bringing up, are rarely actually about those things. When she asks you to do what you said you'd do, she's asking whether your word means anything. When she asks you to be present, she's asking whether she matters. When those deeper needs go unmet consistently, she stops feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with you. And vulnerability is the only door to genuine intimacy.

Her deeper needs look like this. Presence: you're physically there but mentally somewhere else, so she feels invisible. Consistency: you say one thing and do another, so she's always bracing for disappointment. Priority: you give everyone else your best energy and she gets what's left, so she stops feeling valued. Follow-through: she asks, you forget, she asks again, and she quietly learns she's on her own.

When these needs aren't met, emotional safety disappears. When emotional safety disappears, she can't open to you, and yes, s*x goes with it. Thinking one good night together will fix a broken foundation is one of the most common mistakes I see in my practice. It won't.

Build emotional safety and everything shifts. Be present. Be consistent. Make her a priority. Follow through on what you say you'll do. That's what helps her body relax and open back up. That's what brings desire and connection back.

We're here for a good time, not a long time. Make it count.

Book a session at totallyme.co.za if you're ready to do this work together.

I want to talk about something I see constantly in my practice: the small things are never actually small.The cup of tea...
07/04/2026

I want to talk about something I see constantly in my practice: the small things are never actually small.

The cup of tea made without asking. The hand on the back as you pass in the kitchen. The text that says "thinking of you" in the middle of a busy day. These moments are the fabric of a connected relationship, and when they stop, we feel it, even if we can't always name what's missing.

Kindness in relationships fades quietly. We get comfortable, assume our partner knows we care, and stop doing the little things because life gets full and we forget. But couples don't usually fall apart over big betrayals. They disconnect through a thousand tiny moments of feeling unseen, unappreciated, or taken for granted.

When kindness disappears, resentment moves in. You start keeping score. You notice what your partner isn't doing rather than what they are. The benefit of the doubt shrinks, and every small irritation feels bigger than it should. Intimacy struggles to survive in that environment, because it's hard to feel desire for someone you're quietly annoyed with, and it's hard to open up to someone who feels more like a roommate than a partner.

Kindness doesn't mean ignoring your own needs or being a pushover. It means choosing to be gentle with the person you've committed to, especially when life is hard. One small act can shift the entire energy of your relationship. It says: I see you, I'm thinking about you, you matter to me.

That's intimacy. That's connection. That's foreplay in its truest form.

This week, try one small act of kindness each day. Send a message of appreciation on Monday, and be specific about what you love about them. On Tuesday, take something off their plate without being asked. Wednesday, give them your full attention for ten minutes with no phone and no distractions. Thursday, touch them with intention: a long hug, a shoulder squeeze, a hand on the cheek. And on Friday, ask them what they need from you today, and then actually do it.

Small, consistent kindness is where the rebuilding starts. If you want support doing that work together, book a session at totallyme.co.za.

Most of us were never taught what good s*xual intimacy actually looks like, and a lot of us are still quietly figuring i...
02/04/2026

Most of us were never taught what good s*xual intimacy actually looks like, and a lot of us are still quietly figuring it out. So let's talk about what not to do.

Don't rush your partner to or**sm. Rushing is one of the fastest ways to make sure neither of you actually enjoys the experience. Slow down, stay curious, and let pleasure happen at its own pace.

Don't comment on, critique, or joke about your partner's body. Sexual intimacy requires a safe space to be truly yourself, to be seen and not judged by the person you're with. Body comments, even the ones that feel casual or funny, are passion killers.

Don't just push through something that doesn't feel right for you. Your pleasure matters as much as your partner's, and if something isn't working, that is always worth saying out loud.

Don't bring your partner's previous lovers into the room, even in your own head. Comparing yourself to who came before creates distance and insecurity where there should be presence and connection. You are enough, exactly as you are.

And if you haven't talked about it outside the bedroom, you cannot expect it to just happen inside it. Consent and communication before s*x are what make the s*x worth having.

Great s*x starts with honest conversation, and that's exactly what we work on together. Visit totallyme.co.za to find out more about working with Tracy.

"Did you come?" is one of the most common questions asked after s*x, and one of the most awkwardly answered.So many of u...
31/03/2026

"Did you come?" is one of the most common questions asked after s*x, and one of the most awkwardly answered.

So many of us freeze in that moment, because nobody ever taught us how to talk honestly about pleasure without faking it, deflecting, or worrying about how our partner will feel. So we say yes when the real answer is more complicated, and we quietly teach our partners to keep doing the very thing that isn't working for us.

If you did or**sm, say so, and tell them what felt good. That feedback is a gift to both of you, and celebrating what worked is exactly how you make sure it happens again.

If you didn't, you don't have to fake it to protect anyone's ego. Faking an or**sm might feel kind in the moment, but it moves you further away from the s*x you actually want to be having. Some honest, kind ways to answer when you haven't: "Not yet, let's keep going." "I didn't, but I loved this part. Can we try more of that?" "I usually need a little longer and sometimes I need a vi****or too. Can we explore that together?" "I'd actually love it if you asked me how I'm feeling rather than whether I came."

The goal of s*x is pleasure and connection, and you deserve both. The only way to get there consistently is to be honest about what your body needs, without shame and without apology. Your partner can only give you what you're willing to ask for.

Visit totallyme.co.za to find out more about working with Tracy.

**sm

Thank you to everyone who came out and brought your sense of humour, your willingness to try something new, and your bea...
25/03/2026

Thank you to everyone who came out and brought your sense of humour, your willingness to try something new, and your beautiful energy. You made this night exactly what it was meant to be.

Here’s to more nights like this. More laughter, inspiration and opportunities for creating connection through playfulness and fun.
If you missed this one and would like to be part of our next couple’s event, stay tuned!

RelationshipGoals IntimacyCoach JohannesburgCouples PlayfulLove

The car guard sees me. The cashier sees me. The person walking past me on the street sees me. But you? I want YOU to see...
16/03/2026

The car guard sees me. The cashier sees me. The person walking past me on the street sees me. But you? I want YOU to see me.

Not just notice me, not just look in my direction, but really see me. Women want to be desired fully and completely, not just wanted for a moment but craved, thought about, and chosen over and over again. We want to feel like we are someone's whole world, their obsession, their person.

And here's the thing: that desire to be desired doesn't come from neediness or insecurity. It's actually one of the most human things about us. We are wired for deep connection, to be seen, held, and wanted in our entirety. That longing isn't too much. It's completely, beautifully valid.

But so many women are lying in bed next to someone and feeling completely invisible, going through the motions, performing instead of actually participating. They're physically present in a relationship but emotionally and s*xually unseen, and that disconnection is one of the most painful things a person can experience.

You deserve a partner who pursues you with intention, who sees you fully, and who says without question: you, always you. And if that's missing right now, that is absolutely worth talking about.

So start there. Tell your partner what makes you feel desired, be specific, be honest, because the conversation you've been avoiding might just be the one that changes everything.

11/03/2026

In this episode of Totally Not Taboo, Tracy sits down with the fabulous , headmistress of , to talk burlesque, body confidence, and what happens when women stop hiding.

From students who walked in wearing baggy clothes and hiding in the back row, to owning the stage with full sequinned confidence, this conversation is a celebration of women, femininity, and the radical act of self-expression.

This one is for every woman who has ever made herself smaller than she is. Go listen, and then go take up some space.

Available on Youtube and Spotify - Link in bio 🤍

04/03/2026

One of the most painful things I hear from couples is this: “I don’t feel like a priority in this relationship.”

To love someone is to help them feel seen, heard and valued.

Book the date night.
Ask the meaningful questions.
Make time for each other.

Small choices keep connection alive.

Book a session via the link in bio. How are you prioritising your partner this week?

TotallyMe TotallyMeTracy

03/03/2026

Join us for our upcoming couples paint night! It’s an opportunity to laugh until your sides hurt, doing something completely new together.

No artistic talent required. No pressure to create a masterpiece. Just you, your partner, some paint, and permission to be playful again.

Connection thrives on novelty and fun. When we do something new together, we step out of our usual roles and routines. We get curious. We laugh at ourselves. We remember what it feels like to just enjoy each other’s company.

Thursday, 19 March 2026
18:30 - 21:00
The Wild Side Restaurant, Craighall Park
R600 per couple

Book your spot by emailing camilla@totallyme.co.za


TotallyMeTracy IntimacyCoach RelationshipCoach CouplesEvent Johannesburg

Here's my rule: anything that would make your partner feel uncomfortable if they found out, or anything you feel the nee...
24/02/2026

Here's my rule: anything that would make your partner feel uncomfortable if they found out, or anything you feel the need to keep secret from your partner, that’s cheating!

If you and your partner need a safe, judgement-free space to work through trust, boundaries, and connection, I'm here for exactly that.

Book a session with me via the link in bio.

Address

Morningside, Sandton
Johannesburg
2101

Opening Hours

Monday 09:00 - 17:00
Tuesday 09:00 - 17:00
Wednesday 09:00 - 17:00
Thursday 09:00 - 17:00
Friday 09:00 - 17:00

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