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21/02/2026

Childhood Trauma and Healing Part 3

Adult Attachment Issues Rooted In Traumatic Childhood Experiences

In the complex web of life, traumatic childhood experiences, particularly those inflicted by guardians or parents, can spin off into a web of attachment issues in one’s adult life. Here is a closer look at a few of these threads:
The Solitary Fortress Syndrome (Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment): Picture a child, neglected or rejected by those meant to care for them. As they grow, they build high walls around themselves, becoming an island of self-sufficiency. Their fortress is a shield, protecting them from the pain of rejection they have experienced before.
The Shadow of Suspicion (Fearful-Avoidant Attachment): In the murkier corners of childhood, where abuse and neglect lurk, grow seeds of suspicion and apprehension about intimacy and close relationships. These children, now adults, grapple with trust like a slippery eel. Emotion is a language they find hard to speak, and they often seem like distant islands in the sea of relationships.
The Validation Voyage (Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment): Childhood, for some, is a roller coaster ride of emotional care, peaks of affection interspersed with valleys of rejection. As adults, these individuals are on an eternal quest for validation in relationships. It’s like they are adrift at sea, always looking for the lighthouse of reassurance, uncertain about their own importance in the constellation of relationships.

The Ripple Effects of Childhood Trauma

The repercussions of childhood trauma are complex and varied, heavily influenced by the specific trauma and individual characteristics of the child. When a child’s home becomes a battlefield instead of a haven, they often resort to creating their survival strategies. They might live in constant fear, hyper-aware of the moods and reactions of their volatile caregivers. To maintain peace, these children learn to suppress their emotions, thereby becoming proficient at hiding their fears, anger, and sadness.

Research by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network in the United States of America (USA) emphasizes the connection between trauma and high-risk behaviors in adulthood, such as smoking, unprotected s*x, and susceptibility to chronic illnesses like heart disease and cancer. Those who have suffered abuse are likely to endure persistent stress and anxiety, triggering physical symptoms and emotional problems that may span a lifetime.

Essentially, the impact of childhood trauma sets up a fragile foundation that affects an individual’s trajectory in life. Our upbringing, with its inherent sense of security (or lack thereof), significantly influences the emotional and, at times, the physical journey we embark on as adults.

Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adulthood Relationships

Childhood trauma can have profound and long-lasting effects on adult relationships. Here are some ways it can impact an individual’s ability to form and maintain relationships:
Trust Issues: Childhood trauma, particularly if it was caused by a caregiver, can lead to trust issues. A person may find it difficult to believe that others have any good intentions, fearing they might be hurt or betrayed as they were in their childhood.
Attachment Issues: Traumatic experiences in childhood can lead to insecure attachment styles in adulthood. This may manifest as a fear of abandonment, resulting in clinginess in relationships (anxious attachment), or as a fear of intimacy, leading to emotional detachment and self-isolation (avoidant attachment).
Difficulty with Emotional Regulation: Childhood trauma can make it hard for an individual to manage their emotions effectively. This can lead to volatile relationships, with frequent emotional outbursts, or conversely, to emotional numbness and inability to express feelings.

We end here for today and we'll continue later this week.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.





01/02/2026

Childhood Trauma and Healing Part 2

What Determines How a Child Reacts to Trauma?

Several factors may determine how a child reacts. These include:
Age: A child’s age at the time of the traumatic event can significantly influence their reaction. Younger children may not fully understand the event, which often leads to confusion and fear. On the other hand, older children might be more likely to experience feelings of guilt or responsibility.
Type: The nature of the traumatic event (e.g., accident, abuse, neglect) can also impact a child’s reaction. Certain types of trauma, especially those involving a personal violation or prolonged exposure, may lead to more severe or long-lasting effects.
Severity and Duration: The severity of the traumatic event and how long it lasts can influence a child’s response. A single, brief traumatic event might have different effects compared to a recurring or prolonged one.
Proximity: Children who directly experience or witness a traumatic event are likely to have a more significant reaction than those who are more removed from the event.
Personality: Just like adults, every child has a unique personality, which can impact how they respond. Some children might be naturally more resilient or have better-coping mechanisms due to their personality traits.
Support System: The presence of a strong, supportive network, including family, friends, and community, can significantly influence how a child copes with trauma. Supportive adults can help children understand and process their feelings, which can contribute to a more positive outcome.
Previous Trauma or Stress: Children who have previously experienced high levels of stress may be more vulnerable to the effects of a new traumatic event.
Coping Skills: A child’s ability to cope with stress and adversity plays a significant role in their reaction. Those with strong problem-solving skills and adaptive coping strategies are generally better able to manage their responses to traumatic events.

It’s important to note that these are general factors, and every child’s response to trauma is unique. If a child is showing signs of trauma, professional help, such as a child counsellor, should be sought after.

We end here for today and we'll continue later this week.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.





25/01/2026

Childhood Trauma and Healing Part 1

Thinking back to one’s childhood often conjures up impressions of purity, delight, hope, and excitement. It is a phase characterized by safety and a period of feeling cherished and shielded. The sense of security obtained from knowing that your family protects you forms the basis for establishing strong and secure bonds in the future. This represents the typical concept and experience of childhood. However, the actual experiences of numerous children and the subsequent impacts on their adult lives significantly deviate from this idealistic notion.

Impact of Childhood Trauma: The Unseen Wounds

Childhood trauma can manifest in may ways. It can take the form of physical or s*xual harm, being a bystander to a horrifying incident, experiencing severe illnesses that require extensive medical interventions, witnessing acts of domestic violence, enduring relentless bullying, or even surviving those conditions such as displacement and catastrophic natural disasters.

The understanding of such incidents is especially complex for a child, who lacks the brain capacity of adults. Children have a harder time with or lack of education, socialization, life experience than adults. They often fall into the pit of self-blame, unable to comprehend the causes and consequences of these distressing events.
Anxiety

Adults who have experienced childhood trauma usually have heightened levels of anxiety. They may worry excessively and have trouble managing their anxiety.
Depression

It can lead to persistent feelings of sadness, lack of interest in activities, and difficulty experiencing pleasure.
Difficulty Forming Relationships

Adults with a history of it may struggle to establish and maintain healthy relationships due to having trust issues and fear of being hurt.
Substance Abuse

Individuals may use drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with unresolved issues.
Emotional Regulation Issues

Adults may have difficulty regulating emotions, leading to emotional outbursts, difficulty calming down after being upset, or trouble identifying their emotions.
Low Self-Esteem

It can leave adults with feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy.
Sleep Disorders

Insomnia, nightmares, or other sleep disorders may be more common in adults who experienced childhood trauma.
Dissociation

Some may experience periods of dissociation, feeling disconnected from themselves or the world around them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Adults who experienced traumatic events as children may have recurring nightmares, and flashbacks, or may feel a like they’re in a constant state of danger.
Physical Health Problems

There’s a higher risk for chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune diseases among adults who had bad experiences in their childhood.

The Lasting Impact: Loss Of Self, Guilt, And Shame

The damaging effects of it can lessen a child’s sense of stability and self-identity, leaving lasting scars that persist into adulthood. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, feelings of disconnection, difficulties in managing emotions, heightened anxiety and depression, and bouts of anger.

In a situation where a child is repeatedly subjected to trauma, disrupting their sense of safety and stability. This is often known as complex trauma. If a child suffers emotional, physical, or s*xual abuse from a caregiver, it deeply affects how they form relationships later in life. Their faith in caretakers and protectors is left shattered, leading to a strong sense of distrust and fear. It may cause a child’s sense of identity to break apart, and it takes significant time and effort to mend these cracks and restore their trust.

In such circumstances, it becomes essential to provide supportive and a therapeutic environment for these children to help them navigate their emotional landscape. It’s crucial to recognize the signs and offer appropriate professional help.

It is important to note that healing is not just about curing visible wounds; it’s also about understanding and addressing the pain that hides beneath the surface. By gaining this understanding, we can help children build resilience and rewrite their future, allowing them to overcome their past and move towards a healthier, happier life.

We end here for today and we'll continue later this week.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.





05/01/2026

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 5

When to Seek Help for Your Child

Despite the fact that separation and divorce is tough on families, staying together for the sole sake of the children may not be the best option. Children who live in homes with a lot of arguing, hostility and discontentment may be at a higher risk of developing mental health issues and behavior problems.

Consequently, following a parental separation, it is normal for children to struggle with their feelings and their behavior immediately afterwards. But, if your child’s mood issues or behavioral problems persist, seek professional help.

Individual therapy/counselling may help your child sort out his/her emotions. Family therapy/counselling may also be recommended to address changes in family dynamics. Some communities also offer support groups for children. Support groups allow children in certain age groups to meet with other children who may be experiencing similar changes in family structure.

To schedule an appointment with a Counsellor/Therapist, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Take care and kind regards.




31/12/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 4

Helping Children Adjust (Continued)

5. Monitor Adolescents Closely

When parents pay close attention to what teens are doing and who they spend their time with, adolescents are less likely to exhibit behavior problems following a divorce. That means a reduced chance of using substances and fewer academic problems.

6. Empower Your Children

Children who doubt their ability to deal with the changes and those who see themselves as helpless victims are more likely to experience mental health problems. Teach your child that although dealing with divorce is difficult, he/she has the mental strength to handle it.

7. Teach Coping Skills

Children with active coping strategies, like problem-solving skills and cognitive restructuring skills, adapt better to divorce. Teach your child how to manage his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy way.

8. Help Children Feel Safe

Fear of abandonment and concerns about the future can cause a lot of anxiety. But helping your child feel loved, safe, and secure can not only reduce clinginess but also diminish the risk of mental health problems.

9. Seek Parent Education

There are many programs available to help reduce the impact divorce has on children. Parents are taught co-parenting skills and strategies for helping children cope with the adjustments.

10. Get Professional Help

Reducing your stress level can be instrumental in helping your child. Practice self-care and consider talk therapy (counselling) or other resources to help you adjust to the changes in your family.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

We end here for today and we continue later on next week. Take care.

Kind regards.




04/12/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 3

Risks Families Face (Continued)

4. Risk-Taking Behaviors

Adolescents with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use and early s*xual activity. In the United States, adolescents with divorced parents drink alcohol earlier and report higher alcohol, ma*****na, to***co, and drug use than their peers. Adolescents whose parents divorced when they were 5 years old or younger were at particularly high risk for becoming s*xually active prior to the age of 16, according to a study published in 2010. Separation from fathers has also been associated with higher numbers of s*xual partners during adolescence.

Helping Children Adjust

Adults who experienced divorce during childhood may have more relationship difficulties. Divorce rates are higher for people whose parents were divorced. Parents play a major role in how children adjust to a divorce. Here are some strategies that can reduce the psychological toll separation and divorce have on children:

1. Co-Parent Peacefully

Intense conflict between parents has been shown to increase children’s distress. Overt hostility, such as screaming and threatening one another has been linked to behavior problems in children. But minor tension may also increase a child’s distress. If you struggle to co-parent with your ex-spouse, seek professional help.

2. Avoid Putting Children in the Middle

Asking children to choose which parent they like best or giving them messages to give to other parents is not appropriate. Children who find themselves caught in the middle are more likely to experience depression and anxiety.

3. Maintain Healthy Relationships

Positive communication, parental warmth, and low levels of conflict may help children adjust to divorce better. A healthy parent-child relationship has been shown to help children develop higher self-esteem and better academic performance following divorce.

4. Use Consistent Discipline

Establish age-appropriate rules and follow through with consequences when necessary. A study published in 2011 showed effective discipline after divorce reduced delinquency and improved academic performance in children.

We end here for today and we continue later on this week. Take care.

Kind regards.




27/11/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 2

Separation and Divorce - Related Stress

Divorce usually means children lose daily contact with one parent - most often fathers. Decreased contact affects the parent-child bond and according to a paper published in 2014, researchers have found many children feel less close to their fathers after divorce. Divorce also affects a child’s relationship with the custodial parent - most often mothers. Primary caregivers often report higher levels of stress associated with single parenting.

For some children, parental separation is not the hardest part. Instead, the accompanying stressors are what make divorce the most difficult. Changing schools, moving to a new home, and living with a single parent who feels a little more frazzled are just a few of the additional stressors that make divorce difficult. Financial hardships are also common following divorce. Many families have to move to smaller homes or change neighborhoods and they often have fewer material resources.

Risks Families Face

Many children endure ongoing changes to their family dynamics. The addition of a step-parent and possibly several step-siblings can be another big adjustment. And quite often both parents re-marry, which means many changes for kids. The failure rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. So many children experience multiple separations and divorces over the years.

1) Mental Health Problems

Separation and divorce may increase the risk of mental health problems in children and adolescents. Regardless of age, gender, and culture, children of divorced parents experience increased psychological problems. Divorce may trigger an adjustment disorder in children that resolves within a few months. But, studies have also found depression and anxiety rates are higher in children from divorced parents.

2) Behavior Problems

Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than children from two-parent families. In addition to increased behavior problems, children may also experience more conflict with peers after a divorce.

3) Poor Academic Performance

Children from divorced families do not always perform as well academically. However, a study published in 2019 suggested children from divorced families tended to have trouble with school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely did not have the same outcome.

We end here for today and we continue later on this week. Take care.

To schedule an appointment with a Counsellor/Therapist, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Kind regards.




19/11/2025

The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them Part 1

As a marriage dissolves, some parents find themselves asking questions like, “Should we stay together for the children?” Other parents find divorce is their only option. And while all parents may have many worries on their mind - from the future of their living situation to the uncertainty of the custody arrangement - they may worry most about how the children will deal with the divorce.

So what are the psychological effects of divorce on children? It depends. While divorce is stressful for all children, some children rebound faster than others. The good news is, parents can take steps to reduce the psychological effects of divorce on children. A few supportive parenting strategies can go a long way to helping children adjust to the changes brought about by divorce.

Why the First Year Is the Toughest

As you might expect, research has found that children struggle the most during the first year or two after the divorce. Children are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief. But many children seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. Others, however, never really seem to go back to “normal.” This small percentage of children may experience ongoing - possibly even lifelong - problems after their parents’ divorce.

Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for children, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating:
Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another that someday, their parents may stop loving them.
Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong.
Teenagers may become quite angry about a divorce and the changes it creates. They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.

Of course, each situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relieved by the separation - if a divorce means fewer arguments and less stress.

We end here for today and we'll continue later on next week. Take care.

Kind regards.




15/11/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 13

How do you behave after a divorce?

No matter how just or unjust the reason might have been for the divorce, it changes the way you view the world, as something so sacred and treasured is now tainted with lies, deceit, or incompatibility. It may emotionally affect you deeply, making you act out in ways that are not reflective of your normal self. You might even be dealing with divorce anxiety or anxiety after divorce, along with depression.

However, the important things to remember when coping with divorce are respecting your emotions and taking time to explore them, not putting yourself through any rigorous regime of self-doubt and self-loathing.

When coping with divorce, try to give yourself a break and look for new possibilities and make sure that you take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. Treat yourself with kindness, empathy and patience. Don’t judge yourself harshly at this point. And ultimately, be a friend to yourself and treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was dealing with being divorced.

Conclusion

Divorce is a part of many people’s lives, yet it is difficult for many people to deal with its emotional, familial, and societal ramifications. Divorce marks a significant change in life and the steps mentioned here can help you deal with it more healthily. These help you give yourself a chance to patiently deal with the situation while allowing yourself the chance to grieve and move on with a positive attitude.

If you would like to speak with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260769320665 or email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Next we'll be talking about The Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children and How to Support Them.

Kind regards.




09/11/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 12

How long does it take to cope with divorce?

There is no set timeframe for people to recover from a divorce, as every situation and person is different. Your feelings are involved, and no exact science can predict when you might be ready to move on. Some of the things that determine how long it would take for you to recover from the emotional toll of coping with divorce are:
How long were you together with your ex? Who ended the marriage? Was the divorce a surprise? Do you have children? How emotionally invested were you in the marriage at the time of divorce? How much emotional support do you have outside the marriage?

Ending a relationship can be a long process, and there can be a lot of emotional baggage or emotional stages of divorce to work through. When coping with divorce, focus on getting better, not the time it takes to get you there. You can put unnecessary pressure on yourself and end up making the situation worse for yourself.

We'll continue later this week. If you or a loved one is going through this and would like to speak with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email on thehealingandwellnesscentre@gmail.com.

Kind regards.




27/10/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 11

13. Celebrate the small victories

Coping with divorce is a demanding and challenging task. So, celebrate every little step you can take towards moving on. The anxiety after divorce can make us extremely tough on ourselves. But celebrating the little victories will give you the motivation to keep going on. It helps you in maintaining a hopeful and positive outlook.

14. Unlearn expectations

A big part of the experience of divorce is coming to terms with the societal and personal expectations about marriage. You will have to unlearn the notion that a divorce is a marker of personal failure and shortcomings.

15. Consult an expert

If you are dealing with divorce anxiety and can’t see a way out, you should consult a therapist. They will be able to guide and help you through difficult times. A licensed therapist/counsellor can help you figure out how to get your life back on track and move on from the negative emotions associated with the divorce.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on: +260956579677 or send an Email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

Next we'll be looking at: How long does it take to cope with separation and divorce?

Kind regards.




08/10/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 10

10. Focus on moving on

One of the most elaborate stages of a divorce or breakup is to dwell on past feelings and emotions. During this time you over-analyze every essential memory of your past relationship. Living in the past drifts you away from the end goal of moving on in your life. Even though reflecting on your past relationship is very important, you need to learn to take steps towards moving on with your life.

11. Appreciate the positives

Being able to appreciate the relationship for what it was and saying goodbye to it will be beneficial in the long run. You can move forward into future relationships without any regrets or damage from the past. The marriage or its breakup gives you insights into your strengths and weaknesses. The divorce can also teach you all the things you have going for you. If you can see the positives in the situation, you are taking steps towards moving on.

12. No hasty decisions

While you are coping with divorce, you might be tempted to make rash and unwise decisions. It may be your way of proving a point to yourself or your ex or other people in your life. But this is a futile gesture in the long run. Hasty decisions taken at this time can become the cause for regret later. So, give yourself more time before making any big decisions and think before doing something.

We'll continue later this week. Take care.

Kind regards.




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Kitwe

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