Francois Esterhuizen

Francois Esterhuizen Marriage counselling and life coaching. Skills, tips and training for better relationships.

29/05/2026

Your relationship with time is your relationship with life itself.

The more clearly you see how you are engaging with it, whether you are clinging to the past, craving the future, or cherishing the present, the more clearly you will see yourself.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













27/05/2026

Notice how rarely our wandering minds take us to joy or love or freedom.

Most of the time, it drags us into some form of regret or anxiety.

This fear we have about the present moment, whether it's some form of regret or some form of anxiety, becomes most visible in our closest relationships with the people we love the most.

Our attention often drifts the quickest.

Instead of being fully present, we are haunted by embarrassment from the past or worries about the future.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













25/05/2026

Because the present is so intimate and so powerful, it often scares us.

We avoid it.

We escape into the past or project ourselves into the future.

We feel the discomfort of simply being here, and we try to think our way out of it.

Maybe we get pulled back into a difficult moment early in the day, replaying where we stumbled, where we dropped the ball, or where we did not show up the way we wanted to.

Or we jump into the future, imagining the pressures, the deadlines, or the moments that we might fail, or even fail again.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













22/05/2026

We feel a sense of failure because we are not doing enough, or resentment because the work we do feels empty or even hateful at times.

So once again, time shows us what is really going on.

We are caught in a struggle, split between two worlds, unable to settle into the one place where life is actually happening: the present.

So the question is: how do you relate to time right now?

Do you meet it with intimacy, or do you resist it with distraction?

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













20/05/2026

If you assume success will isolate you from your friends because suddenly you are in a different role or income bracket, you might stay small to stay connected.

If you assume talking about your accomplishments means you are arrogant, you won't say it. You'll downplay your accomplishments because you don't want that label.

If you assume conflict will destroy your relationship, you avoid important and necessary conversations because you don't want to start a fight.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













18/05/2026

We live according to certain definitions, but we are often not aware of those definitions.

We never put them into words.

If you want to know what you believe, look at what you are doing.

Look at the way you behave and explore that.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za












15/05/2026

Your brain reacts to the meaning that you assign, not to the reality of the situation.

Meaning is personal and often emotional.

It's not a logical thing. It's automatic.

Before responding, it's always worth asking yourself the question, "What meaning am I giving this event, opportunity, situation, emotion, need, reaction"?

Find out more: getclarity.co.za













13/05/2026

A common myth says that emotional healing is the same as healing from a physical wound.

But emotional healing is not like physical healing because there's no real wound.

When you're physically hurt, there's a visible injury.

When your arm's broken, there's a broken bone that needs to heal.

But emotional wounding does not exist and cannot be sustained without your imagination being involved.

You sustain it by revisiting and replaying the movie again and again.

Then you tell yourself: this is where I come from, this happened to me, so because of this, this is who I am.

Stuck.
Fixed.

But are you?

Find out more: getclarity.co.za












There's something in your life right now that you keep circling. You open it. Close it. Think about it. Leave it.You tel...
08/05/2026

There's something in your life right now that you keep circling.

You open it.
Close it.
Think about it.
Leave it.

You tell yourself you'll take it seriously when you're better at it.
When you've got more time.
When you feel more ready.

Then you look at someone who's already doing it well and it reinforces the story. "They've got something I don't."

But you're not comparing beginnings.

You're comparing your hesitation to their consistency.

What you're seeing is the result of repetition.

Not talent.
Not some hidden advantage.
Just someone who kept showing up long enough to get past the awkward stage.

You're trying to skip that part. And that's the part that builds everything.

You don't become good and then start.

You start, and you get good over time.

Identity doesn't change when you get the result.

It changes while you're in the process.

So don't ask yourself if you're ready.

Ask yourself if you're willing to keep going while you're still not.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za












06/05/2026

Officially quit. Say, "I quit. I'm not doing this anymore."

Why? Because
- The why is not big enough.
- The why is not powerful enough.
- The why doesn't serve me.
- The why doesn't align with who I am or what I want in life.

Another thing to look out for is to focus on the things that you can control.

Let's say your why is healthy and powerful enough, but you find yourself gradually withdrawing from this thing.

Not officially quitting, but definitely fading out.

Focus on what you actually can control.

You can control the effort that you put into it.

You can control the feedback you give yourself.

You can control trying again.

Find out more: getclarity.co.za












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