21/08/2025
A WEDDING TO FORGET, A DEBT TO REMEMBER
A few days ago, a friend reached out, insisting he meet me about something urgent. He came to my office, and we embraced as brothers. It had been a while since we'd last met for a meaningful conversation. Once we sat down, the truth came out: he needed an urgent financial bailout. The reason? His recent wedding.
To give you some context, about two months before he and his then fiancé (now wife) said "I do," he made a decision that now haunts them. He took out a loan of over K200,000 to fund their wedding in Lusaka. Why? Because his then fiancé (now wife) had insisted on a wedding that her friends and people would “live to remember.” Despite him being honest about his financial limitations, she held her ground, adamant that nothing less than a lavish event would do. The most heartbreaking part? She didn't contribute a single Ngwe herself, and her family's only contribution to the wedding was their presence.
I asked him why he felt so compelled to put himself in such a precarious situation, knowing full-well he had no clear plan to repay that loan. He simply said to me, "I was scared she might leave me if I didn't give her the wedding of her dreams."
I was deeply concerned by his reasoning, and it got me thinking deeply about the state of marriages today. The rising divorce rates are seriously alarming and can feel incredibly discouraging to those of us who are yet to marry. I have watched countless couples who once served as inspirations split up less than a year into their marriage. Yes, we must not solely focus on other people's relationships; but it forces you to wonder, what has really gone wrong?
I see this same anxiety play out on social media, too. Recently, a renowned religious leader posted a warning to women against marrying a man with "akaso". The post was immediately swarmed with comments, mostly from women, in full agreement. While the post's intention might have been valid, the blind support seemed to miss a larger, more nuanced point. This is the danger of half-baked advice from public figures. The concept of "akaso" in such a context is highly subjective and demands a well-thought-out explanation, not just a blanket statement. To be honest, we desperately need well-crafted, thoughtful conversations about marriage, not simplistic soundbites, if we want to build lasting relationships.
As a Seventh-Day Adventist myself, it’s especially troubling to see rising divorce cases within the church. I have three church brothers who married in the last two years, and all are already expressing regret, wishing they had taken more time to really know their partners.
It makes me wonder, "If we are striving for marriage this way, what are we really striving for? Why be driven to pretend to be happy or even lose ypurself in a relationship that is mentally torturing you? Why would you thrive in the midst of obvious red flags your partner flashes in your face, all at the expense of losing yourself in the process? Why do we tend to think our rights are being violated and feel the need to give up on people that really love and care about us, all under the pretext of thinking we can find better people out there? What happened to the spirit of resilience when a relationship proves worth fighting for? What happened to leaving only when there's reason enough to call it quits? Why!"
I think it all circles back to situations like that of my debt-troubled friend. Why marry someone who gives you such clear red flags that they watch you drown in unplanned debt just to please them? Why commit to someone you're so afraid of losing that you'd willingly drown in debt just to please them? In these tough economic times, no one needs a reminder that money is tight. Blowing a huge amount on a single day is arguably the worst financial decision a young couple can make.
My perspective, as an entrepreneur and finance/economics enthusiast, is grounded in practicality. If my finances are tight, I’d rather have the simplest wedding but be able to peacefully feed and take care of my family. A cheap ring, a small guest list, skipping the honeymoon if we have to; it's obvious none of these things are the foundation of a successful marriage. Most of our parents did without extravagant wedding celebrations but have built unions that have lasted more than 30 years.
The smarter plan, in my opinion? Get married within your means, work hard together, talk openly about your individual financial situations, and focus on actually building a life together. Forget about pleasing people who won't even care about the state of your wedding; focus on the long term instead. If you blow your finances, you'll inevitably enter a marriage saddled with choking debt. After that debt-funded extravagant wedding, how will you pay rent, cover other fixed costs, or pay school fees when those bundles of joy (your kids) start coming? Be wise.
If you crave a lavish celebration, be realistic and humble for now. You won't die by simply having a small wedding that you can actually afford. After a few years, when you’re financially stable and truly united, you can renew your vows and take that dream honeymoon exactly the way you wanted. A wedding is just a day; a marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is far wiser to invest in the lifetime.
