Stacey Cohen - Educational Psychologist, Johannesburg (2025)

12/09/2025

Why I won’t say to my clients “they’re just jealous”

When you say “they’re just jealous”, you shut down the conversation. 🚪
You close the door on 🌱 growth.
You close the door on 🪞 self-reflection.
And you close the door on 🙋‍♀️ accountability.

Take this example: a client comes in upset after an argument with a friend. If the only explanation is “they must be jealous of you” 🚩, we miss the bigger picture. Conflict is rarely one-sided, reducing it to jealousy oversimplifies the situation and prevents us from exploring how both people may have contributed. How can we grow if we don’t try to gain insight? How can we be healthy individuals and have healthy relationships if we don’t self reflect.

It might feel protective in the moment 💭, but it stops you from asking the deeper question: What part am I playing, and how can I do better?

Conflict is an opportunity to pause, listen, and ask what part am I playing, and how can I do better? 🌱

💡 Conflict Tip
If someone says “you’re just jealous of me”, don’t get stuck in defense mode.
Try responding with:
👉 “I’m not sure jealousy is what’s happening here can we look at this from both sides?”

It keeps the door open for growth, self-reflection, and healthier communication 🌱 Remember, when someone says “you’re just jealous of me”, it’s often a way of protecting themselves from discomfort. Instead of reflecting inward, they push the responsibility outward. By gently inviting perspective-taking, you shift the conversation back toward understanding and accountability and create space where both sides can feel heard and valued.

03/09/2025

🚨 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲.

Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation explains why children’s mental health has collapsed since the early 2010s. Anxiety, depression, and self-harm rates in teens have more than 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 in just a decade.

Why? Childhood has been 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝.
⚖️ We’ve moved from a play-based childhood → to a phone-based childhood. 🌳 In the past: outdoor play, independence, and real friendships helped children develop resilience. 📱 Today: scrolling, social comparison, cyberbullying, and late-night screens dominate daily life.

One of Haidt’s most powerful points: 👉 𝘞𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦.
By limiting freedom in the real world while leaving kids exposed to the vast dangers of the digital world, we’ve flipped childhood upside down.
But there is hope: 🌳 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬. It teaches risk-taking, problem-solving, and emotional balance. 📱 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩. Delaying smartphones, limiting social media, and creating family tech-free times (like meals and bedtimes) all make a difference.

Haidt’s 4 cultural shifts that could change a generation: 1️⃣ No smartphones before high school 2️⃣ No social media before 16 3️⃣ Phone-free schools 4️⃣ More unsupervised play

Parenting in the digital age isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥, 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 that protect childhood and build resilience 💛

💬 Which of these steps feels realistic for your family right now?

01/09/2025

Silent treatment is not discipline. It is a parent’s inability in that moment to hold both their child’s difficult feelings and their own.

Instead of staying present and helping their child through emotions, the parent shuts down. For the parent it may feel easier, but for the child it is crushing. They learn:
❌ “My feelings are too much.”
❌ “I am not seen or heard.”
❌ “I am a burden.”
❌ “Love is conditional. If I have big messy feelings, mom or dad might not love me.”

For a child, silence does not feel calm. It feels like rejection. It feels like love being pulled away. And over time, it teaches them that their emotions are unsafe to express. They hold it all in, terrified that showing their true selves will push people away.

Silent treatment is not about the child’s behaviour. It is about the parent’s inability in that moment to regulate themselves and to tolerate difficult feelings. Perhaps this parent didn’t feel seen and heard when they had big feelings as a child and so it is very difficult to do so for one’s own child. The key is to be aware and conscious of it so that you can avoid it.

💡 What to do instead:
Tell your child you need a pause: “I feel upset right now and I need a minute, but I still love you.”
Return when calm and talk about the behaviour without withdrawing your love.
Model that connection is safe, even when emotions are messy.

Children do not need perfect parents. They need parents who can stay connected, even when feelings are hard. 🌿

29/08/2025

🎮Roblox looks like an innocent child’s game. Bright colours, playful avatars, endless creative possibilities. But it is not just a game. It is an entire online world where anyone can create content, join in, and interact with your child. And that is where the danger lies.

Here is what worries me most:
❌ Anyone can contact your child through chat if safety settings are not locked down.
❌ User-created games can contain violence, sexual content and highly inappropriate themes.
❌ Grooming, bullying and peer pressure can happen silently in the background.
❌ Children are exposed to experiences their brains and emotions are not ready to process.

The danger is not only in the game itself, but in the lack of boundaries and supervision. Roblox feels safe because it looks playful. Parents often think “all the kids are playing it, so it must be fine.” But appearances can be deceiving.

For a child, Roblox is exciting. For a predator, it is an open door.

💡 What you can do if your child plays Roblox:
Turn on every privacy and parental control setting.
Keep play in common spaces, not behind closed doors.
Talk openly and often about who they are playing with and what happens in the game.
Stay curious instead of critical and let them show you their favourite parts.

Children do not need us to ban every game, but they do need us to be aware, involved and protective.

And that is why I choose not to let my own children play Roblox. Their innocence, their safety and their sense of trust are far more important than fitting in with what everyone else is doing. 💛

28/08/2025

✨ Therapy isn’t about being told who to be.
It’s about having a safe space where a mirror is gently held up, so you can see yourself more clearly.

When you meet yourself with honesty, tenderness and curiosity, you begin to notice that the person you have been searching for, the strength, the wisdom, the possibility, has been within you all along. 💛

Many people come to therapy feeling lost, stuck, or even broken. And that is okay. The beauty of therapy is that it does not demand perfection. Instead, it offers a gentle space to uncover pieces of yourself that may have been hidden by pain, fear, or self-doubt.

Change does not happen because a therapist “fixes” you. It happens in the moments you start recognising your own courage, and step by step, choose to grow, heal, and rebuild.

The mirror is simply held. The transformation is yours. ✨

21/08/2025

Recovering from an emergency laparoscopic appendectomy has forced me into something I’ve always resisted and yet crave… stillness. I’m so used to moving, doing, carrying on with the rush of life. Suddenly, I’ve had no choice but to stop.

And it’s hard. Hard to sit with myself. Hard to let go of control. Hard to rest when my instinct is to keep going. And as a mom, the guilt of resting, of not being the one who’s doing it all can feel heavier than the recovery itself.

But maybe there’s a lesson in this. That slowing down isn’t weakness, it’s healing. That rest is not wasted time, but the space where our bodies and minds mend.

So here I am, with my cup of tea, learning how to be gentle with myself. And maybe you need this reminder too: sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to simply let ourselves pause. 🌿✨

14/08/2025

You can’t go over it ⛰️
You can’t go under it 🌊
The only way is through 💔✨

Whether it is grief, trauma, or deep emotional pain, avoiding it does not make it disappear. It stays stored in the nervous system 🧠, quietly shaping how we think, feel, and behave. Over time, it can surface as anxiety 😟, irritability 😤, physical symptoms 🤕, or a lingering sense of being stuck.

Avoidance can feel like relief in the short term, but true healing means gently turning toward what hurts. When we allow ourselves to feel, process 🔄, and integrate our experiences, the brain can refile the memories, the body can release the tension, and the emotions can move through instead of trapping us 🌈. We also allow ourselves the opportunity to grow from it and be better versions of ourselves 💫

It is not easy 💪, but it is worth it 💖

11/08/2025

“𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝’𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡…” 💛

If you’ve ever worried that you’re getting it wrong… If you’ve wondered whether your child’s tantrums are just “bad behaviour”... Or if you’ve blamed yourself for their anxiety, anger, or withdrawal... This post is for you.
Children don’t come with manuals and mental health doesn’t either. But over years of sitting with children and families, there are a few truths I wish I could hand every parent with a warm cup of tea and a deep exhale.
✨ You don’t need to be perfect. ✨ You don’t need all the answers. ✨ What your child needs most is you… your calm, your presence, your effort to understand them beneath the noise.

Swipe through for gentle truths about what really supports a child’s emotional wellbeing. Then come back and read them again on the hard days. You deserve the same softness you give your child. 🤍

👇 Which one spoke to you the most? I’d love to hear in the comments.

09/08/2025

🌸 Happy Women’s Day 🌸

Today we honour the strength, grace, and courage of women everywhere.

To the women raising little humans or this leading in workplaces, supporting communities, and holding space for others, your presence matters. Your voice matters. You matter.

May today be a reminder to slow down, to acknowledge how far you’ve come, and to celebrate the quiet victories that no one else sees.

Here’s to your resilience, your compassion, and the countless ways you make the world brighter.

💛 With gratitude and admiration, today and every day.

05/08/2025

“𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐧𝐨. 𝐇𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐞𝐬. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝... 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥.”

If you and your partner don’t always see eye to eye on parenting, you’re not alone. One of you might be the gentle whisperer of feelings, and the other might run a tight ship with snack-time regulations and early bedtimes. 🧘‍♀️⚖️

Here’s the good news: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬.
You just need to parent together with mutual respect, shared values, and the occasional secret eye-roll behind closed doors.

💔 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦.
Kids feel safest when there’s consistency and emotional alignment between parents. Whether you’re married, divorced, or co-parenting across different households, teamwork still matters. It’s not always easy, but it’s incredibly powerful.

This carousel is for all the parents navigating parenting with two playbooks and one shared heart. ❤️ Swipe through for real-life scenarios, a few laughs, and tips for finding common ground (even when you don’t agree on bedtime routines or blue lollipops).

👇 Tell me what’s the one parenting topic you and your partner just don’t agree on? Let’s normalize the messiness.

30/07/2025

If I weren’t afraid of hurting your feelings, I’d say this…
1. Your child’s big feelings aren’t the problem.
😤😢😡 Tantrums, meltdowns and mood swings are all part of being human.
But if you meet your child’s dysregulation with your own, you are not teaching them how to calm down. You are showing them how to spiral.
2. Your child will treat themselves the way they see you treat yourself.
🪞 If you constantly self-criticize, never rest or say yes when you mean no, they are learning that too. Your self-care is not selfish. It is modelling.
3. You are becoming their inner voice.
🧠 Every word you say now shapes how they will speak to themselves later.
If all they hear is correction, they will not learn confidence. They will learn shame.
4. Children do not misbehave to make your life hard.
🧸 They are seeking connection, not control.
Even the “bad” behaviour is often just a confused way of saying, “Do you see me? Do I matter to you?”
5. You do not need to be perfect. You just need to repair.
💔➡️❤️ You will snap. You will get it wrong. That is okay.
What matters is that you come back and say, “I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
6. Discipline without connection does not work.
🔌 If you are relying on time-outs and consequences without checking the emotional temperature, you are missing the heart of the issue.
7. Your child does not need a martyr. They need a model.
🧍‍♀️ You are allowed to rest. To have boundaries. To say, “I need a moment.”
That is not failing. That is teaching.
8. The work is hard. But it is worth it.
🌱 You are not just raising a child. You are shaping a future adult.
One who will carry your voice in their head long after childhood ends.

Parenting is not about never messing up.
It is about showing up with honesty, compassion and a willingness to grow 💛

23/07/2025

“I thought I’d done the work… and then I became a parent.” 😅😅

There’s something about raising children that gently (or not-so-gently) invites us to revisit parts of our own childhood we thought we’d long buried.
The way we respond to tantrums, clinginess, mess, or disobedience can stir up echoes of our own unmet needs, hurts, and patterns.

✨ Parenting can be both a mirror and a magnifying glass.

Take this, for example:
If you grew up in a home where conflict was avoided, where big emotions were shut down and “everything’s fine” was the family motto, your child’s tantrums might feel overwhelming or even threatening.
Not because they’re wrong, but because your nervous system never learned how to be with that kind of intensity.
So your instinct might be to fix it fast, shut it down, or feel like you’re failing.

But you’re not failing.
You’re healing.

You might’ve thought you were healed, and then your child came along and cracked you wide open in the most unexpected places.
Children don’t just trigger old wounds.
They illuminate them. ✨✨✨
They ask us, without words, to stop pushing our pain under the rug and to truly face it with courage, presence, and care.

The key is mindfulness.
The willingness to stay open.
To meet ourselves with the same compassion we’re trying to offer our children.

That’s the heart of the work I love doing with parents.
Together, we peel back the layers gently and safely, and begin to heal.
Not just for our kids, but for ourselves.

You’re not broken if old wounds resurface.
You’re human.
And you’re doing the work ❤️

Stacey Cohen - Educational Psychologist

12/09/2025

03/09/2025

01/09/2025

29/08/2025

28/08/2025

21/08/2025

14/08/2025

11/08/2025

09/08/2025

05/08/2025

30/07/2025

23/07/2025

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