05/05/2023
I have loved Sarah Ockwell-Smith ‘s wisdom for many years now. This book is a must for any parent who wants to understand their child’s sleeping patterns and find ways to improve and support sleep in their household.
Without a doubt, the top question I get asked by parents of toddlers, preschoolers and children in the early school years is:
"How can I get them to sleep alone?"
This question means different things to different parents, e.g::
* how can I get them to go to sleep at bedtime, without sitting next to them the whole time?
* how can I get them to sleep in their own bed all night?
* how can I get them to stay in their own room and not keep coming out?
Whatever the meaning though - the underlying concept is the same. Why don't young children happily sleep independently?
To answer this question we have to understand that children are no different to the young of any other mammal - and virtually ALL mammals sleep next to their young until they are almost fully grown. For animals this is important, because it keeps their offspring safe from predators. For human offspring, they may not be eaten by predators in the night, but this doesn't stop them from feeling vulnerable and scared of being alone. Similarly, the close proximity to their parents at night helps them to feel safe and secure - and for good sleep, children need to NOT be in fight or flight mode, full of anxiety and cortisol.
What's the solution? Most importantly, I think we need a harsh reality check (sorry!). As much as society tells us that we shouldn't mollycoddle children and that it's weird and somehow wrong for them to need cuddling to sleep, or contact with us all night, we have to cut through the noise and go back to animalistic basics. It's hard for children to sleep independently because every cell in their being is screaming that it is wrong.
This is tough for us, it is exhausting, it is draining, it is frustrating...but if we reset our expectations and hold a realistic viewpoint it is SO Much easier - because we stop fighting our children and nature too.
(more later on today for a few little pointers that can gently (and at the child's pace) help to encourage the emergence of some sleep independence, because sometimes you just can't meet their needs for attachment at night!).
For more on the realities, psychology and physiology of infant and child sleep (and how to gently improve it) you can grab a copy of the new edition of my 'The Gentle Sleep Book' for only 99p for the rest of this week. Note: DON'T BUY THE PAPERBACK FROM AMAZON, they will send you the old, outdated edition which is significantly less helpful! The ebook is the new version though (and much cheaper!):
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Sleep-Book-toddlers-pre-schoolers-ebook/dp/B00SRXR47Y/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Alternatively you can get the updated paperback here:
https://uk.bookshop.org/shop/sarahockwellsmithauthor
