Cornerstone Mental Health Centre

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04/12/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 3

Risks Families Face (Continued)

4. Risk-Taking Behaviors

Adolescents with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use and early sexual activity. In the United States, adolescents with divorced parents drink alcohol earlier and report higher alcohol, ma*****na, to***co, and drug use than their peers. Adolescents whose parents divorced when they were 5 years old or younger were at particularly high risk for becoming sexually active prior to the age of 16, according to a study published in 2010. Separation from fathers has also been associated with higher numbers of sexual partners during adolescence.

Helping Children Adjust

Adults who experienced divorce during childhood may have more relationship difficulties. Divorce rates are higher for people whose parents were divorced. Parents play a major role in how children adjust to a divorce. Here are some strategies that can reduce the psychological toll separation and divorce have on children:

1. Co-Parent Peacefully

Intense conflict between parents has been shown to increase children’s distress. Overt hostility, such as screaming and threatening one another has been linked to behavior problems in children. But minor tension may also increase a child’s distress. If you struggle to co-parent with your ex-spouse, seek professional help.

2. Avoid Putting Children in the Middle

Asking children to choose which parent they like best or giving them messages to give to other parents is not appropriate. Children who find themselves caught in the middle are more likely to experience depression and anxiety.

3. Maintain Healthy Relationships

Positive communication, parental warmth, and low levels of conflict may help children adjust to divorce better. A healthy parent-child relationship has been shown to help children develop higher self-esteem and better academic performance following divorce.

4. Use Consistent Discipline

Establish age-appropriate rules and follow through with consequences when necessary. A study published in 2011 showed effective discipline after divorce reduced delinquency and improved academic performance in children.

We end here for today and we continue later on this week. Take care.

Kind regards.




27/11/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 2

Separation and Divorce - Related Stress

Divorce usually means children lose daily contact with one parent - most often fathers. Decreased contact affects the parent-child bond and according to a paper published in 2014, researchers have found many children feel less close to their fathers after divorce. Divorce also affects a child’s relationship with the custodial parent - most often mothers. Primary caregivers often report higher levels of stress associated with single parenting.

For some children, parental separation is not the hardest part. Instead, the accompanying stressors are what make divorce the most difficult. Changing schools, moving to a new home, and living with a single parent who feels a little more frazzled are just a few of the additional stressors that make divorce difficult. Financial hardships are also common following divorce. Many families have to move to smaller homes or change neighborhoods and they often have fewer material resources.

Risks Families Face

Many children endure ongoing changes to their family dynamics. The addition of a step-parent and possibly several step-siblings can be another big adjustment. And quite often both parents re-marry, which means many changes for kids. The failure rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. So many children experience multiple separations and divorces over the years.

1) Mental Health Problems

Separation and divorce may increase the risk of mental health problems in children and adolescents. Regardless of age, gender, and culture, children of divorced parents experience increased psychological problems. Divorce may trigger an adjustment disorder in children that resolves within a few months. But, studies have also found depression and anxiety rates are higher in children from divorced parents.

2) Behavior Problems

Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than children from two-parent families. In addition to increased behavior problems, children may also experience more conflict with peers after a divorce.

3) Poor Academic Performance

Children from divorced families do not always perform as well academically. However, a study published in 2019 suggested children from divorced families tended to have trouble with school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely did not have the same outcome.

We end here for today and we continue later on this week. Take care.

To schedule an appointment with a Counsellor/Therapist, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Kind regards.




19/11/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 1

As a marriage dissolves, some parents find themselves asking questions like, “Should we stay together for the children?” Other parents find divorce is their only option. And while all parents may have many worries on their mind - from the future of their living situation to the uncertainty of the custody arrangement - they may worry most about how the children will deal with the divorce.

So what are the psychological effects of divorce on children? It depends. While divorce is stressful for all children, some children rebound faster than others. The good news is, parents can take steps to reduce the psychological effects of divorce on children. A few supportive parenting strategies can go a long way to helping children adjust to the changes brought about by divorce.

Why the First Year Is the Toughest

As you might expect, research has found that children struggle the most during the first year or two after the divorce. Children are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief. But many children seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. Others, however, never really seem to go back to “normal.” This small percentage of children may experience ongoing - possibly even lifelong - problems after their parents’ divorce.

Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for children, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating:
Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another that someday, their parents may stop loving them.
Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong.
Teenagers may become quite angry about a divorce and the changes it creates. They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.

Of course, each situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relieved by the separation - if a divorce means fewer arguments and less stress.

We end here for today and we'll continue later on next week. Take care.

Kind regards.




15/11/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 13

How do you behave after a divorce?

No matter how just or unjust the reason might have been for the divorce, it changes the way you view the world, as something so sacred and treasured is now tainted with lies, deceit, or incompatibility. It may emotionally affect you deeply, making you act out in ways that are not reflective of your normal self. You might even be dealing with divorce anxiety or anxiety after divorce, along with depression.

However, the important things to remember when coping with divorce are respecting your emotions and taking time to explore them, not putting yourself through any rigorous regime of self-doubt and self-loathing.

When coping with divorce, try to give yourself a break and look for new possibilities and make sure that you take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. Treat yourself with kindness, empathy and patience. Don’t judge yourself harshly at this point. And ultimately, be a friend to yourself and treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was dealing with being divorced.

Conclusion

Divorce is a part of many people’s lives, yet it is difficult for many people to deal with its emotional, familial, and societal ramifications. Divorce marks a significant change in life and the steps mentioned here can help you deal with it more healthily. These help you give yourself a chance to patiently deal with the situation while allowing yourself the chance to grieve and move on with a positive attitude.

If you would like to speak with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Next we'll be talking about The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them.

Kind regards.




09/11/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 12

How long does it take to cope with divorce?

There is no set timeframe for people to recover from a divorce, as every situation and person is different. Your feelings are involved, and no exact science can predict when you might be ready to move on. Some of the things that determine how long it would take for you to recover from the emotional toll of coping with divorce are:
How long were you together with your ex? Who ended the marriage? Was the divorce a surprise? Do you have children? How emotionally invested were you in the marriage at the time of divorce? How much emotional support do you have outside the marriage?

Ending a relationship can be a long process, and there can be a lot of emotional baggage or emotional stages of divorce to work through. When coping with divorce, focus on getting better, not the time it takes to get you there. You can put unnecessary pressure on yourself and end up making the situation worse for yourself.

We'll continue later this week. If you or a loved one is going through this and would like to speak with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email on thehealingandwellnesscentre@gmail.com.

Kind regards.




27/10/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 11

13. Celebrate the small victories

Coping with divorce is a demanding and challenging task. So, celebrate every little step you can take towards moving on. The anxiety after divorce can make us extremely tough on ourselves. But celebrating the little victories will give you the motivation to keep going on. It helps you in maintaining a hopeful and positive outlook.

14. Unlearn expectations

A big part of the experience of divorce is coming to terms with the societal and personal expectations about marriage. You will have to unlearn the notion that a divorce is a marker of personal failure and shortcomings.

15. Consult an expert

If you are dealing with divorce anxiety and can’t see a way out, you should consult a therapist. They will be able to guide and help you through difficult times. A licensed therapist/counsellor can help you figure out how to get your life back on track and move on from the negative emotions associated with the divorce.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on: +260956579677 or send an Email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Next we'll be looking at: How long does it take to cope with separation and divorce?

Kind regards.




08/10/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 10

10. Focus on moving on

One of the most elaborate stages of a divorce or breakup is to dwell on past feelings and emotions. During this time you over-analyze every essential memory of your past relationship. Living in the past drifts you away from the end goal of moving on in your life. Even though reflecting on your past relationship is very important, you need to learn to take steps towards moving on with your life.

11. Appreciate the positives

Being able to appreciate the relationship for what it was and saying goodbye to it will be beneficial in the long run. You can move forward into future relationships without any regrets or damage from the past. The marriage or its breakup gives you insights into your strengths and weaknesses. The divorce can also teach you all the things you have going for you. If you can see the positives in the situation, you are taking steps towards moving on.

12. No hasty decisions

While you are coping with divorce, you might be tempted to make rash and unwise decisions. It may be your way of proving a point to yourself or your ex or other people in your life. But this is a futile gesture in the long run. Hasty decisions taken at this time can become the cause for regret later. So, give yourself more time before making any big decisions and think before doing something.

We'll continue later this week. Take care.

Kind regards.




27/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 9

7. Explore new experiences and interests

Post-divorce can be a great time for you to invest time in activities that you enjoy. You can reconnect with your passion or try new experiences. Maybe go to a dance class or learn to play the piano, volunteer and take up new hobbies. Meet new people to help you forget the bad days and stock up on better memories.

8. Talk, listen and reassure your children

You might have children with your ex-spouse. As hard as divorce has been for you, it might be equally as difficult for your children. Research has seen that divorce impacts children in a significant way. They might be going through a lot as they watch their family break up, their parents seeking a divorce, and having to choose between living with either of the parents. Make sure that they know it is not their fault, ease their concerns, and be direct with your responses. Moreover, ensure that your children know that they can rely on you all the time and you will love and support them through anything.

9. Maintain a routine

Keeping to a healthy daily routine is one of the best ways of coping with divorce. Carry on your daily activities and ensure that your children follow the same routine. Keep the daily and weekly routines as stable as you can. Moreover, it may also help if you work out an arrangement with your ex for your children. Research has shown the advantages of maintaining a routine as being helpful for people, physically and emotionally. It can help give you a healthy structure when figuring out life after divorce.

We'll continue later this week. Take care.

Kind regards.




11/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 8

4. Talk about your feelings

Avoid being alone during this time. Talk to your friends and family and share what you are feeling. Share your feelings with the people you trust or find people you can talk to about your feelings. Sharing your feelings would help you heal as you understand that you are not the only one feeling this pain. You can even join a support group to be among people from a similar situation. Don’t isolate yourself as this will only affect you negatively. It is okay to reach out for help in tough times.

5. Stay away from the power struggle

After your divorce, there would always be times when you would find yourself in a power struggle with your ex, just the way you used to when you were together. Avoiding arguments and power struggles with your ex are essential for moving from that relationship. Even though standing your ground for what you want is essential, you need to keep a check on your emotions and not let them cloud your judgment. Unresolved feelings cause a power struggle after a separation that either you, your partner, or both of you carry. Breathe, calm your mind, and remember that you are not together anymore and you can let go of the hurt. Try to reframe your anger by acknowledging the hurt and looking for a way to deal with it constructively.

6. Take care of yourself

When wondering how to handle a divorce, you must keep yourself mentally and physically in the optimal state. Keep your mental and emotional health in check. Make time to exercise, eat well, go out and pamper yourself. Do not resort to alcohol, drugs, or ci******es to cope, as this will only make things much worse for you. Furthermore, think positively! Remind yourself that things are the way they are just for the time being and they will eventually get better. Research shows that divorce and the psychosocial stress associated with it have been linked to increased mental illness and morbidity cases. Your emotions would get the best of you at times but do not fall into a cycle of regret. Instead, look forward to what you can do to make your life better.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on: +260956579677 or send an Email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

We'll continue next week. Take care.

Kind regards.




01/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 7

Why is Divorce Difficult?

Most people going through a divorce are often trying to process various emotions. It is challenging for most people to deal with divorce stress as it is a huge change, and it makes you feel like you have failed at marriage.

When struggling with divorce, there are emotional, financial and social ramifications to the decision. All of these combine to make how to get through a divorce a difficult question to answer.

What will be shared are some practical ways on how to handle divorce. If you are going through a similar phase, try to put these steps into practice:

1. Acceptance, not denial

Divorce is a hard pill that you may have to swallow, whether you want to or not. When the divorce is happening, denial only makes dealing with divorce anxiety more painful in the long run. Accepting divorce will make you sad, confused and frustrated, but it is the bitter truth. The quicker you accept it, the better you will feel. Gradually, the divorce depression will also begin to fade away, and you will see why the divorce had become vital for you and your ex.

2. It is okay to grieve

Healing from divorce is never easy because this separation comes in waves of grief from the loss of love, companionship, shared experiences, hopes, plans, and intellectual, emotional, and financial support. Such loss may make a person succumb to the grief but remember - grieving after divorce or breakup is essential to healing from the loss.

3. Be easy on yourself

It is okay if you feel low and do not wish to engage in the daily activities of life when you are dealing with divorce anxiety. Take a break and clear out your thoughts. Do not overwork yourself or force yourself to do things you simply don’t want to. It is okay if you are less productive at work but keep in mind not to make it a habit.

To schedule an appointment with a Counsellor/Therapist, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

We'll continue later this week. Take care and kind regards.




27/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 6

A word about Therapy and Divorce Psychology

How to get over a divorce? Is therapy the key to help transition and getting over a divorce? Post-divorce depression can take a toll on a person from a few weeks to a few years. While many people feel relief during and after the divorce, many others experience a wide range of discomfort at the ending of their marriages, struggling to cope with stages of divorce and looking at answers to the question, “how to get through a divorce?”. Sometimes those who experience extreme amounts of discomfort do not go through the stages of divorce and experience resolution. Some individuals get ‘stuck’.

Although most people would benefit from therapy while going through this major change, those who get ‘stuck’ in navigating stages of divorce would especially find therapy most useful. Clearly, one of the steps to getting a divorce is finding a good therapist, which is close on the heels of finding a good divorce attorney. A good therapist will help you overcome pain during the emotional stages of divorce.

Men and Divorce Emotional Stages

Be it stages of divorce for a man or a woman, the painful process of marriage termination takes a toll on both. It is often assumed in our patriarchal society set up that a man needs to suck it up and not display grief. This can be very damaging for the overall mental well being of any man who is undergoing divorce healing stages. A man experiences disbelief as the first stage of divorce, traversing from divorce healing stages of denial, shock, anger, pain, and depression before he can finally reconstruct his life.

Still wondering how to get over a divorce? Remember there are different stages of grief after divorce. With the help of prevalent optimism and therapy, you will be able to complete the trajectory from a downward “I will die alone” to an upward ” I can finally pick up the pieces and live my life happily again”.

Kind regards.




24/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 5

Today we are looking at Stage 4.

Stage 4 - Discovering the new ‘you’
Acceptance

Characteristics of Stage 4: Finally (and the time varies from months to perhaps several years), divorcing people enter stage 4 and feel a sense of relief and acceptance about their situation. After a while, they start to experience a new sense of strength and accomplishment. For the most part, in this stage, people feel quite content with their lifestyles and no longer dwell on the past. They now have a sense of awareness and knowledge of their own needs.
Resolving the loss

Although many of the feelings triggered by divorce are painful and uncomfortable, they ultimately lead toward resolving the loss so that, if the person desires, he or she will be emotionally able to re-establish an intimate relationship.

In Stage 4, feelings of well-being begin to take precedence over feelings of anxiety and anger. Divorcing people become able to pursue their own interest and put their former spouses and marriages in a perspective they are comfortable with.

We're done with the four stages and next we'll look at the role of therapy in helping divorcing people navigate the journey. Take care.

Kind regards.




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Kitwe

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