28/06/2023
This Morning’s Thought from the Heart
Does education or wealth supersede Family Seniority?
Harrison Muyeba Musonda
Not long before the rise of information technology and Generation X, seniority by age in many families was the norm and respected. Children growing up in NORMAL homes knew the rules that governed every home, respect for elders, respect for property, respect for the law, and sharing love with family members. It was common to have visitors in homes and children were moved from the bedrooms to sleep in the living room as a way to make room for visitors who mostly were visiting from the village.
Out of respect for them, no one dared ask when they would return to their homes. Among some of the visitors was one most hated or one most loved. Those hated were either champions at eating nshima or lazy and those loved were good storytellers, helped in the garden, and taught you survival tricks from the village. For boys, ba uncle Terry “Champion Nsuninako” was a delight because he was strong and always protected the boys from bullies.
We all knew that even though these people came from the village, they meant a lot to our parents and we didn't dare make the mistake of talking ill of them unless they caused mischief by smoking w**d or drinking chibuku carelessly. And if they were ladies they would be in trouble if they were found standing by the gate or having icibelesho with the male house helper, ba Jackson Tembo, a boy from the neighborhood. As people’s social statuses changed and elitism crept in, modern parents’ attitudes began changing and slowly respect for those below their social status began dwindling thus teaching children to respect their elite friends more than their ‘village - bakamushi’ relatives. Ouch!
Eventually, the respect paradigm shifted from adults to educated and wealthy members of the family and well-to-do family friends. Relatives who visited began getting second-hand family treatment, nicknames for their habits, and were shelved to the back of the family line with fewer responsibilities. The norm of waiting for Ba Yama Bashi Kangwa Davies from Ku Kamatipa whenever there was a family discourse diminished because everyone wanted to listen to Brother John, the CEO of Kamekela Corporation. Hence, eldership by status and education levels crept into family circles and respect was thrown out. The once revered seat for the elderly whenever there was a family function became the seat for the elite, educated, and wealthy in the family no matter the age.
How did we allow this to happen? Have we lost the reasoning of understanding why the armpit will never outgrow the shoulder?
There is a reason why olden days elders maintained the status of matriculation by age. Age and I mean proper age means lifetime experience which no money can buy and which is never taught in schools. I may sound old school but truth be told, we still need our elders among us because their wisdom is priceless. Why? Because they have trodden the paths that are being trodden by their grandchildren and others, and these old folks know the snares along the pathway. Learn from them and you will wish you did it earlier.
Education, elitism, and wealth will never supersede our family seniority system because that is the fiber that holds our families together and which money cannot buy.
copied
