Lisa Alexander - Return to Wholeness

25/05/2026

Because the overfunctioning person is the glue holding everything together in dysfunctional families, relationships and workplaces.

…and that’s why people are afraid to stop.

Because if they stop saying yes to everything, and they stop being available all the time, and they stop prioritising everyone ahead of themselves- then….
things might fall apart if they do.

So they keep overfunctioning.
They keep abandoning themselves.
And they feel a sense of safety in doing so.

Not necessarily because they want to…
but because it will ensure that everything around them stays the same.
And that nothing breaks.
That no one gets upset or disappointed.
That they remain needed. Loved. Respected.

Sounds like it’s worth it right?

But eventually the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.

The pain and impact that always saying yes, being available and prioritising yourself last (or not at all) has on you starts to outweigh the pain caused by disappointing others….or of losing them.

Where in your life are you feeling this pain?

21/05/2026

Overfunctioning is often a brilliant survival strategy…

until it starts costing you yourself.

at some point, overfunctioning probably helped you.

It ‘benefited’ you by helping you:
- stay connected with those you love
- stay in control
- avoid disappointing others

So this isn’t about judging the pattern. It started out with intentions- right?
But….eventually that strategy that once protected you…and helped you - is now exhausting you.
It’s now costing you more than what it gives you.

Because eventually, the ‘benefits’ of overfunctioning stop …

and starts feeling like:
- resentment
- anxiety
- emotional exhaustion
- hypervigilance
- inability to rest
- disconnection from yourself

And here’s the tricky part:
A lot of people don’t even realise they’re doing it.
Because Overfunctioning became a default setting they naturally revert to.
Because being helpful, capable and available became part of their identity.

Until one day…

Their body starts responding to a life their nervous system was never meant to sustain long term. It starts saying no in some quiet…and sometimes not so quiet ways….

Ever had this happen to you?

17/05/2026

People don’t talk about this enough….and maybe that’s because they don’t even realise this- but:

When you stop abandoning yourself…and stop over functioning -
your life has to reorganise around that.
Because you’ll stop over giving, stop saying yes when you mean no and you’ll stop prioritising yourself last.

Which means that the people closest to you will need to get used to you not saying yes to everything, being constantly available, prioritising their needs over yours.

So when you change - any part of your life that relied on your self abandonment and over functioning- will need to change too…..if it/they are going to remain in your life.

And that rarely happens smoothly.

Because when you stop:
- overfunctioning
- people pleasing
- shape-shifting
- tolerating what hurts you

it disrupts the system.

because people become used to a certain version of you.

And growth isn’t always peaceful while it’s happening…..

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable.
Sometimes it changes relationships.
Sometimes it asks you to tolerate guilt, grief, uncertainty or disappointment.

But there comes a point where staying disconnected from yourself becomes more painful than change itself.

11/05/2026

Sometimes the support is there…
but your conditioning won’t let you receive it.

You finally get:
the help
the space
the opportunity to rest

Perhaps it’s your partner genuinely suggesting that you go away for a few days and leave the kids with them….
Or maybe your boss suggests that you delegate, go home on time and stop taking on so much ….
(I’ve experienced both!)

…and instead of relief….

You feel guilt.
Discomfort.
Restlessness.
The urge to grip tighter.
The feeling that you should probably still be doing more.
Looking for reasons why you can’t (🤯🤯🤯🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️)

Because for so many of us, overfunctioning becomes normal.
Being needed becomes normal.
Holding everything together becomes normal.

And eventually…

receiving starts to feel unfamiliar.

because somewhere along the way, you learned:
being selfless = being good
having needs = being difficult
rest = being lazy
space = selfishness

So even when the external conditions change…
internally, the pattern is still running.
The pattern that warns us against accepting help.
Backing off.
Taking a break.

So even if you have the permission and support from those around you- like the:
-loving partner.
-supportive boss
-opportunity.
- time.

…you still struggle to let yourself receive it.

Because self-abandonment doesn’t just show up in what we do.

It shows up in what we won’t allow ourselves to receive.

Start noticing where guilt appears the moment something supportive becomes available to you.

That’s often where the pattern is hiding.

09/05/2026

One of the hardest parts of no longer abandoning yourself…

is realising other people were benefiting from the version of you that did.

Not always consciously or maliciously.

But when you’ve spent years:
- over-giving
- shape-shifting
-people pleasing
- being endlessly available
- putting yourself last

people adjust to that version of you.

So when you start changing…
when you start choosing yourself too…
there can be resistance.

Guilt.
Pushback.
Discomfort.
Even from those that love you the most can innocently project it upon you (like my children do!)

And if you’re not careful, you’ll mistake that discomfort as a sign you’re doing something wrong.

I used to do that.

For example, as a mother- I used to think being a good mother meant:
-never needing space
-never wanting time for myself
-always being available
-always putting myself last

Same goes for when I worked as a commercial lawyer….well sort of….
But saying yes to everything, not asking for help, not speaking up and always being available, were standard expectations of the industry.
I remember it was even frowned upon to take a lunch break or leave before 6pm.

And the truth is-

The version of me that completely abandoned herself…
wasn’t the best version of me.

Not for me.
Not for my children.
Not for my workplace.
Not for anyone.

Because in your personal life-
self-abandonment doesn’t create deeper connection.

And in the workplace- long term - it doesn’t create a more productive employee.

It creates resentment.
Exhaustion.
Disconnection.
Emotional depletion.
Lack of motivation.
And physical fatigue.

And now?

I can hold space for other people’s feelings and reaction to my boundaries and prioritising my health & wellbeing-
without making those feelings the authority over my life. Without letting them determine my direction.

Even if it’s guilt from my children (believe me- that’s heavy!)

Because I know that I’m a better mother.
A better worker.
A better person- when I don’t abandon or override myself.

That changed everything.

07/05/2026

05/05/2026

You tell yourself it’s your workload.
Your schedule.
Everything on your plate.
Everyone else.

But look a little closer…
even when there is space -
you fill it.

even when you could pause -
you don’t.

even when you know you need rest -
you override it.

Slowing down doesn’t just mean stopping everything completely.

It means:

* feeling what you’ve been avoiding
* noticing what’s not working
* admitting something needs to change
* delegating and asking for help

And that feels uncomfortable.
So you try to avoid that discomfort by staying.
By sweeping it under the carpet. By avoiding the truth.
By trying to convince yourself that everything is fine - business as usual….

So you end up staying:
* productive
* responsible
* on top of everything

But underneath that? You’re exhausted.

Yes, most likely from doing too much.
But also from constantly overriding yourself.

This is what overfunctioning actually looks like.

It’s not just about doing a lot…
It’s also caused by being disconnected from yourself while you do it.

Start noticing the moments where you could stop…

and don’t.

That’s where the pattern is.

02/05/2026

Hosting an international retreat while the world is being shook up isn’t easy.

A past version of me would have tried to control this entire experience.

She would have panicked at the uncertainty.
Questioned herself.
Focused on the others options & fears.

And honestly… she may have even cancelled it all altogether.

But this time was different.

Even with everything happening in the world right now…
the uncertainty around travel…
the fear people are holding…

I just kept coming back to the same thing:

The knowing I had 6 months ago when I first decided to create a Bali retreat.

And I’ve learned to trust that.

Completely.

That feeling in my body when it’s a YES. The synchronicities. Everything falling into place.

Self Trust.

In the past, I would have overridden myself.
Freaked out. Tried to force it or change it or cancel it.

And each time I’ve done that- it’s never worked out.
Each time I’ve doubted myself, listened to others and abandoned what I know to be true- I’ve seen the result that show it would have worked out better if I had just trusted & backed myself.

So this time, I didn’t force.
I didn’t over-control.
I didn’t collapse into fear.

I trusted myself enough to keep moving forward.

And the women who were meant to be there… were there.

And now I have more evidence to remind me of how important self trust is.

That’s also why I lead the way I do.

Not because I have all the answers.
But because I’ve lived the experience of overriding myself, not trusting myself, abandoning my instincts - and I know what changes when you finally stop doing that.

I also know how to build self trust, hold that and listen to myself.

This retreat reminded me of that again.
And honestly… that experience in itself is priceless.

29/04/2026

You don’t suddenly wake up in a life that doesn’t feel right.

It builds slowly….
I can look back now and see how my career burnout, past health challenges and that constant underlying sense that something wasn’t quite right didn’t just happen overnight.

It stretches back to childhood, my teens, 20s & 30s….

In the moments where I :
-said yes when I wanted to say no
-kept going when something felt off
-tell myself“it’s fine” when it’s not
- took on more when I was already stretched

And I can see this in my personal life and my client’s life.

Each time we override ourselves - it doesn’t necessarily feel dramatic at the time.

It’s usually small & subtle.
Plus we’ve trained ourselves to ignore it.

Until one day - it’s not small and subtle anymore.
And by the time it’s obvious - you’re already dealing with the impact of it.

That might look like:
-relationship challenges
-health concerns
-career misalignment
-or just a constant sense that something isn’t right

Most people think these things come out of nowhere.

But more often… they’re the result of repeatedly overriding yourself in small ways.

That’s the part that goes unnoticed.

The moment where something didn’t feel right -
and you kept going anyway.

Not because you didn’t know.

But because you didn’t stop long enough to listen.

27/04/2026

At some point, it’s not optional anymore

Setting boundaries.
Making decisions.
Changing direction.
Stopping yourself from staying in things that don’t fit.

For a while, you can ignore it…..like I used to.

You can:
-put it off
-talk yourself out of it
-stay where it’s familiar
Like what I did for so long! Until my health said ‘NO MORE’

once you start to see what’s actually going on…
you can’t choose to ignore it anymore ….because your body won’t let you.

What was once a quiet whisper ‘hey this isn’t right’ …..turns into screams
‘STOP!’
‘NO!’
It may present as health issues. Relationship challenges or career burnout.

It’s no longer:
“I should probably do something about this”

It becomes:
“I can’t keep doing this”

That’s the point where things actually change.

Of course I’d prefer it if we didn’t wait until it got to this stage….but for most of us - we wait until it does until we start taking notice and action.

because it becomes really clear that staying the same starts to cost more than moving.

It’s no longer an option.

So here’s a question for you- will you wait until it gets unbearable and internally you scream?
Or will you listen to the whispers before it gets to that stage?