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Me & C, Pietermaritzburg (2025)

21/06/2025

21/06/2025 - Two Years and counting

It has been some time since I have done one of these posts and people have been asking me how I am doing so thought I would update.

Two year check up has been done - CT, MRI and Mommogram in the bag for another year. No signs of cancer, so I am very grateful for that. Even though I know I am good, a new lump, upcoming scans and small changes in your body can easily send the mind into overdrive which was very much the case.

I found a lump on my chest that has grown in size over the last couple of months and have also been battling terribly with my hip. I am probably more healthy now than I was before and still love my exercise (it has taken me two years to get some resemblance of being fit and strong back), but there is always that small bit of concern before scans that it may be back. Unfortunately I don't think that little element of doubt will ever disappear but I will always be relieved to keep proving it wrong. Scans all came back clear for the lump and I have a labrum tear in my hip. It's not ideal but something I can work with.

I just love this picture that was recently taken for a photoshoot we did for Maud Motion that I had to share. When I look at it, I see how much I have grown in the last couple of years. I am stronger, I am looking healthy again, my attitude to life has changed, I'm not scared to speak my mind and don't have time for drama. I embrace each day for the gift it it. I'm still chasing my sunrises but recently have also found the beauty in the moon. I am still making memories and grateful for the life that I live. Trust me when I say I do live it.

PS I won't even tell you how long it took to get this perfect shot but what I will say is planking while on Basi toes and keeping a 10kg rebounder lifted while nursing a broken toe and a hip tear was definitely a challenge. The end product was so worth it, though.

31/12/2024

31/12/2024 - Reflection

366 days shown in 40 photos. 2024 was the year I became a Cancer Thriver. I have always done things my way but even more so now. Cancer has changed me for the better. Life is about experiences and I live in the moment. My mum always said that when you get to your death bed, make sure it is with no regrets.

I've done things this year that I never thought possible. My dreams have become a reality. There are some exciting new things coming in 2025 and will share in due course.

I have the most amazing tribe and love doing life with all of you. I am just so grateful that I have the opportunity to keep making memories with you.

I will always chase the sun and will never tire of seeing the beauty of a sunrise.

2025 you hold so much promise. Please don't f*** it up.

14/06/2024

23/05/2024 - Change in status - Thriver aka Survivor

10 months after my treatment, I have had my first set of bloods and CT scan. It is quite a moment. To be honest, this didn't concern me at all. It has just been another step in the whole process. I think there will always be that element that does play on your mind. I didn't know I had cancer the first time around, so if it came back, would I know? I knew something was wrong the first time around but never expected cancer.

My day started with a blood test. What tells you I have had enough that I can now look at the needle to take a photo but I still can't watch it go in though. From there, it was up to radiology for my CT.

They make you drink the contrast for an hour before the scan. You are allowed to go to the toilet halfway and then nothing until after the scan. I'm allergic to shellfish, and as the prep contains iodine, I had to have cortisone tablets starting the day before. The staff are always stressed but I've had enough CT scans to know I will be fine.

What was not disclosed to me before the scan is the amount of contrast I would be having. I had Colorectal Cancer. I had to drink the contrast. They then also put a needle into my arm and administered it intravenously. What I wasn't prepared for was that they also wanted to administer contrast into the re**um. You really do leave your dignity at the door with some of things you go through. Mental note taken for future that it will be administered 3 ways. They did want to do a 4th but I outright refused. Even I have limits.

Scan is quick and painless. Just a lot of breathing in and holding your breath.

Saw my oncologist a few days later. He really is awesome. He gets me and I so appreciate it. It is official. I am no longer a Cancer Warrior but a Cancer Survivor or Thriver as I like to call myself.

I am one of the lucky ones and I will cherish my time. Something that isn't afforded to everyone.

31/03/2024

31/03/2024 - Easter

Can't believe it is already 3 months since I last posted. I have tried a few times but just haven't really known what to write.

The cancer and treatment seem long ago now and the rat race has sucked me right back in. It is almost as though I have picked up things from where they came to a screeching halt 15 months ago. The biggest difference is I have changed, my body has changed and my outlook on things has changed.

I have been left with many side effects and manage them as best I can. The hardest part has been the medical menopause and the weight gain that has come with it. While it is challenging, I am still able to move my body and get to rebound and do pilates on a daily basis so am grateful for that. Still haven't been for a run. That is going to still be a while. Had hoped to do the Two Oceans 21km but I'm nowhere close to that yet.

I saw the doctor in January for a routine check-up. Just the usual. I will have my first set of blood tests and scans since treatment was completed during May as well as my annual gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It will be good to finally get confirmation that all is clear.

Last year was one of the toughest years I've faced to date and still quite surreal to think about what I went through. At the time, I thought it would never end, and looking back, I can't believe what actually happened. Looking at me now, no one would ever guess what I've been through.

I am grateful that I get to live each day and I honestly do live. My mum always used to say that she never wanted to get to her death bed and have any regrets and, as a result, lived her life accordingly. Her only regret when she died was not having more time with us. This has always stuck with me and I am lucky as I have been gifted more time. There are still so many things to do and see but I'm getting there one day at a time.

31/12/2023

31/12/2023 - Last day of the year that I have learned the most from

As 2023 draws to a close, I look back on the year that has been. I met the most broken version of myself to date but also found my strongest.

When the year started, I had no idea what was in store for me. This year has really tested me. I have tried to be as positive as possible but I did have my moments and wanted to know why I had to go through what I was going through. I have experienced more heartache and loss than most and couldn't understand why I now had to experience this.

Someone told me that we can't be healers until we had been through our own trauma. I always thought that losing my mum, uncle and best friend in the space of 7 months was it but I was so wrong. Cancer was my journey. I see and experience things so differently now. While my mum never had cancer, she did have a terminal illness, this gave me a small glimpse of what she went through on a daily basis. I know what it is like to grow up with a loved one who is sick, lose them but also experience what it is like to have an illness. You could say I've done the trifecta. I can only hope that my journey has helped someone else in whatever way they have needed.

I am definitely leaving this year wiser, mentally stronger and more appreciative for what I have. Unfortunately I am also leaving it broken. I mourn the life that I have lost and the changes that I've had no choice but to accept. My tired is tired and my body has changed so much. Cancer is definitely the gift that keeps on giving - both good and bad.

For some reason I've been thinking about sunrises and sunsets and trying to decide which one I prefer. I am not a morning person at all but nothing beats a sunrise. I have experienced some of the most beautiful sunrises this year. There is something so magical about that time of the day. Not only is it peaceful but it gives promise and hope of what could be.

While the sun sets on 2023 it will rise for 2024 and give us 366 new opportunities. The year will be what we make of it and I am so excited to see what 202more has install.

#2024

19/11/2023

19/11/2023 - Update

I know many people are wondering how I am doing and thank you for your messages. I am honestly as fine as I can be.

I've already been for my 6 week and 3 month check ups with my oncologist. He is very happy with how things are going. I see him again end of January and will have my first set of blood tests since treatment finished. My scans will also be next year. The check ups are to confirm that the cancer has gone and that it hasn't popped up somewhere else. Standard practice. I will have check ups for the rest of my life.

My body is a bit of a mess. It took a huge hammering between treatment and side effects. I lost a lot of muscle and have picked up a lot of fat. I still battle terribly with neuropathy in my feet and my gums have been numb of late. Hands are much better and only battle from time to time with them. As a result, I am having Neurobion injections weekly and will then be on them monthly. For those who have never had one, they are honestly the most painful injection I have had to date.

My brain is still horribly fuzzy. Words still fail me and I sometimes forget mid-sentence what I am saying. Between side effects and menopause it doesn't have much change.

At the age of 42, I have gone into medical menopause. Will do a separate post about that.

My colour has finally come back and the twinkle in my eyes. I can go in the sun again. I get a bit burnt but loving the sun on my skin.

I'm back in my studios and loving every minute. My fitness and strength will take time to build up but at least I am able to do classes again. My body will never be the same and now it is trying to find its new normal. I am one of the lucky ones and it is a privilege that I get to exercise. It may not be the way it used to be but at least I can.

I love spending time with my family (humans and fur) and cherish every minute. I still struggle to watch TV. One I fall asleep or two I can't concentrate long enough and get bored. Haven't read much either. I tire very quickly. It is amazing how quickly the rat race sucks you back in. I just need to find my balance.

19/11/2023

19/11/2023 - Living in the moment

Can't believe it is nearly 4 months since my last dose of radiation and chemo. How am I doing? Well, I will give my default response of I'm fine. I will do a few posts to go into specifics.

After going through what I've been through in the last 11 months, I honestly don't know how I should feel. This sort of this doesn't come with a manual. Most people have expected me to go back to how I was before everything. Safe to say this will never be the case. My life has changed, and so has my body, my goals, my abilities, my outlook, my health, my fitness, my priorities. I count my blessing twice as much and live in the moment.

Yesterday, while watching my son's last cricket game of the season, I started to feel a bit heart sore. In the blink of an eye he has grown so quickly and soon he will be leaving the nest to start his own adventures (I know I have a few more years but they are flying by). I loved playing sport back in the day but nothing brings me more joy than watching my son play sport and his love for it.

I savour these moments. Sports days are non-negotiables for me. No matter how sick I have felt over the last 10 months, I have been there to watch every game, to share Cam's highs and lows, victories and losses. I have loved watching him evolve as a player.

I have taken very few pictures or videos this year as I have been living in the moment and being thankful that I get to have many more.

07/10/2023

05/10/2023 - It is a privilege to get older

Some people fear getting older and everything that comes with it. Others are grateful to have seen another year around the sun.

Even before the cancer diagnosis, it has always been a privilege to grow older for me. My mum was 50 when she died and my best friend 30 and I know they would have given anything to be afforded the opportunity to grow old.

After my mum passed, I removed my birth date on social media and don't offer the date up easily. My birthday is very low key. With my mum passing 3 hours before my birthday and years prior my grandfather was rushed to hospital with a perforated ulcer after my birthday dinner and us finding out he had stomach cancer and months to live, my birthday is also a reminder for me of those that we have lost.

My mum would always say that our book of life is written the day we are born and our time is our time. None of us know know how long we have but we do have the choice how we decide to live it. I choose to live each day to the fullest, I do things that scare the daylights out of me, I live in the moment and make the memories.

Keeping up with tradition, I received my yellow roses (32 short but who is counting 😉) and a fur baby to help heal my broken heart. Hearts are amazing. They have the capacity to keep growing their love.

Basil has already cemented his place in my heart. He will never take the place of my precious Diggy and Nalie but he was never meant to.

I know that there are beautiful things in store for my 43rd trip around the sun and can't wait to share them with you as they unfold.

05/10/2023

04/10/2023 - My strong

This picture is of my mum meeting Cam for the first time. She was waiting patiently at the hospital for him to be born.

People always say that I am strong. What people don't always know is what you have been through to make you strong.

I grew up with a sick mum. Most know that. What people don't know is that my mum died 3 hours before my 30th birthday. She was surrounded by her family as she took her final breath. I didn't cry but felt relief. Heids had fought such a hard battle and it was her time to finally be at rest. She had arranged for me to receive a birthday card and my yellow roses. Every birthday she would give me a yellow rose for every year I had been on this earth. Something Craig has continued to do every birthday for me.

What people don't know is that my uncle had passed 3 months early to losing my mum. His personality was larger than life and losing both of them so close to each other left a huge void in our lives.

Things happen in 3s right?. 4 months after losing my mum, and 7 months to the day of losing my uncle, my best friend died, 10 days after her 30th birthday. I never had the chance to say goodbye to her. Her death is the one I've never dealt with. My mum and uncle were sick and even though it is a shock when it happens, you are accepting of it. My best friend was different. Everything happened so quickly. She still had her whole life ahead of her.

What I have learned through all of this, is that life is precious. Do the things that scare you and don't be afraid to try new things.

Life is also about choices. I could have fallen into a heap on the ground, but I chose to embrace what they had all taught me and live a life of no regrets.

My salvation through all of this was my running. The road saw most of my tears that year. I was training for Comrades at the time. In the final 2kms of the race, it felt as though my legs were going to buckle. I still remember the feeling of being held up and my back gently pushed. I would like to believe it was my 3 guardian angels getting me to the finish line that day.

That was the year that cemented my strong.

28/09/2023

28/09/2023 - A million more

This picture is of my precious Nala, aka Nalie Bug, the day we brought her home. I chose her as she had the most s***k out of all the puppies in her litter and nothing ever changed.

Bug has been one of the most loyal dogs you could ever ask for. When I used to leave the house, she would sit by the gate, waiting for me to come home. Like Digger, Nala would also follow me around the house. Since Diggy's passing, Nala has been my shadow.

Today, Nala was tragically taken from us in a freak accident. I am going to miss hearing you bark at 5pm every day to "remind" us it was supper time. Don't know how you knew 5pm on the dot. Going to miss hearing your bark in the middle of the night when you were telling me you needed to go outside. I am going to miss you snuggling with me on the couch and your snoring. You have been by my side for the last 10 years and even more so over the last 9 months.

The only consolation I have today is that you have now crossed the rainbow bridge and will be forever with your soul mate Digger. We could have never asked for two more perfectly matched babies.

I didn't think my heart could break anymore after losing Digger 4 weeks ago but it has. I can honestly say that 2023 has been the worst year to date for me and I have been through more heartache than most. I don't wish time away but 2023 needs to pack its bags and go now.

Love you forever my Buggie Bug.

Me & C

21/06/2025

31/12/2024

14/06/2024

31/03/2024

31/12/2023

19/11/2023

19/11/2023

07/10/2023

05/10/2023

28/09/2023

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