Sorika de Swardt - Specialized Social Work

24/09/2025

24/09/2025

Criticism says, “You should know better. You need to be set straight, and I know what the right answer is. I don’t trust your intentions. You are the problem here and I’m here to tell you how to fix it.”

Criticism lacks self-awareness.
It doesn’t recognize that our reaction to someone else’s behavior is bringing up a feeling inside of us. That that feeling could be related to a deeper unmet need, a triggering past experience, or just a difference in value sets or beliefs.

Criticism doesn’t take responsibility for our feelings or perspective. It doesn’t leave room for curiosity.
It puts the problem solely on the recipient of the criticism.
It becomes flat, one-dimensional, and doesn’t allow for complexity, nuance, learning, or deeper connection & growth to occur.
It’s reactive instead of responsive.

It’s protective. And we often criticize because we have big feelings but never learned that it was okay to acknowledge and take responsibility for them, and to share those needs and feelings with other people in a way that didn’t threaten the connection between us.

Up front, it feels safer to criticize. It feels simpler. It’s less vulnerable, and *seems* like less work.

But criticism leaves a lot of important things unsaid and unacknowledged, and stops us from looking at our role in our own discomfort or frustration. It doesn’t actually ever get to the root of the problem.

We have to begin to ask ourselves,
What does this bring up for me?
What am I really needing?
Did it start here, or is this a much older pattern?

Then, if needed, we can step into a different type of conversation. One that takes responsibility for our part in this frustrating dynamic. And that’s how we begin to break the cycle of criticism and learn how to begin walking toward deeper levels of intimacy and closeness in our relationships.

In the Relationship Workshop beginning Oct 23, we deep dive into conflict - what it is, how it feels, how we show up, and how to start to navigate it with more honesty, integrity, and safety.
This is the last workshop of 2025!
https://theeqschool.co/relationship-management-workshop

24/09/2025

Maybe this seems obvious reading it here, but it's something MANY of us struggle with.

Why don't you see it the same way I do?
Why aren't you upset?
Why aren't you more excited about this?

Because we're all different, that's why!

We all move at our own pace and process things in our own way (based on our lived experiences, our mood, our values, our traumas, our emotional patterns, our triggers, etc), and it's really important that we're given the time and space to do so,
AND it's important that we allow that space for others.

This is not an out to ignore a conversation or a conflict, but it's moreso to help those who feel really anxious or upset when someone doesn't react in the way that you expect them to, in the timeframe in which you expect them to.

Instead of creating stories about why this might be, get curious instead.

Ask questions about what's going on.
Meet your own fears with tenderness and compassion.
And ask the other what they need from you (and then really listen to the answer).

Try to understand their perspective BEFORE trying to get them to understand yours.
I promise you, asking to understand before forcing someone else to understand you first will yield enormous returns in your relationships.

In the Relationship Workshop beginning Oct 23, we deep dive into what secure behaviors in conflict look like - and how to take greater responsibility for what's your while respecting the other person, and how to start to navigate it with more honesty, integrity, and safety.
This is the last workshop of 2025!
The 4pm cohort is filling up!
https://theeqschool.co/relationship-management-workshop

21/09/2025

18/09/2025

14/09/2025

13/09/2025

13/09/2025

Protect your peace.
Chase your purpose.
The rest will fall into place.