Professional Counselling - Sarah Cohen-Schwarz

26/01/2023

How to protect yourself from verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is intended to belittle, humiliate, and psychologically harm the other person. It can be extremely harmful especially when. We experience it in our childhoods. It leads to low self-esteem, self-criticism, self-loathing, and overwhelming shame. It makes people more susceptible to anxiety, depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

Here are some examples of verbal/emotional abuse

• jealous accusations
• name calling
• making jokes at your expense
• constantly telling you things like “that didn’t happen” or “you’re remembering that wrong”
• telling you not to see friends and family
• harming or threatening the well-being of pets, children, or your possessions
• threatening to harm themselves or leave you if they’re upset
• making cruel and demeaning comments about you to others
• demanding access to your personal accounts or social media
• saying you can’t have access to money or resources
• denying your medical needs
• insisting on knowing where you are and what you’re doing at all times
• mocking you and undermining your efforts

In this article Melissa Barsotti offers a method of putting up boundaries against this abuse.

Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse that uses language and communication to cause harm. If you're experiencing verbal abuse, help is available.

23/01/2023

Self-punishment is something that many of us struggle with. I find that it is often connected to our childhood experiences and our relationship with the child inside ourselves. Awareness of when and why we punish ourselves is the best way to start treating ourselves better.

This article offers some insight into and practical suggestions for dealing with self-punishment.

Do you berate, or actually physically hurt yourself without thinking twice? What to know.

16/01/2023

Here's a Self-Esteem Quiz

Self-esteem has to do with how you perceive yourself and how compassionate you are toward yourself. It’s not about viewing yourself as perfect or better than others.

Wondering how your self-esteem measures up? You can take our quiz to find out.

16/01/2023

Excessively avoiding responsibility doesn't mean you're immature. It can be a symptom of Anxiety or Depression.

Excessively avoiding responsibility doesn't mean you're immature. Here's why it happens.

13/01/2023

I find the Enneagram a very useful map for understanding ourselves. This is a free event

A Free Video Event With Renowned Enneagram Teacher and Co-Author of Wisdom of the Enneagram Russ Hudson

13/01/2023

How do I know my relationship is healthy? I hear this question so often!

How to tell if your relationship is toxic? These 7 behaviors are red flags you shouldn't tolerate.

09/01/2023

Happy new year! I know this article talks to a thing that bothers most of us - Body Image!

Body acceptance can be difficult. But learning how to love and appreciate your body can help you feel safe in your body and improve your mental health.

04/11/2022

https://psychcentral.com/health/the-masks-we-wear?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-11-02&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

No matter the direct cause or motivation, masking typically helps protect your true self from further emotional harm and lower self-esteem. After all, people can’t reject you for who you truly are if they never knew you in the first place.

1. The martyr or victim mask
2. The bully mask
3. The humour mask
4. The calm mask
5. The overachieving mask
6. The self-bashing mask
7. The avoidant mask
8. The controlling mask
9. The people-pleasing mask
10. The socializer mask
11. The conformist mask

Personality masks are typcially used as a self-defense mechanism. Understanding what causes you to wear a mask around others may help you cope.

02/09/2022

What Are the 5 Types of Avoidance Behavior?

In some cases, avoidance can become a way of life. Not only can that prevent personal growth and the satisfaction that comes with overcoming your fears, but it may take away from your overall quality of life.

https://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-avoidance-behavior?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-06-29&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

There are five main types of avoidance behavior: situational, cognitive, protective, somatic, and substitution. We take a closer look.

02/09/2022

6 Key Questions to Ask When Choosing a Therapist

1. Do you have experience treating my particular condition?
2. What specific type of therapy do you recommend for my condition?
3. How long will therapy last?
4. Will you take a directive or less directive role?
5. Is therapy offered online? In-person?
6. How do you establish therapy goals?

https://psychcentral.com/blog/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-08-17&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a -to-ask

Six questions you may want to ask when choosing a therapist.

02/09/2022

Did you experience rejection in childhood?

This article gives useful information.

I especially like one of the suggestion for healing which is: "Self-reparenting - Show your inner child the acceptance and love they crave by becoming the caregiver you needed”

https://psychcentral.com/lib/effects-childhood-rejection -to-heal-from-rejection

These are some of the short- and long-term effects of being rejected in childhood and how it's possible to heal.

06/07/2022

Looking after your relationship

Feeling connected and safe with our partners are two of the most fundamental aspects of a good relationship. Both connection and safety can be negatively affected by a number of issues:

1. Lack of trust
2. Mental health conditions present in the relationship
3. Not being present
4. Physical distance in relationships
5. Differing schedules
6. Lack of intimacy
7. Violence or abuse
8. Having difficult conversations with your partner

This is a useful article about these issues

https://psychcentral.com/health/signs-your-relationship-is-in-trouble?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-06-01&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

If you feel disconnected from your partner, understanding the contributing factors and opening up a conversation may help you feel more connected.

18/05/2022

Discover Your Values

https://psychcentral.com/blog/discover-your-values?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2021-09-15&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

Why you're not living until you've discovered your personal values. Plus, how to find them.

17/05/2022

Hard on Yourself? 4 Emotionally Abusive Habits to Replace

https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-you-are-emotionally-abusing-yourself?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-03-09&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

Emotionally abusing yourself may be a knee-jerk reaction. See 4 types, plus alternatives.

05/04/2022

This is a great article, and I say this as a parent of teenage children!

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/mar/19/how-to-bully-proof-your-kids-for-life-according-to-the-expert?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits&cta=1&src=ph

20/10/2021

"Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself ... The challenge of recovery s to re-establish ownership of your body and your mind ... For most people this involves (1) Finding a way to become calm and focused, (2) learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or physical sensations that remind you of the past, (3) finding a way to be fully alive in the present and engaged with the people around you, (4) not having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the way you have managed to survive."

- Bessel van der Kolk, “The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma”

For any of you who struggle with the effects of trauma, constantly being on edge, struggling to focus or prioritise - this is a well researched and extremely helpful book. It provides a clear understanding of how trauma affects our bodies and what we can do to recover.

04/10/2021

There is a link between negative self-talk and depression

“We want to be able to love ourselves first, to have full acceptance of who we are, flaws and all, to accept the fact that we are imperfect,” Jewell says. “When we can do that, I often find that the negative self-talk backs off because we love ourselves and we’ve decided that we’re not going to continue to speak to ourselves the way we do.”

https://psychcentral.com/lib/challenging-negative-self-talk?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2021-09-29&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a

We all experience negative self-talk from time to time. Learn more about why we do it and how to challenge negative thoughts.

27/09/2021

“There’s nothing wrong with positivity. It just has to come after you’ve lived through your pain, after you’ve expressed it, examined it, and found the right time to try to move past it.” Vicki Botnick

https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-toxic-positivity?slot_pos=article_1&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2021-09-22&apid=&rvid=ce273c6b95f92b67e270119f9448e9f790fef3e0dac809fb637e2434dcaa544a -positivity-becomes-toxic

Can positivity turn toxic? Yes, it can, and here's a look at how to recognize it.