22/01/2026
Every time I have a session with an adult and the little boy in them/the little girl in them starts to show up, I realize how much work we really need to do on ourselves as parents.
What is necessary for your survival as a parent when life has been unkind to you, the defence mechanism and coping skills (almost always unhealthy) that you develop and practice, unfortunately becomes the source of your child’s trauma.
The abusive parent you survive, teaches you that everything in life is earned. Including the basic love and belonging , your unhealed trauma manifests in you making your child work extra hard for your love.
The abusive partner you survive, teaches you to never allow yourself to love anyone enough to let your gut down. Your unhealed trauma manifests in building walls around yourself, creating distance between you and your child. No matter how much they try, they can never reach you. You teach them they are unlovable.
The adults that failed you, that you survive teach you that nothing good happens to “people like you”, you believe it, you internalise it, you build your identity around it and you feed it to your children, without meaning to, you teach them to self sabotage, worse you speak down on anything they try, you even sabotage it for them.
Your unhealed trauma, anxiety, depression, anger, shows up in your relationship with your children and you reduce it to being a strict parent that is always a victim and takes no accountability.
May you find it in yourself to Do The Work, so your children dont have to Survive you 💚
