Francois Esterhuizen

Francois Esterhuizen Marriage counselling and life coaching. Skills, tips and training for better relationships.

21/11/2025

The way you watch rugby says a lot about your personal growth needs.

Some people shout at the ref because they are fighting for control. It is not really about the call on the screen. It is about the part of them that feels powerless in their own life. The game becomes the safest place to release what they never say out loud.

Some people sit in silence, jaw tight, holding every emotion in their body. They look calm, but they are carrying tension they do not know how to express. This is emotional suppression disguised as composure. Their growth edge is learning to feel without bracing.

Some become the couch coach. They know exactly what the Springboks should do, but struggle to make clear decisions in their own life. It is easier to analyse someone else’s pressure than face their own. Their work is to move from observing to acting.

And then there are the ones who show up for the vibe. Great energy, great company, but not really present. They avoid intensity and commitment. Their growth edge is engagement. To actually choose something fully instead of hovering on the edges of everything.

Rugby reveals more than the score. It reveals how people cope, avoid, defend, and connect. It shows you where someone is growing and where they are still protecting themselves.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

20/11/2025

Burnout isn’t caused by doing too much.
It’s caused by losing your sense of control.

Most people think burnout is about long hours, big workloads, or not taking enough bubble baths. It isn’t.
Burnout begins the moment life starts happening to you instead of because of you.

You stop choosing and start reacting.
You say yes before you think.
You rush because everything feels urgent.
You carry responsibilities that were never yours.
And slowly, your days stop feeling like your own.

That loss of agency is what exhausts you, not the effort itself.
Your body can handle hard work. What it cannot handle is feeling powerless inside it.

To prevent burnout, you have to reclaim what you quietly handed over.
Your attention.
Your boundaries.
Your pace.
Your priorities.

When you start choosing again instead of absorbing everything, your system settles.
Control returns.
Capacity returns.
And the burnout you thought was about workload turns out to be about ownership.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

19/11/2025

Trust is not something another person earns.
Trust is something you give.

And that means the work is not about finding the perfect, predictable, mistake-proof human.
It is about understanding how you trust and why you trust, so that you can give trust from a grounded place instead of a fearful one.

Most people think trust gets rebuilt from the outside in.
Someone hurts you, so now you wait for the next person to prove themselves worthy.
But that keeps you powerless.
It makes your healing dependent on someone else’s behaviour.

Real trust begins inside you.
It starts when you can say,
I trust my ability to notice what feels off.
I trust my ability to speak up.
I trust my ability to walk away if something is not healthy.

When you trust yourself, giving trust to someone else stops feeling like a risk.
It becomes a conscious choice.
Not a gamble.
Not a blind leap.
Just clarity.

Trust is not rebuilt by testing other people.
It is rebuilt by strengthening your own capacity to choose, to listen to yourself, and to act on what you know.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

18/11/2025

You’ve probably heard that writing down your goals increases your chances of achieving them.
It sounds almost too simple, but there is a real reason it works.

When you write something down, you force clarity.
You can’t write a vague wish. You have to name it.
Putting it on paper turns an idea into something you can actually see and measure.
Most people never achieve their goals because they never define them in the first place.

Writing also changes how your brain filters your world.
Once a goal is visible, your attention shifts.
You start noticing opportunities you would have walked past.
You make connections you would have missed.
This isn’t magic. It is focus.

And maybe the most important part is this:
A written goal becomes a quiet contract with yourself.
Not pressure. Not perfection.
Just honesty.
It is much harder to lie to yourself about what you want when it is staring back at you.

You don’t have to get everything right.
But if you can write it down, you’ve already stepped out of wishing and into intention.
That small shift is where real momentum starts.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

17/11/2025

Stress doesn’t overwhelm you because the emotion is too big.
It overwhelms you because your attention is everywhere at once.

You’re trying to feel better while your mind is sprinting into ten possible futures, five imagined disasters, and a full identity crisis you cooked up in under four seconds.
No wonder you freeze.

Stress is not the enemy.
Your scattered attention is.

You cannot regulate an emotion you’re not actually present for.
You cannot calm a mind that is playing every scenario except the one you’re in.

So instead of asking, “How do I stop feeling stressed?”, try asking,
“What am I giving my attention to right now?”

Bring it back to this moment.
One task.
One decision.
One responsibility you can do, notice or adjust.

This is how stress becomes manageable.
Not by controlling every emotion, but by directing your attention with intention.

Free your potential. Visit getclarity.co.za to get started.

14/11/2025

In this episode of Fresh Perspective, we explore a powerful shift in how we handle life’s challenges: are you reacting like a thermometer, or responding like a thermostat? When the world heats up or cools down, do you let it decide your mood and actions, or do you set your own tone from within? Th...

14/11/2025

And yes, we’re linking it to personal growth.
Because why not turn your grid into a therapist.

1. Braai wors if you need to face your issues.
Wors always curls toward the heat. Just like you, darting straight into the drama you swear you’re done with.
Stand over that fire and ask yourself why you love chaos so much.
It’s character development with a crackling soundtrack.

2. Braai chicken if you’re working on patience.
Chicken teaches you discipline.
Too early and you’ll poison your guests.
Too late and it’s a charcoal offering to the ancestors.
This is emotional regulation in meat form.
Master it and you’re basically enlightened.

3. Braai steak if you need to take yourself seriously again.
No one casually braais steak.
Steak demands confidence, timing, and commitment.
You turn that meat once, maybe twice, like someone who finally knows what they want in life.
If you can nail a medium rare, you can probably start acting like an adult.

There you go.
A personal growth journey disguised as a lekker Saturday.

Now go light the fire.
You’ve got healing to do.

13/11/2025

It’s hard to receive love when you believe love is conditional.

If you grew up in a world where love had to be earned, you learned to treat love like a transaction. You behave well, you contribute, you please, you achieve, and in return you receive attention, praise or approval. That becomes the emotional economy you operate in.

So when someone offers love freely, without requiring anything from you, it creates confusion. You feel undeserving. You feel exposed. You feel like you are taking something you did not earn. The discomfort is not proof that you are unworthy. It is proof that your definition of love was shaped in a place where love had terms and conditions.

So what do you do about this?

You start by noticing when you slip into that old pattern of earning. Pay attention to the moments where you want to justify why someone cares for you. Pay attention to when you minimise a compliment or explain it away. That is your old belief trying to stay in control.

Then you practise receiving in small ways.
Let someone help you carry something.
Let someone compliment you without deflecting.
Let someone show care without trying to match it or repay it.

You do not have to start with deep emotional intimacy. Start with tiny moments of allowing.

And finally, you work on updating the belief itself.
Tell yourself the truth you never heard:
Love that must be earned is not love.
Love that must be performed for is not love.
Real love is given freely. Your only job is to receive it.

Over time, as you allow small acts of kindness to land, your nervous system learns that love is no longer a transaction. It becomes something you can relax into, not something you must work for.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

12/11/2025

Procrastination isn’t about time. It’s about emotion.

You don’t delay because you’re lazy or unmotivated. You delay because there’s a feeling you don’t want to face. Starting the thing might make you feel uncertain, inadequate, or afraid of failing. So you do something safer — you scroll, plan, or prepare instead.

That’s the secret behind most procrastination. It’s not doing nothing. It’s doing something else that feels productive enough to calm the guilt. You research, you outline, you make lists, you learn more. It looks like progress, but it’s really protection. You’re not avoiding the task; you’re avoiding the discomfort that comes with doing it.

You tell yourself, “I just need to feel ready.” But readiness is a myth. You don’t find clarity before you start; you build clarity through doing. Every step teaches you what the next one needs.

So next time you catch yourself stalling, pause and ask, “What am I trying not to feel right now?”
Is it fear? Pressure? Self-doubt?
Name the emotion. Because once you see what you’re avoiding, you can stop running from it.

Start small. Do one imperfect action.
It’s not about forcing motivation. It’s about proving to yourself that the feeling can exist and you can still move anyway.

That’s how procrastination loses its power.
Not when you find more discipline, but when you stop trying to protect yourself from your own emotions.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

11/11/2025

Most of us think of potential as something fixed. As if you have a certain amount and your life is just about trying not to waste it.

But potential is not a tank you drain. It’s a horizon.

You grow into one version of yourself, and once you get there, a completely new horizon becomes visible. One you couldn’t have seen from where you started.

The only real limit is the belief that you’ve either arrived or that you’re not capable of going any further.

If you’re in a season where you feel stuck, flat, or unsure about your next step, I’m hosting a live workshop where we’ll unpack what blocks your potential and how to move past it.

We’ll talk about: • Why we plateau and lose momentum • How internal beliefs quietly shape what we think is possible • How to expand your own self-permission to grow

14 November 2025
08:00 to 09:30
Blackhorse Centre, 52 Dorp Street, Stellenbosch
R470

Snacks and drinks provided. Limited space.

Link to register is in my bio.

11/11/2025

Rejection is finding evidence for something you already believe.

It doesn’t start a new story; it confirms an old one. It touches the part of you that already suspects you’re not enough, not wanted, not chosen. That’s why it feels so personal. You’re not just reacting to one person’s no; you’re reacting to everything that no seems to mean about you.

Rejection hurts because it threatens belonging. The brain processes rejection in the same way it processes physical pain, which is why it feels sharp and heavy. To your nervous system, rejection reads as danger, not disappointment. But that reaction isn’t proof that you’re broken. It’s proof that you care.

The mistake we make is treating rejection as evidence instead of information. We think it proves something about our worth, when it only reveals something about fit, timing, or alignment. Sometimes people walk away because they can’t meet you where you are. Sometimes because you’ve outgrown what was.

Rejection doesn’t define you. It refines you.
It shows you where your sense of worth still depends on someone else’s acceptance.
And that’s the part that’s ready to be healed.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

10/11/2025

We equate closeness with pain.

Not because we don’t want connection, but because somewhere along the line, getting close started to cost too much.
Maybe closeness once meant being criticised, abandoned, or controlled.
So now, when someone moves toward you with care, your body remembers the price and starts to protect you.
You pull back. You go quiet. You shut down. Not because you don’t care, but because your nervous system thinks distance equals safety.

The second layer runs even deeper.
If someone gets close enough, they might see the parts of you you’ve worked so hard to hide.
The parts you call too much, too needy, too emotional, or too different.
And if they see those parts, you fear they’ll leave.
So you do it first. You reject yourself before anyone else gets the chance.

This is why intimacy can feel like walking into danger, even when you’re with someone safe.
Your body doesn’t trust that love will stay if you’re fully seen.

But healing begins the moment you start to notice this pattern with compassion instead of shame.
You realise that shutting down isn’t failure. It’s protection.
And protection can be softened when you remind yourself that closeness today isn’t the same as closeness back then.
That you’re not that powerless child or that version of yourself who had to hide.

You can start slowly. Let someone see a little more of you.
Stay present when the urge to withdraw kicks in.
And remind yourself that being known and being safe can now happen at the same time.

Free your potential. Go to getclarity.co.za to get started.

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