Sarah Silber Educational Psychologist

28/08/2025

21/08/2025

There is Power in Pausing!

When you pause when you are upset, angry, and not grounded, you shift your focus away from your emotions, become centered, and more able to respond to your child instead of overreacting.

There is Power in Pausing which, when practiced reveals to you in a conscious way what you are thinking and what you’re saying. You get to step back and see yourself in a whole new way.

And because pausing is mindfulness in action, you are also modeling for your child the value of pausing.

By taking a step back you’re able to observe yourself which will allow you to “see” your behavior and actions and in doing so, will help you know what you need to change in yourself.

Pausing is an important step in developing your self-awareness and in personal growth.

You become aware of the effects of your actions and words which will help you to be intentional about the words you say to your child as well as your body gestures and facial expressions especially when you are angry, frustrated or disappointed. You’ll be more mindful about your own self. This is a huge part of the work of parenting!

When you do the work, you will build a deeper connection with yourself and a stronger bond with your child.

I’d love to know if you practice pausing and if it is hard or does it come naturally to you? Let’s comment and share!

There’s more about the power of pausing in my new book - The Little Book of Parenting!
To order your copy see link in bio.

Send this to a friend who needs to hear this!

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Quote: Toby Mae / adapted

28/07/2025

After three meaningful years at Spira Aurum Psychology Practice, I’ve recently taken a big (and slightly scary!) step into private practice.

It’s the start of a new chapter, one that’s full of possibility, a little uncertainty, and a lot of excitement. I’ll continue doing the work I love most: offering therapy and psychoeducational assessments for children, teens, and young adults, with a particular interest in supporting neurodivergent individuals and their families.

I’m based in Somerset West, and my new website is live if you’d like to learn more: https://sarahsilber.co.za

Thank you to those who’ve walked alongside me so far. I’m really looking forward to this next season. 💛

19/07/2025

When someone in your house is Autistic - I love this beautiful and simple guide by NeuroWild ❤️

02/06/2025

I can’t tell you how often this comes up in my work…
“But isn’t that a bit unfair to the other kids?”

Here’s the thing: accommodations aren’t special treatment. They’re support. Like giving a child with a broken leg crutches so they can still run the race. You wouldn’t say the crutches are an unfair advantage, you’d say they’re necessary.

In the same way, accommodations remove barriers so a child can show what they’re actually capable of. Not less than, not more than, just equal footing.

Extra time, movement breaks, a scribe… these aren’t about lowering the bar. They’re about making sure the bar is reachable!

Every child deserves a fair chance to succeed. Especially the ones whose brains work a little differently. 💛

05/03/2025

I love using this brain model in therapy because it helps kids see what’s happening when they feel anxious. I tell them, “Your brain has two bosses: the wise thinker and the overprotective bodyguard.”

The prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) makes smart choices, but the amygdala (alarm system) is like a bodyguard who sometimes panics over nothing—like mistaking a popped balloon for danger! When that happens, it hijacks the whole brain, making it hard to think clearly.

I teach kids ways to calm their bodyguard down—like breathing exercises or movement—so their thinking brain can take charge again. It’s not about getting rid of anxiety, but learning how to work with their brain, not against it!

02/03/2025

This is such an important reminder. Pushing a child—especially a neurodivergent child—into distressing situations doesn’t build resilience, it builds trauma.

Growth happens in safety, in connection, in environments where a child feels supported rather than overwhelmed. Exposure is only helpful when it is paired with co-regulation and a genuine sense of security.

If a situation feels distressing to a child, it is distressing. Our job is not to force them to endure discomfort but to help them navigate challenges in a way that respects their nervous system and emotional well-being.

Let’s reframe resilience—not as the ability to tolerate suffering, but as the confidence that comes from knowing we are supported, understood, and safe.

Hard no on this.

Exposing autistic people to distressing or overwhelming situations repeatedly does not help us get better at being in them. It just gives us trauma to carry.

It wears away our mental energy, it builds anxiety, it fractures relationships, it significantly impacts our mental health.

Would you practice putting your hand into boiling water so you could learn to get used to it?

It doesn’t matter if the adult thinks it’s a big deal or not. If we are distressed or overwhelmed, the situation is distressing or overwhelming.

Don’t leave us to ‘get used to’ it. We’re not getting used to it, we’re just practicing pushing our distress deep, deep down.

Our distress is not gone. It accumulates. And it will come out one way or another.

Em 🌈

12/02/2025

This post is a brilliant reminder that the eye rolls, slammed doors, and mood swings aren’t about you, they’re about development. Stay steady, stay present, and keep breathing (deeply!). 💛

UNDERSTANDING YOUR TEEN: It's Not Personal, It's Neurological! 🧠

Yesterday I was asked by the dad of a teen girl for some ‘What the heck?!’ guidance. 🤯 If you feel like you’re navigating the trenches too, here’s some reminders:

Maybe you're reading this while hiding in your bathroom from your eye-rolling, door-slamming teen… take a deep breath. That surge of emotions you're feeling? Your teen is feeling it too - except their brain is literally under construction right now. ⚒️

Think of your teen's brain as a house undergoing major renovations. The workers are in there rewiring systems, tearing down walls, and building new connections. Would you expect perfect functionality during such an extensive remodel? Of course not! Yet we often expect our teens to navigate complex emotions and make sound decisions while their neural architecture is getting a complete overhaul. 🏠

Here's What's Really Going On:

Your sweet child who used to share everything with you now responds with "whatever" and retreats to their room? That's not attitude - that's development. During adolescence, the brain goes through a necessary process of pushing away from parents to develop independence. It's not personal (I know it feels that way), but it's actually right on schedule developmentally. 🧠

When your teen can't seem to regulate their emotions and goes from sunshine to thunderstorm in 2.5 seconds? ☀️ ⛈️ Their prefrontal cortex - the brain's rational thinking and emotional regulation centre - is still under construction. This renovation won't be complete until their mid-twenties. Yes, you read that right - mid-twenties! 😳

So What Can You Do?

1. Be Their Calm
When your teen is in emotional chaos, they need you to be their lighthouse - steady, consistent, and calm. Remember, a calm brain helps calm an uncalm brain. Your regulated presence helps their brain develop regulation skills. 🧘‍♀️

2. Hold Space, Not Lectures
When your teen is having a meltdown about something that seems trivial to you (like not being invited to a party), resist the urge to minimize their feelings or jump into problem-solving mode. Sometimes they just need you to sit with them in that hard space and validate their emotions. Key words here: Zip it! 🤐

3. Keep Showing Up
Even when they push you away (especially when they push you away), keep showing up. Your teen may act like they don't need you, but they do - just differently than before. Be there, be consistent, be patient. 🫶🏽

The Hard Truth:

Some days you're going to be the emotional punching bag. 🥊 On those days, remember - your teen is punching where they feel safe. They're showing you their worst because they trust you'll still love them at their messiest. Your job at those times is to prove them right.

The Silver Lining:

This phase doesn't last forever (I promise!). Every time you respond with patience instead of reaction, every time you stay calm in their emotional storm, you're helping build the neural pathways they'll need for future resilience. 🌈

Important reminders to maintain sanity:
- Your teen's behaviour isn't a reflection of your parenting
- Their push for independence isn't rejection
- Their emotional turbulence isn't permanent 🌪️

You haven't lost your child - they're just remodelling. Your job isn't to fix them or change them (read that again!), but to be their safe harbour while they figure out who they're becoming. Stay steady, stay present, and keep breathing (lots and LOTS of breathing!). 🧘

On those really rough days, remember that somewhere inside that moody teenager is still your child. A child who needs you. Not your judgement, criticism or nagging. You. There. Arms ready. This season, like all of them, won’t last forever, and one day, you just might be wishing it back…

One last thing- the teens I work with are some of THE most phenomenal human beings I know. Even on those days you just CAN’T see it, try really, really hard to find the awesomeness within them. It’s absolutely there. 🙌🏽 You may just need a few more of those extra deep breaths and some alone bathroom time to remember it. 😉

With love
Naomi ❤️

10/02/2025

When kids hit a wall, whether it’s a school assignment, a new skill, or speaking in front of a group, you might hear, “I can’t do it.” What they’re really saying is, “This feels too hard, and I don’t know where to start.”

Here’s how you can gently help them through that moment.

✨ Try This:

1️⃣ Acknowledge their feelings:

Instead of: “It’s not a big deal.”
Try: “I get it—this feels tough. Let’s figure it out together.”

2️⃣ Take it step by step:

Big tasks feel overwhelming. Breaking it down into smaller steps makes it manageable. “Let’s just do the first part, and then see what happens.”

3️⃣ Remind them of past wins:

“Remember when you didn’t think you could finish that project, and you did? You’ve got this.”

4️⃣ Use the power of “yet”:

“You might not be able to do it yet, but you’re learning—and that’s what matters.”

5️⃣ Show them you understand:

“Even grown-ups feel like this sometimes. What’s important is that we try. Let’s work through it together.”

🌈 These moments are opportunities to show them that effort, not perfection, is the goal, and that they can handle hard things.

29/01/2025

What Adult ADHD Feels Like (and Why You’re Not Alone)

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh wow, this is me,” you’re not alone. Living with unmanaged ADHD as an adult can feel like you’re constantly spinning plates, restless, overwhelmed, and struggling to keep track of it all. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

Here are some things that might feel familiar:

Big emotions all the time 🎭: Whether it’s excitement or frustration, it’s hard to keep them from spilling over.
Restlessness 🌀: Sitting still feels impossible, even when you really want to relax.
Unfinished projects everywhere 📂: You start with so much excitement, but somewhere along the way, the momentum fizzles out.
Time just slips away ⏳: You look at the clock and think, “Wait… how is it already this late?”
Impulsive decisions 💸: Whether it’s a shopping spree or a sudden new hobby, it happens before you even realise it.
Always fidgeting 🤹: Tapping, moving, or needing to do something with your hands, it’s like your body is always on the go.

If this resonates, it’s not because you’re lazy or disorganised. ADHD is just a difference in the way your brain is wired, and while it can feel overwhelming, there’s hope. Therapy, coaching, and even small changes, like breaking tasks into steps or using visual reminders, can make a huge difference.

The most important thing? Be kind to yourself. You’re not failing. You’re just working with a brain that moves differently, and with the right support, you can absolutely thrive. Take it one step at a time, you’ve got this. 💛

27/01/2025

🌟 The Unofficial Autism Checklist: Traits You Might Relate To 🌟

Samantha Craft’s Unofficial Autism Checklist has helped so many people, especially women and girls, recognise traits of autism that often go unnoticed. It goes beyond the common stereotypes and celebrates the diverse, nuanced ways autism can show up.

✨ Did you know? Traits like intense empathy, hyperfocus on special interests, sensory sensitivities, or a deep connection with animals are often part of the autistic experience. Many people see themselves for the first time in this list, and it’s such a powerful moment of self-discovery!

💛 Why it matters: Understanding these traits isn’t about labels—it’s about finding clarity, self-compassion, and support to thrive.

📩 If you think this resonates with you or someone you love, let’s connect. I offer assessments and guidance to help you better understand and support yourself or your child.

⚠️ Disclaimer:
This checklist is a guide, not a diagnostic tool. If you recognise these traits in yourself or someone else, a formal assessment with a qualified professional is the best next step.