Inner Warrior

10/04/2024

Another successful 2-day coaching breakaway with a national sales team that produced great results!

Since working with this team, their overall sales increased by 10% within 2 months 📈

After more personalized coaching, some team members have shown a growth of up to 36% and a positive conversion of previously lost business 📊

𝐓𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐝:

• Understanding the personality dynamics within the team (including behaviours, needs, dislikes, motivation etc)

• Understanding the personality of their manager and their leadership style.

• How to decrease conflict and stress factors by learning how to work with different personalities.

• Optimizing their sales style by learning how to use the gifts and strengths of their personalities to increase performance.

• Pinpointing the personalities of their clients and learning how to improve their working relationship with them.

"𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑢𝑙𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒." - 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑹𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒕

Visit www.innerwarrior.co.za for more information about what we do.

26/11/2023

𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 🧠💭

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵? 𝘋𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘋𝘰 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴?

If these questions capture your interest, then this seminar is a must for you!

If you are interested, contact us to book your spot and join us as we explore the psychology behind dreams 💫

Please note that bookings close on Thursday, 30 November.

29/06/2023

This is easier said than done, but this crucial ability can be developed... Read on to learn more ✨

Like with anything else, certain personalities are naturally good at using this ability, while others find it more difficult.

Think of the boat example in the picture; its hull keeps the water outside and prevents the ship from sinking ⛵️ A strong hull can take a lot of punishment, but a weak hull will break easily, causing the water to stream into the boat.

We have something similar that can be compared to the ship's hull. Just as each cell in your body has a cell membrane that regulates what enters and leaves the cell, we also have a means of regulating what enters and leaves our psychological and emotional space.

This psychological skill enables us to create a "barrier" that keeps out unwanted emotions, experiences and other input. To make it easier to visualize, think of it as a bubble that's around you. If your mind cannot create a strong barrier, it won't take much for the "bubble" to break, and as a result, the external issues will flow into your mind and affect your thoughts and emotions 🌊

To give you an example of what it feels like to create a barrier, think of a time when you chose to ignore someone. They were talking to you, but you mentally created a barrier that prevented their words from truly entering your mind and affecting you. Although this example gives you an idea of what a barrier feels like, the skill I am referring to feels different but is based on a similar concept.

In the Inner Warrior Personality Framework ©, certain personalities do this with ease and use it as an emotional defence mechanism, blocking out their surroundings and preventing them from influencing their thoughts and emotions. Although this can be a gift in many situations, it can harm their relationships if they don't learn how to control it.

The goal is not to ignore your circumstances but to train your mind to develop a strong barrier that can endure adversity and keep the turbulent waters of your circumstances at bay. This will enable you to maintain a clear mind and grounded perspective that prevents negativity from infiltrating your mind and causing a negative emotional spiral 🙏🏻

Our passion is to help people to achieve their full potential. We offer various teachings, seminars and services to help our clients become the best possible versions of themselves!

15/05/2023

𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿

Part 3 of the Personality Series will be on 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝟮𝟬 𝗠𝗮𝘆 🧠✨

𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗲: You can still attend this seminar if you missed parts 1 and 2. Although this seminar is designed to bring value to everyone, it will be of extreme value if you have children or are working with children.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲'𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴:

• How to identify the personality structures of people (especially children) and how to bring out the best in them.

• The parenting styles of different personalities and how it affects the various personalities of children.

• Understand why children behave and react differently to different people. (𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭)

• The different developmental stages and how each personality handles them.

• How your own developmental stages went and understanding the effects of it.

• Gain a more profound understanding of the dynamic between you, your parents and your siblings.

• And much more!

For more information and booking details, click on this link:

https://shoutout.wix.com/so/c9OVdL_n1?languageTag=en

30/01/2023

𝗨𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 (Saturday, 18 February) 🧠✨

Take your understanding of people to a whole new level with this exciting and engaging seminar!

This is the first seminar that forms part of the 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑄𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 series.

It lays the foundation for the following seminars, which will include a seminar on how each personality deals with stress and conflict and how to handle them, as well as a seminar on the personalities of children, which includes the dos and don'ts when interacting with them, and how to help them to reach their full potential.

For more information, visit this link:

https://shoutout.wix.com/so/39OO1fdS0?languageTag=en

18/01/2023

𝐔𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐬 📆

Our Personality and Improving Quality of Life Series will kick off next month! This life-changing series of workshops will not only change how you view yourself, but will dramatically improve your relationships and interactions with other people✨

More details about each workshop will be posted on our page. If you would like to stand a chance to win a 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 spot at all 6 workshops in this series, follow these steps:

𝟏. Share this post.

𝟐. Like the Inner Warrior page.

𝟑. Tag 2 friends on this post who would be interested in these workshops.

For more information about these workshops or if you would like to book your spot, feel free to contact us:

📞 - 0719903628
✉️ - morne@innerwarrior.co.za

We hope to see you on the 18th of February as we kick the series off with understanding the different personalities in our unique and easy-to-understand system!

02/01/2023

𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 - Get 30% off on 6 different workshops 🎉

The Inner Warrior Personality and Improving Quality of Life Series will kick off in February. Sign up before the 9th of January and get a 30% discount on this life-changing series!

𝟏𝟖 𝐅𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 – Understanding Different Personalities

𝟐𝟓 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 – How Different Personalities Deal With Stress, Conflict and Feeling Overwhelmed

𝟐𝟎 𝐌𝐚𝐲 – Understanding The Personalities of Children and How To Bring Out The Best In Them

𝟐𝟗 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐲 – How To Develop Your Personality and Reach Your Full Potential

𝟑𝟎 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 – How To Find Fulfilment In Your Relationships and Improve Your Connection

𝟒 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 – What Your Dreams and Sleep Patterns Are Trying To Communicate To You

For more information, visit the link below:

https://www.innerwarrior.co.za/service-page/new-year-new-me-special?referral=service_list_widget

All workshops will be hosted in Centurion, Pretoria.

29/11/2021

𝗦𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 ✋🏼❌

If someone gets upset because you set boundaries, it's just more evidence that the boundary is needed. It's our own responsibility to protect our priorities, values, time, energy, and health. A healthy relationship dynamic consists of mutual respect for each other's boundaries, needs, and wants.

Among other things, setting healthy boundaries allows you to:

• Maintain high self-esteem and self-respect.

• Protect your physical and emotional space from intrusion.

• Protect your time and energy from being hijacked by others.

• Honour your own needs and wants by being able to truthfully say yes or no.

Setting boundaries isn’t always comfortable and people may push back if you do so. They may try to test your limits, to see just how serious you are about drawing the line. Or they may be so used to you responding in a certain way (for example agreeing on everything), that they may push back when you try to make some changes. This may especially be the case if the person benefits from the lack of boundaries.

When setting stricter boundaries, understand that you need to be clear and consistent with your boundaries until people adjust to them. There may be some pushback in the beginning. If you decide to set a boundary, stick to it! Inconsistency will cause complications, such as people losing respect for you and your boundaries.

Examples of setting boundaries:

"I would love to help you with your project, but I am already overcommitted.”

“I won't be able to do that, but what I can do is…”

“Thank you for the invitation, but I need some time for myself tonight.”

“I check my e-mails between 09:00 – 17:00, I will respond to you then.”

“This is not something I would like to discuss, can we please talk about something else?”

"I really need my perspective validated before I can continue."

“I am not comfortable with that, if you do it again I will have to leave.”

𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗲: If you are dealing with someone who is physically dangerous or threatening to you, it may not be safe to attempt to set explicit boundaries with them. If you are in this situation, I recommend seeking the advice of a counsellor, therapist, or another professional to assess the situation and assist you with addressing the situation.

25/10/2021

𝗣𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🧠💭

Projection is a defence mechanism that people subconsciously use to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Instead of dealing with these issues within themselves, they deny its existence and seek to project it onto other people.

This is a broad topic, but here is an example of projection in action:

Jennifer is struggling to keep her life together, she is behind on her work schedule and she doesn't have a good administrative system, so a lot of her important tasks simply don't get done. Her boss and co-workers have been putting a lot of pressure on her to catch up, but she is subconsciously worrying that she won't be able to. Because of this, she feels irresponsible and unreliable but she keeps this to herself and does not accept it as a reality.

Around the same time, she enters into a relationship with James, who is generally much more organized and responsible than she is. After working hard all week, James decides to meet up with some of his friends. After telling Jennifer this, she recalls that James recently told her that he has a lot of work to do. She then argues that spending time with his friends is irresponsible and unreliable and that he should focus on the things that matter, she uses the memory of James saying that he has a lot of work to do to support her argument.

Initially, James argued back and resisted the accusations, stating "how does taking time off to rest make me irresponsible and unreliable? The work I spoke of was work I have to do at the office, not over the weekend..." But it was to no avail, the argument would go around in circles until James eventually compromises by telling his friends that he can't spend time with them. This whole situation was not about James at all, it was Jennifer projecting her own feelings of irresponsibility onto James and using him as a scapegoat for the feelings that she's denying within herself.

After this happened, Jennifer still has not addressed or admitted her own irresponsibility, so she keeps looking for signs of irresponsibility in James. Anything as simple as leaving a cup on the table after finishing his coffee, or going slightly over the speed limit, is used as ammunition for her projection. As time carries on, Jennifer eventually decides to break up with him because she can't deal with how irresponsible he is.

This is a basic example of psychological projection in action. Keep in mind that this example only covers one aspect of psychological projection and it has many more sides to it.

Another side of psychological projection is when we project our own biases, opinions, and beliefs onto others. A common example is when someone has an issue with a particular person, and they then try to get others to agree with them and convince them that they have those issues as well. This works better with certain people than others, and they will generally avoid and grow distant with the people who don't accept their projections.

Open, honest communication is the best way to cut through the veil of projection. This is one of the reasons why you need honest people in your inner circle that you can trust. They should reflect the honest truth back to you, and you can use that to cut through the manipulation and projection. Sometimes they will confirm these accusations, and then it's up to you to address these issues.

"A true friend isn't the one who only tells you what you want to hear, but it is the one who speaks the truth and tells you what you need to know." - Brenda Lee Sanders

01/07/2021

See your internal world as your internal kingdom 🏞 and your mind as the ruler 👑 The state of the ruler determines the state of the kingdom.

There are times when we have to protect our internal kingdom from invaders that want to destroy it. These “invaders” are our inner demons, which include things like self-doubt, insecurities, fears, unworthiness, and other internal issues. Every now and then, these inner demons will take up arms and storm the fortress of your mind in an attempt to conquer it. When this happens, you must awaken your inner warrior and rise to defend your internal kingdom ⚔️

When you decide to confront your inner demons on the battlefield of the mind, it’s important that you do so with a brave heart and that you have a strong, positive, and resolute spirit. Otherwise, you will not be able to defeat them.

Even if an army of thousands of inner demons rise up and storm the fortress of your mind, they will not be able to stand before you if the light of your being shines brightly. They will lose their power, and their grip over you will be weakened. However, if you gaze upon them with a faint heart and a weak spirit, your inner demons will gain strength and increase in power. They will defeat you, and invade the fortress of your mind. Once there, they will dethrone you and take over control of your internal kingdom. With them in control as the rulers, they will corrupt your kingdom and create hell within you 🌋

Because of this, we must develop internal strength and arm our minds with the power to defend our internal kingdom. If you have already lost the battle and they have dethroned you, then it’s time to start a revolution! Gather your strength, find your courage, and arm yourself to reclaim control of your kingdom! It’s time to storm the fortress and dethrone your inner demons and turn your internal kingdom back into a peaceful paradise ✨

30/05/2021

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝘂𝗿 "𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘀" 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 ⚔️

In a nutshell, when talking about our "inner demons" I am referring to our internal issues. When we are trying to confront these issues, they will “defend themselves” in order to "stay alive”. Their methods include manipulating your thoughts, perceptions, emotions and other aspects.

An example would be that when you are trying to change and confront these issues, thoughts like “You’ll never be able to do this, you are too weak!” will start to rise up within your mind 🗯 These thoughts will cause your perceptions to change, and your mind will now start to look for reasons why you can’t do it instead of why you can. This will make the task of achieving your goal seem like an impossible mountain to climb. As a result, your emotional states will become negative. You might feel an increase in anxiety and start to feel irritable, depressed, demotivated, or even angry.

If there is a person that is trying to get you to face your "inner demons", that person is a direct threat to them. So they will use similar tactics to create distance, friction, and resistance between you and that person. They will attempt to influence you so that you make that person the enemy, which will cause you to push that person away. This puts your "inner demons" back in a safe space where their existence is not being threatened. It is crucial to realize when this dynamic is playing out.

These are all tactics to get you to stop confronting your internal issues. If these attempts are successful, you will not experience any real change, and you will remain stuck being your “old self” with the same old issues.

Sometimes, these “inner demons” might take a different approach. They might distort the mind of the individual and make them believe that a noticeable change did occur. This makes them feel that there is no need to confront the issue anymore because it has been “resolved”. However, in some cases, this change is simply the “inner demons” putting on new clothes.

For example, your judgment of others used to manifest as aggressive verbal attacks and criticism. Now, after the “change”, you find that you are no longer doing that, which seems like a win at first. However, you may find that your judgment of others now manifests silently within your mind, which leads to passive-aggressive behaviour and sarcasm. It’s the same issue, just a different manifestation. The actual issue is far from being resolved.

The way of the Inner Warrior is to learn how to stand up against our “inner demons” and conquer them for good. However, if you want to bring permanent change into your life, understand that we cannot defeat the demons we enjoy playing with... ☝🏻

09/02/2021

𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 “𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝘁” 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 🔥

The term "warrior spirit" refers to the part of us that refuses to give up and accept defeat. The part that fights against adversity and stands firm when it feels like the whole world is on our shoulders. It's the part of us that embodies strength, courage, and determination 💪🏽

Strengthening your warrior spirit works similar to strengthening a muscle in your body. If you want to strengthen that particular muscle, you have to exercise it. If you don't, it becomes weaker. As the saying goes "if you don't use it, you lose it." Strengthening your warrior spirit works on the same principle.

Managing your inner dialogue forms an integral part of strengthening your warrior spirit. If you want your warrior spirit to become stronger, you have to feed it with thoughts that will make it stronger 💭 Negative thoughts that feed the feelings of weakness and powerlessness will weaken your warrior spirit. Examples are "I'm so useless" or "I'm too weak; I'll never be able to do this."

It's completely normal to have negative thoughts from time to time. In my previous post, I referred to our mind as our "internal garden" 🍃 and I want to continue with that metaphor to explain this further. Someone with a healthy and powerful warrior spirit takes care of their "internal garden" by removing the "weeds" (negative thoughts) as they arise, where others leave the "weeds" until they've grown so big that they've overrun the entire garden 🥀

When these negative thoughts occur, first take the time to acknowledge their presence with compassion, and then you can focus on managing them. Remember, closing your eyes won't make the monsters go away! There's no point in ignoring those thoughts. Those "weeds" will grow whether you accept them as a reality or not. After doing this you can then choose to feed your warrior spirit with empowering thoughts like "I am a warrior! I will keep fighting until I reach my goals!" or "Warriors don't quit when things get tough, I will see this through! Even if I have to crawl over the finish line!"

𝗪𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲. Think back to everything you had to go through in your life, all the pain, all the scars, blood, sweat, and tears. It was most likely a roller-coaster ride to get to this point in your life.

Now, some of those experiences might have done a considerable amount of damage to you, but they couldn't destroy you. Each scar that you have, whether it's physical or non-physical is a reminder. A reminder that you were stronger than whatever tried to destroy you. 𝗔 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿! There's a vast amount of strength hidden deep inside of you. Your warrior spirit's potential power is incredible, but you have to put in the work to cultivate it.

At this point in your life you might feel battered and bruised after everything that you've been through, but you're still breathing, and as long as you are still breathing, there's still some fight left in you! Decide to honour your warrior spirit and unleash your full potential ✨

02/02/2021

Take a moment and reflect on the following question: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗶𝘀?

See your mind as a garden 🍃 if you plant something in that garden and nourish it, it will eventually grow and “yield fruit”. This "fruit" represents the results that these thoughts and beliefs create in your relationships, career, health and all the other areas of your life. The state of our “internal garden” has a major effect on the state of our lives and how we experience it.

If we take an athlete as an example, in order to become a champion, you have to have certain “fruit” that will be created by certain “plants”. If becoming a champion is your goal, you need to nurture the plants within your internal garden that is in line with that goal 🌱 In this example, the "plants" include discipline, confidence, a healthy lifestyle, a positive attitude etc. Nurturing these “plants” on a consistent basis will eventually create “fruit” 🍊 like having a healthy and capable physical body for example. If you don’t nurture those plants until they yield fruit, that goal will be out of reach for you. A person with an unkempt internal garden that’s overrun by weeds will find it near impossible to reach that goal 🥀

If you want a different life, then you have to change the "fruit", and in order to change the “fruit”, you have to change the “plants” that are creating them. You can’t plant an apple tree and expect pears. If you have an apple tree 🍎 but you want pears instead 🍐 then you have to plant and nurture a pear tree. The concept of the “internal garden” works the same, certain goals (fruits) require certain "plants".

Think about the goals that you want to achieve and ask yourself, “𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 "𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀" 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 “𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗻” 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆?”

Are your daily habits, routines, thoughts, beliefs etc. in line with those goals? Are you nurturing the right “plants” that will produce the right “fruit” in order to create the life that you desire? Many of us expect a certain outcome, but if we’re honest with ourselves and take a look at the state of our internal garden, then it’s no wonder that we can’t achieve our desired outcome...

If you want change, don’t start by focusing on changing the external things. This is like trying to force an apple tree to create pears. Instead, turn your focus inward and start by changing the state of your internal garden. Given enough time, these internal changes will eventually “bear fruit” and affect everything in your external reality. Remember, plants don’t grow fully and yield fruit overnight. It takes time, so be patient and make a commitment to nurture your desired plants every single day! 🌱🌿🌳

18/12/2020

🔟 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽:

Cutting someone out of your life may seem harsh and insensitive, especially if there’s a strong emotional bond. But if a relationship has got a negative effect on your health, sanity, and well-being, and all attempts to change it yield no results, then walking away might be the only option left.

Here are 10 behaviours that if unchangeable, could indicate that it's time to let go and move on:

1. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗱𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 - You feel trapped, controlled, and unable to be your authentic self. This form of control can also be subtle and passive, for example, a person who tries to keep you dependent on them so that they can have power over you.

2. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 - Perhaps you struggle to trust this person because they have lied to you many times in the past. Keep in mind that lying can also be passive. An example of this is deliberately withholding important information or details that you needed to know. The bottom line is that this person has repeatedly broken your trust and chooses not to be transparent with you.

3. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 - The other person doesn’t seem to value your relationship/friendship. For example, they keep forgetting about dates and arrangements, and they consistently put other people and commitments above you. If you’ve discussed this issue with them and they still treat you like you're not a priority, then it’s clear that the relationship is one-sided. While being busy is a normal part of life, this person doesn’t seem to have any time on their schedule for you at all.

4. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 - In this case, it might appear that your friend, partner or family member has “the best intentions for you,” but actually, they don’t. This controlling and limiting behaviour is a sign that they are scared, scared of what might happen if they don't limit and control you. They don’t want you to change and reach your full potential, because that will make them feel left behind and inferior. They don’t want to see you happy, for that will reflect their own unhappiness. They don’t want you to take risks and live life to its fullest, because that will force them to reconsider their own life choices. As a result, you might feel like you have to dim your own light in order to blend in.

5. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 - You’ve tried being your authentic self around this person, but you’ve been met with coldness, criticism, or judgment. As a result, you may have resorted to hiding behind a mask instead, pretending to be someone that you’re not. You might even realize that you have forgotten who you truly are. Upon deeper reflection, you might become aware of a deep sense of resentment because of having to give up your authentic self for the other person.

6. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗱 - The other person shows little to no interest in your thoughts, needs, and desires. Even when you try to express them, they seem uninterested or they might not even listen at all. Life seems to revolve around them and whenever you try to draw a conversation towards yourself, this person will try to bring the focus back to them. They might even make decisions without taking your feelings and desires into consideration. You may have spoken to the person about this in the past, but nothing has changed. This person has a “me first, you second” attitude.

7. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 - No matter what you do or say, this person is always negative and unhappy. They might criticize, judge, and complain about things all the time. They are rarely in the mood to be adventurous and fun, and they tend to spoil the fun for others. You always seem to go away feeling miserable after spending time with this person. You might even begin to realize that the constant negativity is starting to rub off on you. Although it's quite normal to dip into a negative space from time to time, this seems to be a chronic state for this person.

8. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 - Being with this person changes you into a negative version of yourself. This might affect your relationships with other people, and even the relationship with yourself. Upon deeper self-reflection, you might realize that you don't like who you've become.

9. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘆 - You feel smothered by this person, there is little to no respect for your boundaries and they don’t give you space. This person seems to constantly demand attention, pampering, affection, help, and favours from you. Perhaps you’ve tried encouraging this person to stand on their own two feet, but it seems as if that’s never going to happen.

10. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 - Any form of abuse is a serious issue. Keep in mind that abuse isn't always physical, it can be verbal, emotional, and psychological too. If a person breaks down your self-worth and confidence, controls you and takes away your freedom, shows you little to no respect, causes you physical or emotional harm, manipulates you etc. It should be taken very seriously. If you want to walk away and the situation is volatile and dangerous, please seek help and support before taking any actions.

‼️ Keep in mind that as much as we would like to simply cut people out of our lives if they are causing us trouble, it should be the last resort, unless of course, the situation is severe. The first step should be to try and work through the issues and bring healing to the relationship. But if this doesn't work and the relationship remains unhealthy with no change, then it might be time to consider bringing the relationship to an end.

We must also be careful not to use the act of cutting people out of our lives as an excuse to run away from confronting our own issues. Things like our own unresolved wounds, fears, and negative beliefs are revealed to us in our close relationships. These issues come to the surface and affect the dynamic of the relationship, and if we don't deal with them, we might be able to leave the discomfort of the current relationship, but those unresolved issues will simply follow us to the next one and recreate a similar dynamic. So before you decide to walk away, think deeply about the reason for wanting to do so. Are you simply running away from your own unresolved issues that are being revealed in this relationship dynamic?

If you have already spoken to the person about these issues, and they have expressed their sincere willingness to change and heal (not empty words to try and manipulate you), you then have to keep in mind that it’s difficult to change and that it will take time, so your love, support, and understanding will go a long way. This doesn’t mean that you have to be their doormat and excuse their negative behaviour, not at all. It simply means that reinventing yourself doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a process that will take time and effort. Whether or not you are going to stick around for that is your personal decision. As long as the person is trying hard and putting in the effort, there’s hope. As the saying goes, “Don’t rehash a person's past mistakes when they are trying to change. That's like throwing rocks at them while they are struggling to climb a mountain.”

I hope that this post helps you to bring about the necessary changes that are needed to either repair your relationships, or to remove unsalvageable toxic relationships from your life 🙏🏻 and please know that feelings like anxiety, shame, and grief are all normal reactions when you decide to walk away.

Being in an unchanging toxic relationship can be compared to standing on broken glass. If you stay there, you will continue to experience pain as the glass keeps cutting you open. But if you decide to walk away, it doesn't mean that it will be painless, you will experience pain as you walk through the sharp pieces of glass on your way out. But after you've walked out, there's no more broken glass that's constantly cutting you, so the wounds can now finally heal ✨