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Cornerstone Mental Health Centre, YWCA Complex, Kitwe (2025)

27/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 9

7. Explore new experiences and interests

Post-divorce can be a great time for you to invest time in activities that you enjoy. You can reconnect with your passion or try new experiences. Maybe go to a dance class or learn to play the piano, volunteer and take up new hobbies. Meet new people to help you forget the bad days and stock up on better memories.

8. Talk, listen and reassure your children

You might have children with your ex-spouse. As hard as divorce has been for you, it might be equally as difficult for your children. Research has seen that divorce impacts children in a significant way. They might be going through a lot as they watch their family break up, their parents seeking a divorce, and having to choose between living with either of the parents. Make sure that they know it is not their fault, ease their concerns, and be direct with your responses. Moreover, ensure that your children know that they can rely on you all the time and you will love and support them through anything.

9. Maintain a routine

Keeping to a healthy daily routine is one of the best ways of coping with divorce. Carry on your daily activities and ensure that your children follow the same routine. Keep the daily and weekly routines as stable as you can. Moreover, it may also help if you work out an arrangement with your ex for your children. Research has shown the advantages of maintaining a routine as being helpful for people, physically and emotionally. It can help give you a healthy structure when figuring out life after divorce.

We'll continue later this week. Take care.

Kind regards.

11/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 8

4. Talk about your feelings

Avoid being alone during this time. Talk to your friends and family and share what you are feeling. Share your feelings with the people you trust or find people you can talk to about your feelings. Sharing your feelings would help you heal as you understand that you are not the only one feeling this pain. You can even join a support group to be among people from a similar situation. Don’t isolate yourself as this will only affect you negatively. It is okay to reach out for help in tough times.

5. Stay away from the power struggle

After your divorce, there would always be times when you would find yourself in a power struggle with your ex, just the way you used to when you were together. Avoiding arguments and power struggles with your ex are essential for moving from that relationship. Even though standing your ground for what you want is essential, you need to keep a check on your emotions and not let them cloud your judgment. Unresolved feelings cause a power struggle after a separation that either you, your partner, or both of you carry. Breathe, calm your mind, and remember that you are not together anymore and you can let go of the hurt. Try to reframe your anger by acknowledging the hurt and looking for a way to deal with it constructively.

6. Take care of yourself

When wondering how to handle a divorce, you must keep yourself mentally and physically in the optimal state. Keep your mental and emotional health in check. Make time to exercise, eat well, go out and pamper yourself. Do not resort to alcohol, drugs, or ci******es to cope, as this will only make things much worse for you. Furthermore, think positively! Remind yourself that things are the way they are just for the time being and they will eventually get better. Research shows that divorce and the psychosocial stress associated with it have been linked to increased mental illness and morbidity cases. Your emotions would get the best of you at times but do not fall into a cycle of regret. Instead, look forward to what you can do to make your life better.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on: +260956579677 or send an Email on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

We'll continue next week. Take care.

Kind regards.

01/09/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 7

Why is Divorce Difficult?

Most people going through a divorce are often trying to process various emotions. It is challenging for most people to deal with divorce stress as it is a huge change, and it makes you feel like you have failed at marriage.

When struggling with divorce, there are emotional, financial and social ramifications to the decision. All of these combine to make how to get through a divorce a difficult question to answer.

What will be shared are some practical ways on how to handle divorce. If you are going through a similar phase, try to put these steps into practice:

1. Acceptance, not denial

Divorce is a hard pill that you may have to swallow, whether you want to or not. When the divorce is happening, denial only makes dealing with divorce anxiety more painful in the long run. Accepting divorce will make you sad, confused and frustrated, but it is the bitter truth. The quicker you accept it, the better you will feel. Gradually, the divorce depression will also begin to fade away, and you will see why the divorce had become vital for you and your ex.

2. It is okay to grieve

Healing from divorce is never easy because this separation comes in waves of grief from the loss of love, companionship, shared experiences, hopes, plans, and intellectual, emotional, and financial support. Such loss may make a person succumb to the grief but remember - grieving after divorce or breakup is essential to healing from the loss.

3. Be easy on yourself

It is okay if you feel low and do not wish to engage in the daily activities of life when you are dealing with divorce anxiety. Take a break and clear out your thoughts. Do not overwork yourself or force yourself to do things you simply don’t want to. It is okay if you are less productive at work but keep in mind not to make it a habit.

To schedule an appointment with a Counsellor/Therapist, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

We'll continue later this week. Take care and kind regards.

27/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 6

A word about Therapy and Divorce Psychology

How to get over a divorce? Is therapy the key to help transition and getting over a divorce? Post-divorce depression can take a toll on a person from a few weeks to a few years. While many people feel relief during and after the divorce, many others experience a wide range of discomfort at the ending of their marriages, struggling to cope with stages of divorce and looking at answers to the question, “how to get through a divorce?”. Sometimes those who experience extreme amounts of discomfort do not go through the stages of divorce and experience resolution. Some individuals get ‘stuck’.

Although most people would benefit from therapy while going through this major change, those who get ‘stuck’ in navigating stages of divorce would especially find therapy most useful. Clearly, one of the steps to getting a divorce is finding a good therapist, which is close on the heels of finding a good divorce attorney. A good therapist will help you overcome pain during the emotional stages of divorce.

Men and Divorce Emotional Stages

Be it stages of divorce for a man or a woman, the painful process of marriage termination takes a toll on both. It is often assumed in our patriarchal society set up that a man needs to suck it up and not display grief. This can be very damaging for the overall mental well being of any man who is undergoing divorce healing stages. A man experiences disbelief as the first stage of divorce, traversing from divorce healing stages of denial, shock, anger, pain, and depression before he can finally reconstruct his life.

Still wondering how to get over a divorce? Remember there are different stages of grief after divorce. With the help of prevalent optimism and therapy, you will be able to complete the trajectory from a downward “I will die alone” to an upward ” I can finally pick up the pieces and live my life happily again”.

Kind regards.

24/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 5

Today we are looking at Stage 4.

Stage 4 - Discovering the new ‘you’
Acceptance

Characteristics of Stage 4: Finally (and the time varies from months to perhaps several years), divorcing people enter stage 4 and feel a sense of relief and acceptance about their situation. After a while, they start to experience a new sense of strength and accomplishment. For the most part, in this stage, people feel quite content with their lifestyles and no longer dwell on the past. They now have a sense of awareness and knowledge of their own needs.
Resolving the loss

Although many of the feelings triggered by divorce are painful and uncomfortable, they ultimately lead toward resolving the loss so that, if the person desires, he or she will be emotionally able to re-establish an intimate relationship.

In Stage 4, feelings of well-being begin to take precedence over feelings of anxiety and anger. Divorcing people become able to pursue their own interest and put their former spouses and marriages in a perspective they are comfortable with.

We're done with the four stages and next we'll look at the role of therapy in helping divorcing people navigate the journey. Take care.

Kind regards.

19/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 4

We continue with more on Stage 2.
Euphoria

Conversely, in Stage 2 some divorcing people may experience periods of euphoria. Some divorcing people feel a sense of relief, increased personal freedom, newly gained competence and reinvest emotional energy into themselves which was previously directed toward the marriage. This is one of the emancipating stages of divorce.

Evening out the emotional swings

In sum, stage 2 is an emotional see-saw, characterized mainly by psychological conflict. The emotional tasks of the individual during one of such stages of divorce are to achieve a realistic definition of what their marriage represented, what their role was in its maintenance, and what their responsibility was for its failure. This is one of the most challenging but ultimately fruitful stages of divorce.

The danger is that divorcing people in Stage 2 may think that the worst is over only to become depressed again. Unfortunately, the emotional see-saw of this stage (and the other stages) makes it even more difficult to work with lawyers, make decisions, and sometimes be an effective parent.

Now we proceed to Stage 3.

Stage 3 - The beginning of identity transformation

The ambivalence of Stage 3 may involve changes in a person’s identity. In many ways, this is the most psychologically stressful aspect of the divorcing process. Being married is a primary source of self-identity. Two individuals enter a relationship with two separate identities and then co-construct a couple’s identity about who they are and where and how they fit into the world. When their relationship ends, they may feel confused and fearful, as though they no longer have a script telling them how to behave. At this time the divorcing person faces a major change in self-perception. Often during this time period, they may try on different identities, attempting to find one that is comfortable for them. Sometimes during this period, adults go through a second adolescence. Similar to their first adolescence, people may become very concerned about how they look, how they sound. They may buy new clothes or a new car.

Many of the struggles an adult experienced as a teenager may reappear and may find themselves trying to decide how to handle sexual advances or when to kiss a date good night. People may engage in sexual experimentation as they make attempts to explore their new sexuality outside of the marriage. This qualifies as one of the self-exploration stages of divorce which can lead to new discoveries and learnings.
Making the psychological transition

The emotional task for the person divorcing at this stage is making the psychological transition from being “married” to being “single” again. This identity transformation, for many, is psychologically the most difficult and stressful undertaking of the divorcing process.

We end here and tomorrow we will look at the fourth and last stage. Take care.

Kind regards.

16/08/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 3

We continue from where we ended last week.

Stage 2 - Experiencing a multitude of emotions
Unpredictable feelings accompanying stages of divorce

Shortly after separation shock, one may begin to experience a multitude of emotions, one occurring right after the other. One minute people may feel perfectly comfortable with their new lifestyle, and a minute later they may find themselves in tears, reminiscing about their former spouses. Shortly thereafter, remembering a negative event or an argument, they may feel enraged. The only thing predictable in this stage is the unpredictability of feelings.
Scanning

People will reminisce about what went wrong with their marriages, who was to blame, what their own role was in the failure. They relive the best times in the marriage and mourn the loss of the more intimate aspects. Scanning may also provide constructive insight into their own patterns in relationships. In this sense, it can be a valuable learning experience.
Loss and loneliness

During this stage, a person may experience a sense of loss and loneliness, similar to that which a person experiences at the death of a loved one. Loneliness can manifest itself in many ways. Some may become passive and isolate themselves, withdrawing from social contacts. Others may experience a more active type of loneliness. Instead of sitting at home, they may frequent old restaurants, pass by their spouse’s home, or go from one singles bar to another, desperately looking for solace from their loneliness. During this time also, any negative feelings and emotions the person experienced as a child, such as separation anxiety, low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness, may resurface, causing the individual much distress.

We'll continue with more on Stage 2 tomorrow. Take care.

Kind regards.

18/07/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 2

Here’s more on the stages of divorce

Stage 1 - The world seems to have come to an end
Anxiety

Going through a divorce is a sapping journey. Divorce process entails anxiety. Anxious feelings may be accompanied by disturbances of sleep or appetite patterns. Irrespective of the question, how long does it take to get over a divorce, you have to learn coping mechanisms to keep anxiety at bay. Anxiety is corrosive and makes getting over divorce all the more tumultuous.
Depression

Decrease in food intake and increase in time spent sleeping are probably related to depression. Both anxiety and depression are indications of separation shock and commonly experienced during stages of divorce. Often during this time the individuals will report that they are unable to concentrate on work activities or carry on conversations with people. They may experience sudden outbursts of tears or anger.
Rage

Other people report that they often lose control of their anger and, for what later seems to them to be an insignificant reason, explode into sudden flashes of rage.
Numbness

Many people experience feelings of numbness or the absence of feelings trying to navigate unknown stages of divorce. Numbness is a way of muting or denying feelings, which, if experienced, might be too overwhelming for the individual to handle.
Emotional vacillation

Often during Stage 1, a person vacillates between these emotions - feeling first anxious, then angry, and then numb. For many, these emotions are often combined with feelings of optimism about their new lives. This stage of separation shock can last anywhere from a few days to several months.
Guilt and Anger

Often one partner wants the divorce more than the other. The person who leaves is often burdened with enormous amounts of guilt and self-blame, whereas the remaining partner potentially feels more anger, hurt, self-pity, and condemnation of the other. Both individuals suffer during one of the many such stages of divorce.

Coming to Grips with the Marriage Ending

The principal problem of Stage 1 for many people involves coming to grips with the fact that the marriage is ending. The emotional task of the person at this stage of the divorcing process is to accept the reality of the separation.

What things do you think would help an individual going through stage 1 of the divorce? Feel free to put your answers to this question in the comments section.

We'll continue with the stage 2 in the coming days.

18/07/2025

Enrollment for August Intake: Certificate Courses and Mental Health Training Services

We are pleased to announce that enrollment is now open for the following health courses, the August intake starts on the 5th. The application deadline is the 1st of August:

1. Psychosocial Counselling
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
3. Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)
4. HIV & AIDS Management

These courses will be offered in a hybrid format, combining both physical and virtual sessions to accommodate diverse learning preferences and ensure accessibility for all participants. Whether you value the personal connection of in-person classes or the flexibility of online learning, our programs are designed to meet your needs.

In addition to our courses, we are excited to introduce specialized mental health training services tailored for corporates and organizations. These sessions are crafted to equip professionals with the knowledge and skills needed to foster supportive environments that prioritize mental health and well-being in the workplace.

We are also pleased to offer a mentorship program for mental health professionals, aimed at supporting continuous learning and professional development for those committed to making a positive impact in the field.

At Cornerstone Mental Health Centre, we believe that education, empowerment, and collaboration are key to achieving holistic well-being. We invite you to join us on this transformative journey to build healthier individuals, workplaces, and communities.

For more details on course schedules, registration, corporate training packages, or mentorship opportunities, please contact us at +260956579677 or cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com. Together, let's pave the way for a brighter and mentally healthier future.

Kind regards,

09/07/2025

Coping with Separation and Divorce Part 1

Note: Though this write up will be focused on separation and divorce, the principles discussed are helpful in other situations of relationship breakdowns.

Divorce is one of the most complex decisions of anyone’s life. Not only does coping with divorce require a lot of time, effort and energy but it can also take a severe toll on your mental and physical health. The thought of having to leave someone you once had been in love with is hard to digest. This can seriously affect your daily life, the way you think, keep you from being productive throughout the day, and overwhelm you with immense sadness and hurt. People get into marriages with the mindset of staying married for the rest of their lives. It is no surprise then that people take a long time to recover from a divorce.

In many ways divorce is like going through the death of a loved one, involving loss and grief. It changes the structure of the family forever. Divorce causes the loss of hopes and dreams of what marriage and a family are supposed to be. There is no one experience of divorce. Changing status from being married to being single can present varied difficulties in emotional adjustments for people who defined themselves primarily as married and coupled.

The way a person experiences divorce depends on many factors: socioeconomic status, what part of the life cycle they are in, and whether the divorce is a “friendly” one or “adversarial”. Even then, a person’s response to transition will vary with his/her point of view and individual experiences. Some see divorce as failure and experience depressions, while others define it as freedom and experience relief. Most fall somewhere in the middle.

There are four stages of divorce that cover a range of emotions like shock, depression, anxiety, rage, resignation and acceptance. The stages of divorce presented here are similar to the stages a person goes through when grieving a death. They are simply general guides. Some people may experience them in the order they are presented; others may experience a few of the stages, but not all. Still, others may not experience them at all. The point is that divorce is a process, and it may not be the same process for everyone as going through stages of divorce means different things to different people.

Although individual reactions to the divorce process are varied, there is a typical and predictable series of psychological stages some pass through. Stages of divorce for the initiator of the divorce are different than the stages of divorce for the non-initiator. The initiator in the divorce experiences the pangs of pain and grief much before the non-initiator does. A non-initiator experience the trauma and chaos only after they first hear the word, divorce. That’s why the question, “how long to get over divorce?” has different answers for the initiator and the non-initiator.

The four stages can be labeled denial, conflict, ambivalence, and acceptance. Awareness of these stages will help to understand that adjustment to divorce is a process rather than a single event. It usually takes two to three years to form a strong attachment to a person and for some people, if separation occurs after this time, it usually involves a reaction called separation shock.

The first stage in the stages of divorce is mainly characterized by denial and separation shock. The individual may experience relief, numbness, or panic. (Relief is often felt when the divorce has been an extended, drawn-out process). The most typical reaction to separation is fear of abandonment. The emotional response to this fear is often apprehensiveness and anxiety.

Tomorrow we'll look at the first stage in more detail.

13/06/2025

Childhood Trauma and Healing Part 5

Healing from Childhood Trauma (Continued)
Learn the true meaning of acceptance and letting go: Just because you accept something does not mean you are embracing your trauma or that you like it or agree with it. Acceptance means you have decided what you are going to do with it. You can decide to let it rule your life or you can decide to let it go. Letting go does not mean “poof!” it is magically gone. Letting go means no longer allowing your bad memories and feelings of a bad childhood to rob yourself of living a good life now.
Be patient with yourself: When you have been seriously hurt as a child you develop out-of-control emotions, hopelessness, defense mechanisms and warped perceptions that are difficult to let go of. It will take a lot of time and hard work to let go of these feelings. Be patient with yourself and honor your progress, no matter how small it may seem. It is the little victories in your recovery that will eventually help you win the battle of healing your childhood trauma.
Seek support and do not isolate yourself. A natural instinct that many trauma survivors have is to withdraw from others, but this will only make things worse. A big part of the healing process is connecting with other people, so make the effort to maintain your relationships and seek support. Talk to a trusted family member, friend or therapist/counsellor and consider joining a support group for survivors of childhood trauma.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

08/05/2025

Childhood Trauma and Healing Part 4

Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adulthood Relationships (Continued)
Low Self-Esteem: If a person has been traumatized in their early years, they might struggle with feelings of low self-worth. This can cause them to settle for unhealthy relationships, as they may feel they don’t deserve better.
Communication Issues: Trauma in childhood can also impact a person’s ability to communicate their needs, desires, and feelings effectively. This can lead to misunderstanding and conflict in adult relationships.
Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: Childhood trauma can instill a deep-seated fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear might make it challenging for them to fully engage in a relationship, worrying that the other person will leave them.
Physical Intimacy Problems: If the childhood trauma involved physical or sexual abuse, it could cause difficulties with physical intimacy in adult relationships.

Healing from Childhood Trauma

Here are some ways to heal from childhood trauma and reclaim your life:
Acknowledge and recognize the trauma for what it is: Victims of childhood trauma often spend years minimizing the event or dismissing it by pretending it did not happen or by succumbing to feelings of guilt or self-blame. The only way you can begin healing is to acknowledge that a traumatic event did occur and that you were not responsible for it.
Reclaim control: Feelings of helplessness can carry well over into adulthood and can make you feel and act like a perpetual victim, causing you to make choices based on your past pain. When you are a victim, the past is in control of your present. But when you have conquered your pain, the present is controlled by you. There may always be a battle between past and present, but as long as you are willing to let go of the old defenses and crutches you used as a child to navigate your trauma, you will be able to reclaim control of your life now and heal your pain.
Take care of your health: Your ability to cope with stress will increase if you are healthy. Establish a daily routine that allows you to get plenty of rest, eat a well-balanced diet and exercise regularly. Most importantly, stay away from alcohol and drugs. These might provide temporary relief but will inevitably increase your feelings of depression, anxiety and isolation and can worsen your trauma symptoms.
Replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones: Unhealthy habits can take many forms, like negativity, or turning to alcohol, drugs etc when feelings become too hard to bear. Unhealthy habits can be hard to break, especially when they are used as crutches to help you avoid reliving the pain and trauma of your childhood. A support group or a counsellor/therapist can help you learn the tools necessary to break unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy ones.

We end here for today and we'll continue later on.

To schedule an appointment with a Therapist/Counsellor, kindly Call or WhatsApp us on +260956579677 or email us on cornerstonementalhealthcentre@gmail.com.

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