03/10/2023
During my first year, my daily mantra was, "I can't survive this." It echoed in my mind, a testament to the overwhelming pain and grief I carried. It was a mantra that defined the very core of my existence.
As I walked through the journey of loss and encountered other mothers who shared this profound pain. I would ask them the same question, "How do I survive this?" I never received an answer, but I did receive a connection that comes from understanding that some things can't be put into words.
There is no definitive answer to that question. Grief doesn't work that way. Instead, I've discovered that surviving this loss means finding different ways to connect with my babies. Sometimes with a smile, when I feel their presence and sometimes with a tear, as I mourn the moments we'll never share.
Four years have passed, and while the pain has not disappeared, it has transformed. It has become a part of who I am, a part of my story. I've found a place for my babies to exist with me – not just in my memories but in my everyday life. I celebrate their existence with every breath I take and every decision I make.
Surviving this journey doesn't mean the pain is gone, but it means I've learn't to carry it. I've discovered a way to keep my babies close, not just in my heart but in my life. I've found a way to honour their memory, to smile through the tears, and to connect with others who understand this pain.
To all the loss parents out there, know that you are not alone. You are surviving, and in your journey, you'll find a place for your baby to exist with you. And as you do, you'll discover the incredible strength within you that allows you to keep moving forward, one step at a time. 💕👼
