Thirusha Mohabir Clinical Psychologist

29/07/2025

Self-Sabotage – Why You Might Be Getting in Your Own Way

Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to our progress isn’t outside us—it’s us.

Self-sabotage can look like procrastinating, doubting yourself, or even turning down good opportunities… and often, it’s not because you’re lazy or weak—it’s because your nervous system is trying to protect you.

💡 What Self-Sabotage Might Look Like:

• Avoiding tasks that matter to you
• Downplaying your strengths
• Starting something… then ghosting your own goals
• Saying yes when you really mean no
• Holding yourself to impossible standards and then quitting

💡 What’s Really Going On?

At its core, self-sabotage is a fear response: → Fear of failure: “If I don’t try, I can’t fail.”
→ Fear of success: “If I succeed, people will expect more.”
→ Fear of rejection: “If I show up fully, they’ll leave.”

It’s a protective pattern… but one that keeps you stuck.

🛠️ Gentle Ways to Break the Pattern:

1️⃣ Notice When & Why You Self-Sabotage
Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I succeed?
Bringing awareness removes shame and brings insight.

2️⃣ Take Tiny, Safe Steps Forward
Big leaps feel scary. Start with small actions that your nervous system can handle.

3️⃣ Challenge the Inner Critic
That voice saying “you can’t” is just a thought—not a fact.
Try replacing it with: “It’s safe to try.”

4️⃣ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Progress builds trust with yourself.
Even showing up imperfectly is a win.

✨ Remember: You’re not broken—you’re adapting.

Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means a part of you is scared. And scared parts can be supported and rewired with compassion.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we begin a new month of gentle mental health insights. 💚

25/07/2025

Don't forget to check out this weeks' blog post...

“You’re too sensitive.”“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”“Stop causing drama.”If this sounds familiar, you might be the black sheep in your family—and no, it’s not in your head. Growing up as the “black sheep” isn’t just about feeling different. It’s about being tr...

21/07/2025

💡 Toxic Shame vs. Healthy Guilt – What’s the Difference?

We all make mistakes—but how we feel about them matters. Guilt and shame are not the same. One helps you grow, the other keeps you stuck.

Understanding the difference can be a powerful step in healing your inner world.

💡 Healthy Guilt:
✅ Says: “I did something wrong.”
→ Helps you take responsibility
→ Encourages empathy and repair
→ Motivates positive change

💡 Toxic Shame:
❌ Says: “There’s something wrong with me.”
→ Feels heavy and isolating
→ Often tied to early life experiences, trauma, or criticism
→ Can lead to anxiety, depression, or people-pleasing

💡 Why It Matters:
When we confuse shame for guilt, we stay stuck in cycles of self-blame.
Guilt says you’re human.
Shame says you’re broken.
Only one is true.

💡 How to Shift from Shame to Self-Compassion:

1️⃣ Separate the Action from the Self
→ “I made a mistake” is very different from “I am a mistake.”

2️⃣ Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
→ Would you say that to someone you love?

3️⃣ Recognize the Origin
→ Ask: “Whose voice is this? Is it mine—or someone else’s judgment I internalized?”

4️⃣ Repair Where You Can
→ Healthy guilt invites growth. Use it as a guide, not a punishment.

✨ Remember: You’re not your worst moment.
You’re worthy of forgiveness—including your own.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we explore Self-Sabotage – Why You Might Be Getting in Your Own Way. 💚

17/07/2025

Don't forget to check out this weeks' post...

14/07/2025

💡 Emotional Boundaries – How to Care Without Carrying Everything

Do you often absorb other people’s pain or feel responsible for how others feel?
That’s a sign your emotional boundaries need attention.

Caring deeply is a strength—but without boundaries, it can lead to emotional burnout, resentment, and a loss of self.

💡 What Are Emotional Boundaries?
They’re the invisible lines that separate your feelings from someone else’s.
They help you stay empathetic without taking on what’s not yours to carry.

💡 Signs Your Emotional Boundaries Need Strengthening:

1️⃣ You feel drained after supporting others.
2️⃣ You feel guilty for saying no—even when you need a break.
3️⃣ You lose touch with your own needs because you’re always prioritizing someone else’s.

💡 How to Set Emotional Boundaries (and Still Be Kind):

1️⃣ Notice When You’re Carrying Too Much
Pause and ask: “Is this mine to hold?”

2️⃣ Respond, Don’t Absorb
Support others without internalizing their pain. You can be present without fixing everything.

3️⃣ Give Without Guilt
It’s okay to say: “I care about you, and I need some time to reset.”
Healthy boundaries build stronger, not weaker, relationships.

✨ Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Boundaries protect your energy, your peace, and your ability to show up with compassion.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we unpack the difference between toxic shame and healthy guilt. 💚

10/07/2025

Don't forget to check out this weeks' blog post...

Some parents provide food, shelter, and education—but may lack the emotional maturity to truly nurture their child’s psychological and emotional needs. If you grew up with a parent who couldn’t regulate their own emotions, dismissed yours, or made you feel responsible for their wellbeing, the ...

07/07/2025

💡 The Comparison Trap – Why Measuring Yourself Against Others Steals Your Joy

Scrolling through social media or watching others succeed can sometimes leave you feeling like you’re behind or not good enough. But comparison is the thief of joy—and it often leaves out the full picture.

💡 Why We Compare:

● We’re wired to assess how we’re doing by looking outward.
● We assume others have it easier, better, or figured out.
●We forget that we’re comparing their highlights to our behind-the-scenes.

💡 The Cost of Comparison:

● Low self-worth and increased anxiety
● Constant pressure to achieve more, look better, or be someone you’re not
● Feeling stuck or resentful, even when your life is going well

💡 How to Break Free from the Comparison Trap:

1️⃣ Notice Your Triggers
Who or what makes you feel “less than”? Mute or unfollow accounts that leave you drained.

2️⃣ Come Back to Your Values
What actually matters to you—not what looks impressive.
Example: “I want peace, not perfection.” “I value authenticity, not performance.”

3️⃣ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Small wins, healing moments, or quiet acts of courage count too.
Keep your focus on your journey—not someone else’s pace.

✨ Remember: You’re not behind. You’re on your own timeline.
Your story isn’t meant to look like anyone else’s—and that’s your power.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we explore emotional boundaries and how to care without carrying everything. 💚

03/07/2025

Don't forget to checkout this weeks' blog post...

In many South African families and relationships, being caring and supportive is celebrated—but sometimes, that support crosses a line. You may find yourself constantly rescuing others, fixing their messes, or sacrificing your own needs. That’s not always love. It might be codependency. 💡 Wha...

30/06/2025

🎈 The Importance of Play & Fun in Mental Health 🎈
As adults, we often dismiss fun as something frivolous or only for children. But play is not a luxury—it’s a powerful tool for emotional and psychological well-being.

💡 Why Fun and Play Matter: Playful moments give your brain a break, spark joy, build connection, and reduce stress. They're essential for mental flexibility and resilience.

💡 Signs You May Need More Play in Your Life:
● You feel emotionally flat or creatively stuck
● You take life very seriously and struggle to relax
● You’ve forgotten what brings you joy outside of responsibilities.

🧠 How to Reintroduce Play into Your Life:
1️⃣ Do Something Just for Fun
Let go of outcomes—play a silly game, doodle, dance in your kitchen, or do a hobby without trying to “be good at it.”

2️⃣ Schedule Joy
Set aside time each week for something lighthearted or spontaneous. It doesn't have to be long—even 10 minutes helps.

3️⃣ Laugh More
Watch a funny video, play with a pet, spend time with people who bring out your silly side.

✨ Remember:
Play reconnects us to the lighter side of being human. It nurtures creativity, restores energy, and reminds us that life isn’t only about surviving—it’s about living.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we kick off a new month of mental health insights. 💚

26/06/2025

Don't forget to check out this weeks' blog post...

You wake up already thinking about what needs to be done. You remember everyone’s appointments, birthdays, and emotional needs. You plan meals, respond to messages, keep the house running, check on relatives, and hold space for your partner, kids, or colleagues. And somehow, you still feel like yo...

23/06/2025

💡 The Invisible Mental Load: Why You’re Tired Even When You’re Not “Doing Much”

Ever felt completely drained at the end of the day—even though nothing major happened? That’s not laziness or poor time management. You might be carrying a mental load—the invisible weight of remembering, organizing, anticipating, and caring that never switches off.

💡 What Is the Mental Load?
It’s the behind-the-scenes cognitive and emotional labor of keeping life running.
You might be:
• Remembering appointments, groceries, birthdays
• Anticipating your family’s or team’s needs
• Managing emotions—yours and others’
• Constantly juggling “what ifs” and “don’t forgets”

⚠️ Signs You’re Carrying Too Much:
1️⃣ You feel constantly “on,” even when you’re resting
2️⃣ You forget small things or feel mentally scattered
3️⃣ You snap more easily, feel overwhelmed, or can’t relax
4️⃣ You secretly resent how much you're expected to hold

🛠️ How to Lighten the Mental Load:
1️⃣ Externalize it
Write down your to-dos and thoughts. Free up brain space by putting them somewhere visible.

2️⃣ Share the work
Delegating isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Ask for help and let others carry their share.

3️⃣ Don’t strive for perfect
Lower the bar. Not everything has to be done, and not everything has to be done by you.

4️⃣ Carve out true rest
Unplug. Choose rest that restores—not just numbs.

✨ Remember:
If your brain feels tired, it’s because it’s been working overtime behind the scenes. The mental load is real—and you deserve rest, even if others don’t see what you’re carrying.

💬 This post is not a substitute for professional help and should not be used to diagnose or label others. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek support from a qualified professional.

📅 Join me next Monday as we explore why joy and play aren’t luxuries—they’re mental health essentials. 💚

19/06/2025

Don't forget to check out this weeks' blog post...

Friendships are meant to grow with us. But sometimes, the truth is harder to accept: some friendships don’t fit anymore. Maybe you’ve changed. Maybe they haven’t. Maybe what once felt easy now feels draining or one-sided. Letting go of a friendship can feel confusing and even painful—especia...