28/03/2024
Did you know that virtually everything a child does is a choice?
From having a tantrum, to not wanting to eat his food, to not putting things away...
Parents often ask me at what age children begin making choices.
I explain that when a 10-month-old baby cries because he wants to be picked up and stops crying after being picked up, he has made a choice.
Toddlers and infants are not able to verbalise, but they do understand a lot more than we give them credit for.
Children learn how to make choices from their caregivers.
Most people parent in a manner based on their own childhood experiences, often putting their brains onto autopilot when dealing with their children. This inevitably results in parents doing or saying things that were done or said to them when they were children.
In this modern day of technology and social media, parents have lost the ability to maintain their authority and effectively manage and discipline their children.
As adults, we tend to become aware of our parents’ shortcomings when they were raising us. Seldom did they take responsibility for any of our self-esteem issues or other types of hang-ups we might have developed along the way.
As the key role player in your children’s lives, you need to understand how reliant your children are on you.
As infants, children are totally dependent on their parents and caregivers, and as they grow up, they should naturally become increasingly less dependent.
Yet it is important to understand that children can only become independent when they are allowed to make their own choices and take the pre-empted consequences for the choices that they make.
They need to be exposed to the bigger world.
This could be done from an early age when you need to buy bread or milk from a local shop. You can accompany your young child into the shop, give them enough money to purchase bread and milk, and then direct them to where the bread and milk shelves are. You can step back and allow them to stand in the queue and pay for the items. A child as young as three can choose milk and bread and stand in a queue and pay for the items from cash that you gave him, while you observe from the back of the shop.
The chances of anything unforeseen happening to her are very slight, but, by encouraging her to do these tasks, she is being exposed to the bigger world independently without mommy and daddy always being on hand.
This simple act encourages independence in your child and once they’ve made the purchase they feel chuffed that they were able to do this task without mom or dad helping them.
Another example is when it’s time to purchase stationery for school. You 6-year-old accompanies you to the stationery shop. You give him the list containing the items to be purchased, with a shopping basket, and direct him to the assistant who will help him find all the required items which he then places in the shopping basket.
You stand a fair distance away while he goes about his shopping and when he has everything required he comes back to you and you pay for all the items that he’s purchased.
Simple things that will make a huge difference in your child!
For more understanding, ideas & examples, contact us!
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