Ilze Biggs - Counselling Psychologist in Port Elizabeth

19/06/2025

Lindsay Gibson defines emotionally immature individuals as those who struggle with ¹:
- *Emotional Regulation*: They have difficulty managing their emotions, leading to outbursts, mood swings, or emotional unavailability.
- *Empathy and Emotional Awareness*: They lack understanding and validation of others' feelings, often prioritizing their own needs and emotions.
- *Self-Centeredness*: They tend to be egocentric, making conversations about themselves and dismissing others' thoughts and feelings.
- *Impaired Relationships*: They struggle to maintain healthy, intimate relationships due to their emotional immaturity.

Some common traits of emotionally immature people include:
- *Overreacting* to relatively minor issues
- *Lack of emotional awareness and empathy* when dealing with their children's feelings
- *Using guilt trips* or emotional coercion to control others
- *Prioritizing their own needs* over their children's
- *Being inconsistent* in their words and actions
- *Difficulty with self-reflection* and acknowledging their role in problems

Dr. Gibson emphasizes that emotionally immature individuals may not be aware of the impact their behavior has on others, and their actions can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety in those around them.

04/06/2025

When therapy comes to an end with a client we may pick up again months later or even years later, sometimes, I don't see the client again. However, I do carry the people who have shared the space with me. I wonder about them, curious how their lives are unfolding. I share such an intimate and vulnerable space with the humans in therapy, deep and meaningful conversations, authentic truths are revealed, pain is shared, meaning making stories. I think of you. You have shaped me in my evolution as a woman and psychologist. Thank you

07/05/2025

Self-sabotaging behaviors are patterns of thought or action that hinder an individual's potential, goals, or success. Here are some common examples:

1. *Procrastination*: Delaying tasks or decisions, leading to missed opportunities or lost productivity.
2. *Negative self-talk*: Criticizing oneself excessively, eroding confidence and self-esteem.
3. *Perfectionism*: Setting unrealistically high standards, leading to frustration, anxiety, or abandonment of goals.
4. *Self-doubt*: Persistent uncertainty or lack of faith in one's abilities, holding oneself back from taking risks or pursuing opportunities.
5. *Fear of failure*: Allowing the fear of failure to dictate decisions, leading to stagnation or missed chances.
6. *Comfort zone limitations*: Staying within a narrow comfort zone, avoiding challenges and growth opportunities.
7. *Addictive behaviors*: Engaging in harmful habits or dependencies that hinder personal growth and well-being.
8. *Self-blame and guilt*: Excessively dwelling on past mistakes, leading to emotional distress and reduced motivation.
9. *Lack of boundaries*: Overcommitting, overextending, or allowing others to dictate one's priorities.
10. *Fear of success*: Subconsciously sabotaging efforts due to a deep-seated fear of achieving success or its perceived consequences.
11. *Comparison to others*: Constantly measuring oneself against others, leading to feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.
12. *Inability to ask for help*: Struggling alone, rather than seeking support or guidance when needed.
13. *Self-destructive habits*: Engaging in harmful activities, such as substance abuse or reckless behavior, which can harm physical and mental health.
14. *Lack of self-care*: Neglecting one's physical, emotional, and mental well-being, leading to burnout or decreased resilience.
15. *Stagnant relationships*: Holding onto toxic or unfulfilling relationships, rather than seeking healthier connections.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. By acknowledging and addressing self-sabotaging behaviors, individuals can overcome obstacles and reach their full potential.

11/04/2025

Relational intimacy: Asking thoughtful and vulnerable questions can help create emotional intimacy in relationships. Here are some examples:

# # Deepening Connection
1. What's one thing you're proud of accomplishing, and how did it make you feel?
2. What's something that's been on your mind lately, and how can I support you?
3. What's your favorite memory of us, and what made it special?

# # Understanding Each Other
1. What are your non-negotiables in our relationship?
2. How do you like to receive love and affection?
3. What are your thoughts on [insert sensitive topic]?

# # Vulnerability and Trust
1. What's something you're afraid to tell me, and how can I create a safe space for you?
2. What's a past experience that still affects you, and how can I support your healing?
3. What's one thing you wish I knew about you but haven't told me?

# # Conflict Resolution and Growth
1. What's something I do that triggers you, and how can I improve?
2. How do you think we can grow and improve together?
3. What's a conflict we've had in the past, and what did you learn from it?

# # Playfulness and Fun
1. If we could plan a dream vacation together, where would we go and what would we do?
2. What's something you've always wanted to try but have been too afraid?
3. What's your favorite way to spend quality time together?

Remember, the goal is to ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions that encourage vulnerability and connection.

29/01/2025

From my couch to yours, for anyone who needs to hear this: deep breath, presence, gratitude, trust yourself - you have got this

13/01/2025

13/01/2025

Looking forward to connect with clients in 2025. Practice is open and sessions resume this week.

Available for individuals and couples.

Connect via email: ilze@pepsychologist.co.za or whats app 0823204550.

Online or in person

11/10/2024

Our mindset impacts every component of our lives:

Here are 5 more examples of the importance of mindset:

1. _Mindset affects our ability to learn_: A growth mindset allows us to embrace challenges and persist in the face of obstacles, leading to greater learning and personal growth.

2. _Mindset influences our creativity_: A positive and open-minded mindset fosters creativity, innovation, and problem-solving skills.

3. _Mindset impacts our physical health_: A healthy mindset can lead to better physical health outcomes, including lower blood pressure, a healthier weight, and a stronger immune system.

4. _Mindset determines our response to failure_: A growth mindset helps us view failure as an opportunity for growth and learning, while a fixed mindset can lead to discouragement and giving up.

5. _Mindset shapes our financial habits_: A mindset of abundance and prosperity can lead to healthier financial habits, such as saving, investing, and generosity, while a mindset of scarcity can lead to financial stress and anxiety.

These examples illustrate how mindset can have a profound impact on various aspects of our lives, from learning and creativity to physical health and financial well-being. By cultivating a positive and growth-oriented mindset, we can unlock our full potential and achieve greater success and fulfillment.

16/07/2024

Conscious relationships with couples are important because they involve a mindful and intentional approach to building and maintaining a healthy, fulfilling partnership. Conscious couples prioritize communication, self-awareness, and personal growth, leading to deeper understanding, empathy, and connection. Key themes to focus on in conscious couples include:

1. *Communication*: Open, honest, and non-judgmental sharing of thoughts, feelings, and desires.
2. *Emotional Intelligence*: Recognizing, understanding, and managing one's own emotions and those of one's partner.
3. *Vulnerability*: Willingness to be vulnerable, authentic, and transparent in the relationship.
4. *Active Listening*: Fully present and engaged listening to understand each other's perspectives.
5. *Accountability*: Taking responsibility for one's actions, emotions, and needs.
6. *Empathy*: Practicing compassion, understanding, and validation.
7. *Intimacy*: Cultivating physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness.
8. *Conflict Resolution*: Addressing conflicts in a constructive, respectful manner.
9. *Personal Growth*: Supporting individual growth, learning, and self-improvement.
10. *Trust*: Building and maintaining a foundation of trust, reliability, and loyalty.
11. *Boundary Setting*: Establishing and respecting each other's boundaries.
12. *Gratitude*: Practicing appreciation and gratitude for each other and the relationship.

By focusing on these themes, conscious couples can create a strong, supportive, and loving partnership that fosters growth, understanding, and a deep connection.

15/07/2024

Here's a truth about parenting that the Conscious Parent accepts:

"My child's behavior is not a reflection of my worth as a parent, but rather an opportunity for me to guide them towards self-awareness, emotional regulation, and empowerment."

Conscious Parents understand that their child's actions and emotions are a natural part of their development and growth, and that their role is to support and nurture their child's journey towards self-awareness and self-acceptance. By embracing this truth, Conscious Parents can approach parenting with a sense of curiosity, compassion, and patience, rather than judgment or self-doubt.

Connect to learn more.

24/06/2024

People who cultivate well-being and stability often share certain daily habits that contribute to their mental and emotional resilience. Here are some common daily habits of people who prioritize well-being and stability:

1. *Mindfulness and meditation*: Starting the day with mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga, to calm the mind and set intentions.
2. *Gratitude practice*: Reflecting on the things they're thankful for each day, no matter how small.
3. *Physical activity*: Engaging in regular exercise or physical activity to boost mood and energy.
4. *Healthy sleep habits*: Prioritizing 7-9 hours of sleep each night to help regulate emotions and cognitive function.
5. *Nourishing nutrition*: Fueling their bodies with a balanced diet rich in whole foods, fruits, and vegetables.
6. *Connection and social support*: Scheduling time with loved ones, friends, or community activities to foster social connections.
7. *Purposeful work*: Engaging in meaningful activities or work that brings a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
8. *Self-care*: Prioritizing activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as reading, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath.
9. *Boundary setting*: Establishing healthy boundaries with others to protect time, energy, and emotional well-being.
10. *Reflection and journaling*: Regularly reflecting on thoughts, feelings, and experiences to process emotions and gain insights.
11. *Self-compassion*: Practicing kindness, understanding, and patience with themselves, especially during challenging times.
12. *Leisure time*: Scheduling time for relaxation and enjoyment, without guilt or apology.

Remember, everyone's path to well-being and stability is unique, and it's essential to find habits that work best for you and your lifestyle.

16/05/2024

Send me an email to biggsilze@gmail.com with the comment FREE and I will mail you a guided Ebook.