Positive Behaviour Support Collective

29/04/2024

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-29/school-refusal-cant-australia-education-four-corners/103669970?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0BMQABHZl9_b97p2aCNhMfo1Kpr35_zOhCsW1Ec1siZ7W3r2_VvyJNsRtiFzzl5w_aem_AaKDz4tpnkdro82lYJ_fCoYxjn6yS9GfChw8TxRoS-WZlRW12RFBmK9LWPJN7uaLufozAUi3jKJnUp9JFaw7tzn0

A growing crisis of school refusal is gripping Australia, leaving families in a hidden struggle with blame, shame and the fear of a lost education.

22/01/2024

04/12/2023

📸 Look at this post on Facebook https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-to-learn/201603/adhd-creativity-and-the-concept-of-group-intelligence?fbclid=IwAR1otuFQ292ql4RcAVGpKKOXT9WFHerxo48t4yBPmmQhECcKYQv47lRuByA_aem_AUBcBBjslYL7JSkhqIpqGTqWcFqfSIhcTccBGlkjH6cRB33IGnA2_bmn5POPISOCwOY

Two brains that work differently are better than two that work in the same way.

15/11/2023

This is the list of conditions I came up with that *ideally* should be met in order for me to DO THE THING.

It explains why I can’t simply jump quickly and readily to an unexpected task and do a good job of it.

A lot of times I can WANT to do a particular thing but my brain just will not.

Sometimes I’ll have the TIME but not the mental capacity- that’s the hardest one for me to accept. What an enormous waste of time that is, especially when I’ve got a big list of stuff to do. It feels lazy. I feel guilty. But you know what? I can only do so much. It happens. That’s the reality of being an AuDHDer.

So let’s all give ourselves a break, yes?

We’re doing the best we can.

Em 🫶

P.s. the star on number 4 is to remind me to flag that one for PDAers. As a people pleasing, non-PDA person, having someone else tell me it needs doing is actually a very powerful motivator for me. Not necessarily a healthy one, but a powerful one. So. Tread lightly.

15/11/2023

Children learn early their behaviour can control the actions of others. But making small changes can lead to big improvements

14/11/2023

13/11/2023

11/11/2023

Kids Do Well If They Can

I've been reflecting on this fundamental pillar of Dr Ross Greene’s () approach to living and working with kids, and the more I think about it, the more significant it seems. What it’s really about, for me, is parental attitude. Most of the time, if kids aren’t doing what their parents would like, our assumption is it’s because they don’t want to. Or they aren’t motivated. Or they are lazy. We put it down to a lack of will. We get angry with them. We assume that if only they wanted to, they would be able to do what we ask them. So we try to make them.

What Ross Greene is saying is that we can flip that assumption around, and instead assume that kids aren’t doing things because they aren’t able to right now. Maybe they aren’t clearing up (for example) because they don’t have the organisational skills required, or they aren’t practicing the piano (for example) because they lack the capacity to balance short term desires with long term goals. For them, the short term is far more important and the future is a long time away.

The skills of self management don’t really develop until adolescence (and neurological adolescence lasts until age 25) which means that a lot of us are frustrated by our kids not doing things which they are likely not to be capable of yet. Remembering their PE kit, or controlling their temper. Managing their impulses to shout rather than speak or picking up wet towels from the floor. Thinking before they speak. Brain development is an ongoing process, and it doesn’t accelerate it if you’re made to feel bad about what you’re not able to do yet. Kids can do things one day, when the circumstances are right, and not another - that's the messy and non-linear way that development works.

But the most important thing that Ross Greene says is that we don’t have to waste time thinking about whether they can help it or not in any particular situation. If we just make our baseline assumption that kids do well if they can, then the research shows that this works out better. This can change everything. It changes the questions we ask and the way that parents feel. It stops many battles in their tracks.

For if someone lack the skills to do something, we can’t solve that through consequences or rewards. It isn’t a choice on their part, even if it looks like it is. We can’t make them grow up faster through punishing them for their incompetence or telling them off. It makes no sense to get annoyed with them if they can’t help it. Instead we have to accept where they are right now (even if we wish they were somewhere else) and work out how to make things work with that.

They will develop skills in time and we can help them with that - but neurological development is a long process, and no one’s brain ever developed faster through being told off for things they couldn’t help.

Photo: Janko Ferlic, .

11/11/2023

Why Some Battles Are Just Too Important To Pick

Sometimes I read people saying that there are battles that you must pick with your children – certain things are just too important. Reading, perhaps, or family meal-times. Regular time outdoors or doing chores. Just make them, they say. ‘Be the parent’.

There are many things which bother me about the assumption that ‘parenting’ means making your child do things, but the most significant is this.

When you make someone do something, you lose something very important.
That’s their willing participation.

Think about things which you are obliged to do – mandatory training at work perhaps. Speed awareness workshops. Does being made to do it make them interesting? Does it make you more engaged? Would you choose to continue in your own time?

When I’m made to do something I have an immediate reluctance. Even if it’s something I might have been originally interested in, when it’s obligatory my enthusiasm wanes. I push back. I want to assert my right to say no.

I’m not exceptional. That’s a standard human reaction. Humans like to have autonomy. We like to feel in control. When we are made to do things, that changes our relationship with what we are doing. It becomes less attractive. Forced reading is very different to choosing to read, even when it looks identical from the outside. One is a chore, the other is a joy.

Sometimes we have to make our children do things – stop hitting others, or putting on their seatbelt. This is inevitable. But when we make them do things that we want them to come to enjoy, we need to be aware that there’s a cost.

For parents can (sometimes) make children do things, but they can’t make them want to do those things. And through the process of making them do things, you can make the wanting less likely.

If your aim is children who love reading, don’t force them to read. It’s likely to have the opposite effect to what you had hoped.

(illustration Eliza Fricker Missing The Mark)

05/11/2023

Disobedience and non-compliance are labeled as evil and immoral by authoritarian people and systems.

But acts of defiance and resistance are often rooted in a strong sense of justice, morality, and Self.

That’s true whether it’s a child refusing to comply at school or a protester refusing to comply at a sit-in.

As MLK Jr. reminds us, “one has a moral respon­si­bil­i­ty to dis­obey unjust laws.”

Let’s empower our children to recognize injustice and “disobey” it. Let’s use our own power of non-compliance to advocate for ourselves and others.

✨

Posted • In education and in pediatric therapy, we hear the word non-compliance thrown around a lot.

Typically, when we are discussing non-compliance, we are referring to behaviors that hinder or create barriers to our kids’ progress.

The big piece that we are often missing in these discussions is this:

〰️ Non-compliance is self advocacy. By not complying with tasks, children are taking the first steps toward becoming a leader in their lives.

〰️ For so many kids, the power of no is the one tool they have to demonstrate autonomy and communicate preferences.

〰️ Rather than finding methods to increase compliance, it is our role to find ways to interpret and respect our students when they are communicating “no”.

12/10/2023

We've talked a lot about our tool, Staylistening, lately. Many of you are familiar and the newer of you probably now have a decent understanding of why letting our children offload tension, fear and upset while we warmly listen promotes healing, but it can still feel hard to know what to do/say when you have an audience.

Here are a few things to have up your sleeve.

We know it can be hard but you get to advocate for your family!

12/11/2021

The goal of this research was to investigate the developmental process of parental burnout by testing whether there were systematic prospective relati…