13/06/2022
This is what I wrote in my journal on the 20th of April 2020 and it was brought to my attention today as I was channelling for a client. This may help give some clarity relating to the energy at the moment.
'A weariness sits in my body and a sensation of heaviness presses down on my head and shoulders. I keep yawning and feel the need to sleep, but the moment I lie down, my busy mind prevents me from slipping into slumber with ease.
The restlessness I have felt for the last couple of days has abated and now I feel a
bone-numbing exhaustion. Emotionally depleted and raw. Mentally disorientated, unclear,
unstructured, with a vagueness that has seeped into every vestige of my mind.
Trying to hold onto anything and make sense of it all seem utterly beyond my capability right now. So here I sit, listening to music and staring out of my patio door into the garden below. I watch the clouds move in the sky
and right now there seems to be no point to anything. No striving to succeed, no fighting for control, screaming to be heard, strutting around to be seen. It all slips away like a dream would, the moment my body responds to the call of the waking world.
What sits so heavily on me right now? Is it something that needs to be accepted, integrated,
released, understood, dissected, rationalized, or discovered? No, my intuition responds, it is
something to experience. A birthing into an entirely new reality. A moving away from the old, like a baby moving down the birthing canal, you are birthing into the new. The pressure you feel, is the pulling away, the disconnecting from the old perceptions, hierarchies, and outdated patriarchal structures. Pressure that forces you into contraction, into self-reflection, introspection, and self-awareness. The path to breaking open every part of yourself, becoming receptive to your awareness and growth in
consciousness.
As you sink into yourself, noticing the magnifying glass clearly showing you everything that needs to be left behind in the womb of the past, the pressure becomes a gift. A gift
of insight and acceptance, the release of control, perfectionism, the should of and could of’s, guilt, shame, self-criticism, and doubt. The passage to the new is too narrow to take any of this with you.
The time of incubation is behind you and you have started the journey into the new. As old ideas, thoughts, patterns, feeling, emotions, relationships, and friendships are shed, your vision will start to clear. Soon, the vagueness will be replaced by certainty as your heart and mind together bring you to the place of knowing. Your landscape will widen and trusting yourself will become your new
normal.
As you take each step into the new, you will know that self-doubt, playing small, hiding, and silencing your truth is a thing of the past. It will have been left behind in the process of rebirth. Liberated you will dance to the music of your soul, while singing your song into the world. There is no need to rush, panic, force, or push. For now, relax into the pressure and breathe.'
