Soothing Conversations with Chantal

20/11/2025

It is so easy to think you are taking care of yourself.

In way you are.

But in another, you are simply filling the gap.

That is what I have been doing recently. Keeping myself busy with another big project.

It wasn't until my partner it out to me that I was sinking again, that I needed to look at what I was doing.

Filling the gap.

I didn't want to be in the liminal space of being who I was before Mum died and who I was becoming. Too hard.

It is important to take stock of what you are doing from time to time to see where you are not taking care of yourself enough as you travel along the path of grief. 💙

17/11/2025

Recently, I was listening to a podcast about leaving a legacy of love by Dr Kimberly Harms and how to rethink death.

This is how she starts:

'You don’t want to leave a legacy of confusion. You don’t want to leave a legacy of conflict. You want to leave your family intact. Many, many of us are uncomfortable talking about death with our families or with attorneys. It’s that discomfort.'

What struck me was writing your own eulogy and organising your own wake to make it easier for your loved ones. Where to buy the food. Where to hold it.

In addition get your affairs in order - financial, physical, and emotional.

This is how she sees end of life planning: a legacy of love.

We had a lot of things in place with Mum. None for my Dad.

It helped with family dynamics because we focussed on Mum and what she wanted. Not what we wanted which was vastly different.

Food for thought.

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

16/11/2025

Sometimes being off Social Media is the best thing. And eating chocolate cake.

15/11/2025

Grief holds many layers that you don't see or expect.

It isn't just about the huge loss of a loved one. It was also about all the little or not so little ones under the surface.

This grief feels even bigger now I am no longer see my niece and great-niece. It is a big ache in my heart.

My mum’s death reawakened the grief of not having children

14/11/2025

How many times have I heard this from others and experienced myself.

Over time, you realise that this grief journey, sacred and raw in equal measure, exposes the tenderness of our bonds. People care, but most don’t know how to meet grief without flinching.

They search for words they’ve never been taught, worried of what to say. How to say it. How to simply be with you in deep well of sadness. So it is easier to stay away. Not realising this hurts and adds to the grief.

You understand the logic. But that doesn't lessen the sorrow and heart ache.

Know that I witness your grief. I witness you. And I stay. Personally and professionally.

13/11/2025

Celebrations 🎉

The festive season upon us, in today's grief support group, we talked about how we support ourselves after a loved one has died.

This lead to how so much changes when someone is no longer around. What used to done as children. The fun. Music. Singing. Food. Family time.

How that all changes over the years with children growing up. Making their own way. Becoming parents themselves. Losing parents or children.

This turned to birthdays. Do you light a candle? Do something special in their honour? Or simply acknowledge it reminiscing on all the happy birthdays celebrated together. Do you have an empty chair with their name on it, so to speak?

A few tears were shed. There were smiles and laughter.

Bittersweet times.

What do you do?

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

11/11/2025

Listening to someone’s story is both an honour and a sacred trust.

It’s not something I take lightly. When someone decides to work with and opens their heart, it creates a deep connection.

It is an offering of truth, courage, and vulnerability. Each story shared is a gift to be received with gentleness, presence, and care.

I hold you as I am held - with love, acceptance, compassion, and coming from a place of lived experience.

When you feel ready reach out to have a chat to see I can support you through your grief and trauma path.

10/11/2025

A gentle way to support yourself this week when feeling sad and needing to connect with your loved on.

Write down one sentence that begins with “I love when…” and let it flow.

Notice what your heart remembers. Moments, textures, laughter, warmth.

Photo by Evelina Kasparaitė on Unsplash

08/11/2025

The most overused phrase said when someone is grieving is 'I am sorry for your loss'.

How many times I have said this.

Now I know differently since Mum and my friend died. It says nothing at all. Yes, it is kind. But doesn't create connection.

Here are a few things you can say:

'I don’t have the right words, but I’m here with you.'
'This must be such a difficult time for you.'
'Holding you in my thoughts and heart.'

Image by Piotr from Pixabay

08/11/2025

It is often the one you least expect to get traction.

This one did on Substack.

It has taken me years to be able to do write and share publicly. And months after Mum died. It felt unhonourable and disrespectful, despite it being my reality.

There is still grief. But it is different. 🤍🩶🤍

Her Birthday, Without Sadness

06/11/2025

Sometimes all you need to do is sit in the sun. ☀️

Enjoy the warmth on your face.

Wear your favourite colour. 🩷

And be with these simple pleasures.

What are yours?

05/11/2025

This morning I was listening to a short section of a Ted talk by Nora McInerney about her experience with the death of her husband.

This is what stood out for me:

𝒲𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑔𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒻, 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑜𝓃.

There will be laughter again. There will be joy. There will be life again.

Simply not the way we knew it which is what we want. We want to be where we were in our lives before our loved one died. We don't want to go through the pain. Anguish. Heartbreak. The loss of dreams and a future without them.

But we do. In our own way. And it hurts. Deeply. Agonisingly so. To get to that point of where we feel we can move forward on our own. Seeing and being in life in a new and different way. One we come to love and appreciate knowing they will always be in our hearts.