Tim Hill Psychotherapy

27/06/2019

I am very pleased to add clinical supervison to my services. You can find out more about what I offer on my website:
http://timhillpsychotherapy.com/service/supervision/

Supervision is an essential part of ethical service delivery for mental health workers; I offer affordable supervision to these professionals.

01/04/2019

On the money.

Cognitive therapy forwards a hyper-rational perspective of human suffering that complements a managerialist culture of efficiency.

20/01/2019

27/09/2018

An excellent article about something that doesn't often get discussed in this way.

We need a lot more accurate education about men’s sexual health.

02/08/2018

Marg Ryan on the inherent problems with perfectionism:
“Perfectionism comes from an anxious mind, which is often creative and beautifully imaginative. However, when creativity is being used to imagine bad things happening that feel unbearable, your mind is no longer helping you. Fear (F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal) can create thoughts that can drive your behaviour to do whatever it takes to avoid the scary outcome.”

Long term relationships can be ruined by perfectionism. Understanding what it is and how to soften it, is a good way to avoid the risk this streak may ruin your relationship. Perfectionism comes from an anxious mind, which is often creative and beautifully imaginative. However, when creativity is be...

21/06/2018

The School of Life with an excellent summary of what you might get from couples therapy:
“There are a number of vital things we might learn in couples therapy: – For a start, in a quiet room, we finally have the chance to define what we feel the problems in the relationship really are – without things immediately degenerating into shouting, sulking or cynical avoidance. We’re normally far too cross with, or upset by, our partner to be able to share with them, in a way they’d understand, what we’re so angry and upset about.”

Like many things that help our relationships, couples therapy has a habit of sounding appallingly unromantic, involving patience, gruelling work and a host of embarrassing conversations about matters it would be much nicer never to have to think about - let alone discuss with a partner and a trained

19/06/2018

The School of Life with a simple and clear explanation about Attachment Theory - and your relationship:
“There are so many ways to be unhappy in love, but one kind which modern psychology has given particular attention to are relationships, ... in which one of the parties is defined as avoidant in their attachment patterns – and the other as anxious. Attachment Theory is ... a set of ideas about how we love and the role of childhood therein.... It divides up humanity into three categories according to our varying capacity to behave with confidence and trust in relationships.”

There are so many ways to be unhappy in love, but one kind which modern psychology has given particular attention to are relationships, very high in number, in which one of the parties is defined as avoidant in their attachment patterns - and the other as anxious. Attachment Theory is the term gi

17/06/2018

Toni Jackson with a summary of a perspective on trauma and how it is stored in the body:

Recently, I had the privilege of attending some training on trauma and the body in Perth, Western Australia, with Body-centred Psychotherapist, Dr Andy Harkin. I’d like to share with you some of th…

16/06/2018

Vivian Baruch on the myths about successful long-term relationships:
“Myth 2: Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
This saying suggests that men and women have major differences and want fundamentally different things from relationships. In fact, couples in happy long-term relationships are attuned to the specific personalities of their partners. They regard solid friendship and trust as the foundations for a good relationship. They respect gender differences and look for ways to meet each other’s needs.
Myths which emphasize gender differences often overlook the important similarities about what people want in relationship.”

Happiness is long-term relationships does exist. Yet there are some common myths that people never question. Let’s explore some of these myths and look at what helps build a good long-term relationship.

14/06/2018

Nicole Hind on the insidiousness of manipulation in relationships:
“I once was involved with someone skilled in the art of manipulation. This person really seemed to see INTO me right from the beginning. We sparred with words (he’s witty!) He brought up the Bechdel Test as I complained about some misogyny in a film we were watching (he’s a feminist!) ... There was a story about action he’d taken at the risk of his career (he cares about social justice!). And he was really really really INTO me. I thought the ‘real’ me.
And that’s how it begins. It feels like MAGIC. Until the day it’s turned on you.”

Are you being manipulated? Let’s be honest: In the beginning of a new relationship it can be extremely hard to tell if you’re being manipulated. We often try to figure this out from the ‘warning signs’. I’m not even going to list them here as I have no doubt you’re all aware of them. But...

12/06/2018

Melissa Ferrari on the value of relationship health checks:
“We head to the Doctor for an annual health check, yet when it comes to our relationships we wait until it’s too late before we seek help, with studies telling us that it takes six years of unhappiness before couples realise they have a problem. Like any illness, early detection of issues in a relationship are the key to restoring the love and connection between a couple. So how do you know when it’s time for you to give your relationship a health check?”

We head to the Doctor for an annual health check, yet when it comes to our relationships we wait until it’s too late before we seek help, with studies telling us that it takes six years of unhappiness before couples realise they have a problem. Like any illness, early detection of

10/06/2018

Clinton Power with some suggestions on how you can both come through your partner's depression:
“When one or both people in a relationship are dealing with depression, it can cause the dynamic to shift significantly. Depression is a challenge to a relationship—like any illness— but it doesn’t mean the relationship is to blame and it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. You and your partner can face depression together, regardless of who has it and come out stronger.”

Are you feeling dragged down by your depressed partner? When one or both people in a relationship are dealing with depression, it can cause the dynamic to shift significantly. Depression is a challenge to a relationship—like any illness— but it doesn’t mean the relationship is to blame and it ...

09/06/2018

Melissa Ferrari on influence in relationships - and how it makes things better:
“How we deal with each other’s point of view is critical to a successful relationship and whether you seek your partner out when it comes to the big things can be predictive of whether you will have relationship success or not. A big factor that points to relationships success is being a couple that allows the other to “influence” them.”

Accepting you partners influence can be an incredible buffer for when things get tough. If you are a couple that have developed this strength you are both investing in your emotional bank account that will be full for when issues may arise. Here are some of my tips on how to develop this part of you

07/06/2018

Dr Kimberly Thompson with a terrific piece on on how and why therapy works:
“I get it. The idea that your problems get better just by talking to a therapist sounds a little too fantastic. You prefer to rely on more concrete treatments, ranging from prescription medications to essential oils and acupuncture. At least those give you something you can touch. Besides, if talking to a therapist really helps, why not just talk to a friend? For free? I respect your need for a clear explanation, so here goes.”

I get it. The idea that your problems get better just by talking to a therapist sounds a little too fantastic. You prefer to rely on more concrete treatments, ranging from prescription medications to essential oils and acupuncture. At least those give you something you can touch. Besides, if talking...

05/06/2018

Freud once said that each of us needs to make the choice between a life of everyday misery and illusion. Even though he said this more than hundred years ago, it still has relevance for the way we live our lives. Neither option is palatable; but one of the choices may prove to be better than the other. Here's why.

We all live with our illusions; we do so because the truth can seem so hard to live with. But as long as we stay in illusion, we can't change it. To live a real life, we must risk a life of everyday misery.

03/06/2018

“A Body Check-In is simple to do, yet its impact can be quite profound. The Body Check-In is simply a way of tuning in to what’s going on inside you. It’s a secret tool for self-awareness, decision making and self-guidance. [It] can help you get clearer on what you want and need, and nudge you towards your best next step. It’s a kind of inner sat nav, to help you find your way through the maze of choices and disruptions in life.”

The Body Check-In is a wonderful tool that you can use to tune into yourself better. The Body Check-In can help you make better decisions, improve your relationships, know what you are feeling, set boundaries, and connect to your authentic self. Integrative Arts Psychotherapy & Counselling Colcheste...

02/06/2018

Blue Knot Foundation on emotional neglect:
“Because it’s mostly silent and invisible, emotional neglect is often overlooked in our society. Unlike physical neglect or abuse, where there are often physical signs such as bruises or children coming to school underfed, emotional neglect is more difficult to identify.”

The latest Newsletter from Blue Knot Foundation for Survivors, Family and their Loved ones. Subscribe to get our newsletter personally delivered to your inbox.

31/05/2018

The Book of Life on the benefits of living a quiet life:
“A quiet life sounds like an option that only the defeated would ever be inclined to praise. Our age is overwhelmingly alive to the benefits of active, dynamic, ‘noisy’ ways of living. If someone offered us a bigger salary for a job elsewhere, we’d move. If someone showed us a route to fame, we’d take it. If someone invited us to a party, we’d go. These seem like pure, unambiguous gains. Lauding a quiet life has some of the eccentricity of praising rain.”

A quiet life sounds like an option that only the defeated would ever be inclined to praise. Our age is overwhelmingly alive to the benefits of active, dynamic, ‘noisy’ ways of living. If someone offered us a bigger salary for a job elsewhere, we’d move. If someone showed us a route to fame, we...

29/05/2018

One of the enduring myths that we have about mental health is that if we leave it long enough, time will eventually wear down our problems and heal our wounds. According to this myth, all things, no matter how difficult or traumatic, are healed by the mere passage of time. Unfortunately, although time is not a healer it is a factor in healing.

We think that time is a healer, but that's a misconception - time can help us to heal, but it takes more than just the passage of time.

27/05/2018

Michael Formica on the essential gifts that failure brings:
“... self-esteem cannot be conferred. It develops through risk taking and skills development. The hypervigilance associated with helicopter parenting, or Miller’s good mother (read: good parent), interferes with this natural socialization process. Children are not allowed to fail, and that’s a problem, because it literally doesn’t prepare them for the real world. It is, in fact, the underlying dynamic that [leads to] so many mental health professionals to be confronted with a young adult population fraught with anxiety and self-doubt.”

The gift of failure

26/05/2018

Men who are battling with po*******hy often experience it as an argument inside their head. It feels like on one hand, part of you is arguing to be able to watch po*******hy. On the other hand, another part is arguing that she shouldn’t be using po*******hy. Thinking of it like this just keeps it is an argument in your head – an argument you probably often lose. However, there’s a different way of thinking about this that might lead to a better result. It involves stepping forwards.

We often think that our battle with po*******hy is about a battle between a good side and the bad side of us. This isn't very helpful – it's much better loss to think of it as being a battle between the future and the past. This makes stepping forwards into the future much easier.

24/05/2018

We like to think of Australia as a country without divisions. We like to think that everyone has a fair go, and that things are equal. However, there are some real distinctions between different groups in Australia and their access to mental health care, no matter how we wish it was otherwise. One of the ways that we are divided is through socioeconomic factors and perceptions of control about our mental health.

Socioeconomic factors can mean we feel we have less control over our mental health, with people from lower socioeconomic groups feeling they have no control. What can we do to change this?

22/05/2018

Stacy Smith invites us to take a broader viewof OCD:
“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is often portrayed in the media through hand-washing, a clean house, and an excessive need to check the locks on the front door. While these are certainly symptoms of OCD, they are far from the complete picture. OCD manifests itself in countless ways, all of which are important to recognize, as a means of spreading awareness, knowledge, and the message, "you are not alone."”

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is often portrayed in the media through hand-washing, a clean house, and an excessive need to check the locks on the front door.

20/05/2018

Kimberly Thompson on the way our unconscious pulls at us:
“We are surprised by the attitudes that surface when we are faced with odd or stressful situations. We have gut feelings. We know things but don’t know how we know. A smell brings back memories from our childhood. A certain color triggers emotions and even physical sensations. The unconscious is alive and active, whether we call it that or not.”

  The unconscious mind is a real thing. We may have a hard time explaining what it is or how it works, but intuitively we all know that more is going on beneath the surface of our minds than we can explain in words. We make thousands of tiny decisions every day based on intuition …

19/05/2018

When we've known someone for a long time, we can think that we really know them well. Over the years, we've seen them in different ways and we feel like we know them inside and out. Knowing them, we can have certain expectations of them; when those expectations aren't met, we so easily find ourselves trying to guess why. We can wonder if it's not about disrespect. However, it's so easy for us to be led astray and start jumping to the wrong conclusions.

When people do things, it's so easy for us to assign motive. However, it's also easy to get it wrong and start jumping to the wrong conclusions about why they do what they do. Much better that we take a step back and think about it differently. More than likely, it's not about disrespect

17/05/2018

Men in relationships who are caught using po*******hy often find that their partners demand full disclosure. If you are in a relationship with a po*******hy user, you’ll probably want to know all the details, all the websites, all the times that they used po*******hy. This is pretty natural; you feel hurt and betrayed. But things are not simple regarding full disclosure of p**n secrets; you might demand it now. Your partner might be willing to tell it now. But a more measured approach to p**n confession might lead to better results.

When your partner has been discovered using po*******hy, it is understandable that you'd want to hear all of our partner's p**n secrets. However, making sure you are prepared for the p**n confession you are going to hear makes it easier to cope with.

17/05/2018

Men’s use of po*******hy – and the criticisms of it – is often focused on mature men. These men are often married or in relationship, and when discovered using po*******hy, usually realise the need to make changes to keep the relationship. The psychological stability of their life can be a protective factor for them. they know what they really want, and that’s usually relationship over po*******hy. However, what of younger men who don’t have that stability? In particular, what is the relationship between p**n and sexual fantasy development?

We often think that the use of po*******hy affects the development of sexual fantasy by making the fantasy both unrealistic and overdeveloped. However, the truth is that the relationship between p**n and sexual fantasy development is much more complex than that.

15/05/2018

The ancient Romans revered Romulus. Their legends said that he, with his twin brother Remus, founded the city of Rome 400 years before. They assigned all sorts of worthy characteristics to Romulus; nobility, strength in battle, wisdom and moral certainty. On the other hand, Remus was seen as having much more unworthy qualities. The difficulty was, even then there were no accurate records about the early founding of Rome. So instead of being accurate about their hero, it's likely the Romans were doing something very human and ignoring the hero within.

We are quick to see good qualities in other people, but in doing so we can ignore the good within us - the hero within often gets underplayed.

13/05/2018

A very short, personal post by Forest Benedict on living out your dreams:
A New Vision (A Call to Visionaries)

  I’m in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Let’s call it an awakening. A vision is haunting me. A dream thumps loudly at my door. For years I’ve pursued a career as a therapist…

13/05/2018

Each of us has someone that we wish would change. We have tried being supportive, understanding, helpful and directive, but still they remain unchanged. It can be extremely frustrating and can lead to us wanting to shame them into change. But does using shame as a weapon work?

We can sometimes feel tempted to try to change someone by shaming them - consciously or unconsciously. However the effect may well be the opposite of what we are looking for.