20/05/2024
I’ve been seeing a number of couples and those in relationships recently who have been grappling with this issue so I thought I’d write a short article on Cyber Infidelity and what it is.
By definition ‘Cyber infidelity’ refers to ‘emotional or sexual relationships with others conducted online that breach the trust and exclusivity expected in a committed relationship’. More simply put, it’s online sexual or emotional interactions or relationships you’re keeping secret or hidden from your partner.
This form of infidelity can occur through various digital channels, including social media (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok etc), dating apps (Grindr, Scruff, Tinder etc), instant messaging services (WhatsApp, Telegram etc, Live S%x rooms and other online chat rooms. With a whole range of platforms available this can be difficult space to navigate for many couples or those in relationships. In many cases, it does not get discussed which can lead to no clear boundaries or transparency when it comes to online spaces. Only getting confronted when there’s a problem such as a disclosure of an online sexual or emotional relationship or interactions. In many cases, the subject is avoided because of the fear and vulnerability which may come from questioning a partner’s personal online intimate life with possible accusations of prying, spying or not trusting.
The anonymity and accessibility of the internet as well as feelings of isolation, depression, relationship dissatisfaction, relationship issues, loneliness, unresolved childhood trauma etc facilitate online sexual and emotional interactions. And many see cyber infidelity as less serious than physical affairs because it’s online and not in real life. However, cyber infidelity is just as damaging, leading to feelings of betrayal, mistrust, trauma and emotional distress for the affected partner after the reveal of their partners secret online infidelities.
The spectrum of cyber infidelity ranges from flirtatious messages and intimate conversations to exchanging explicit photos or engaging in cybersex, without their partners knowledge. The subjective nature of what constitutes cheating complicates matters, as partners might have different understandings for what they consider infidelity leading to conflict and denials as to whether this is categorised as infidelity. Despite this, the emotional impact remains significant, often resulting in considerable strain on relationships and a breakdown of trust.
Technological advancements when it comes to social media, dating platforms and instant messaging services etc have further blurred the lines between acceptable online interaction and infidelity, challenging traditional notions of commitment and what cheating is. Many couples have to navigate what is cyber infidelity which requires them to ‘future proof’ their relationships by establishing clear boundaries and maintain transparency in their digital interactions to safeguard their relationship against the potential harms of online indiscretions.
If this is something you or your partner grappling with please seek couples therapy to work through how to navigate the use of technology in your relationship. Also a great resource is Dr Eve’s book titled ‘Cyber Infidelity’, based on years of her research in this field.
